Black Relationships : "Shacking up" before marriage

[spicybrown]

My .02..................

You can co-habitate with someone without being married and be happy. There are also couples married for years together in the same house for years, who get used to each others stench, and couldn't get along if Rodney King declared it. To each his own. BTW, marriage/common law, is a committment, not just a ring or and papers. I would definately have to at spend at least a week living with a person to truly know the 'other side' of them.

 

[kente417mojo]

I agree. There's no way to actually "know" a person unless you've spent real time with them. I mean real time as in no make-up, no shower, no time to freshen up and all that stuff. Real time. Waking in the morning and seeing how clean or dirty they leave the house when they go to work. Seeing how often they do the dishes. Seeing if they're willing to cook, or if the want to rely on Dominos pizza for a meal. All those things are learned by actually being with a person day in and day out. Seeing if you can stomach the thought of being around that person for months and years at a time. You can't simulate that.

 

[Tantrum]

I agree. There's no way to actually "know" a person unless you've spent real time with them. I mean real time as in no make-up, no shower, no time to freshen up and all that stuff. Real time. Waking in the morning and seeing how clean or dirty they leave the house when they go to work. Seeing how often they do the dishes. Seeing if they're willing to cook, or if the want to rely on Dominos pizza for a meal. All those things are learned by actually being with a person day in and day out. Seeing if you can stomach the thought of being around that person for months and years at a time. You can't simulate that.

Exactly
Speak Truths
That Reveal 2 The Masses

 

[IfUComeSoftly]

Bruva Kente

Unless you're planning to move to another country, this makes no sense. What good would looking beyond America do, if you're still subject to the marriage laws of America.

I know you were serious... BUT.. .LMAO... lmao... that was so funny....

 

[Sanaiah25]

Unless you're planning to move to another country, this makes no sense. What good would looking beyond America do, if you're still subject to the marriage laws of America. This is just a way of fooling yourself. I'm not saying that people should hold another's transgretions against someone else, but the facts still remain. You can either go into a situation with your eyes open or shut. I mean, if I was going to use personal experience as a gauge, I wouldn't be this hard on marriage in this country, because mine ended fairly and responsibly. But I choose to look at the situation realistically. I was very lucky to have found someone that is fair and responsible. I can't say that about the majority of men and women in this country, so why pull the trigger again just because the gun didn't go off the first time. FOR MEN, it's more of a risk getting married in this country than it is for women. I think the only people who don't acknowledge that..........are women.

My point (in case it went over your head) is simply that the institution of marriage is not the problem, the people are. Regardless of what laws mandate divorce, when you marry the right person and are committed to the relationship, it shouldn't be necessary. Just because divorce laws are on the books doesn't mean we have to use them--marry the right person, at the right time, for the right reason and don't get one.

I mentioned in my thread that people should look beyond current trends. People have been marrying in America successfully longer than they have been divorcing at a rate of 50%.

Marriages are only more risky for men in a financial sense. Even so, plenty of men are walking around with some of their ex-wives' money. Men aren't the only ones who pay alimony and child support. If a man does marry a woman who he obviously shouldn't have trusted in the first place, that's where a pre-nup comes in. Pre-nups don't have to just be about money either, people can include all different arrangements for the end of their marriage.

If the quality of people is the real problem (which it is), then why just limit our fears to just marriage. You can't marry a woman because you don't know that she is trustworthy, but you can have sex with her, and have her potentially raising your kids?

Why aren't men rejecting home cooked meals and sex at such alarming rates (since most women aren't trustworthy?)