Black Relationships : "Shacking up" before marriage

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by kente417mojo, Jun 25, 2004.

  1. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hey family. Many of us have lived with someone at one time or another. Many of us are married now. My question is, do you think it is important to "shack up" or live with someone before taking those vows? Some may say that it's not the right thing to do, because living together is something for married people. What are your opinions? Is it advisable to live with someone before marrying them? Do you think it's immoral to do so? Would you ever live with someone without talking about the possibility of marriage? Would you ever live with someone knowing that you never want to get married? What advantages or benefits could you gain from waiting to live with a person or from not waiting? :eeek:
     
  2. daroc

    daroc Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    dats def important- u get a chance 2 c da real person. and see how far ur limits can go- even wit little stuff, like the way someone leaves the bathroom, or dont do this or that. it give u da chance to really c if u can withstand dat person for everything. being wit someone all da time lets u see their truths
     
  3. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    No, I don't think it's important.

    Right and wrong are based on an individual's personal value system. It is not a universal concept. I don't look at it in terms of whether it's right or wrong. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it if that's what people want to do. For me, I would prefer to wait because I want more of a permanent arrangement first.

    I don't advise anyone who doesn't seek my advice. My opinion about what people do doesn't really matter does it? It's really their choice.

    No.

    Yes, but only if we were room mates and nothing more.

    Yes. A room mate.

    Depends on the individuals involved, don't you think? It's not so much the wait, but more about what you do while you wait. If people don't want to wait, then I'm sure they have their reasons that work for them.

    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  4. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Don't forget Sister daroc, they can also see your truths! :shades:

    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  5. jazzymoonchild

    jazzymoonchild Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is a good topic. I lived with my ex-fiancee for about a year. That year was the best thing to happen to me because I was able to discover great truths about him. When someone spends a night with you here and there, you only catch a glimpse of them. Do they shower before they go to bed? Is their room tidy? Do they do the dishes, etc... When you live with someone, you see the good and bad days, and you can observe how you both relate to each other,...with sicknesses, job stresses, or just wanting your space. I promised my daughter, after his tumultuous departure, that I would not have another man live with us. I would have to be married before I do that again. That is just my personal choice. I know I want to be married again eventually, and some people use living together as a crutch to not make a more permanent commitment to each other.
     
  6. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    if you hold a faith that forbidden it ! which many folks do
    it would be wrong to live together and not married but also
    we fine and see it more & more that many do , it helps learn
    each other the inner side and how it would be to live with each other
    it's a good way to know all the pros & cons of a mate that u feel and
    hope to spend your life with surely it's nothing wrong with it too me
    i have done it and found out it's good to see all things of a person or mate
     
  7. Alkebulan

    Alkebulan Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    u bringin it bro kente17

    ur on a roll w these gr8 ?'s kente17. i like the wy u think. :thanks:

    honestly, i wldn't consider marryin som1 i hdn't lived w 1st. i'm @ a stage n my life now, where i'm ?ing the whole concept of marriage as it is currently laid out. i'm not condeming it 4 others, but i'm definitely not feelin it @ the moment. 4 1 thing, i find the whole notion of entering n2 an agreement w another person which is supposed 2 last 4ever intimidating, & i hvn't really even got tht far 2 go! :lol: :lol:

    f the only choices r b/t marriage & being entirely alone & frequently lonely, i wld hv 2 say, i insist on hving more options then that. & f i do marry, i want 2 b/c an unrestricted free agent after 5 yrs, & b able 2 'test the market'. :laugh: this whole, homegurl gets half my junk f it doesen't wk out thang needs som serious updateing as well. :deal: :deal:

    none of the above means i luv my precious any less, but i'd like 2 spare both of us the truculent, pejorative, indelibly scarring experience of that phase of the amerikkkan experince known as,


    divorce court




    some1 posed the ? on another thread, 'is divorce inevitable?'. shrt answer - only f u get married.

    c, it begins like, :wave: :wave: , then, :wink: & :flirt: :flirt: which leads 2 :love: :love: followed by, :eeek: :eeek: when reality hits, which then produces som serious :cry: :cry: & then :toast: goes to :argue: :argue: which progresses to :fight: :fight: culminating in :uzi: :flamet: :driveby:
     
  8. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    The only way I'd live with someone before marriage is if we were within 6 months of a SET wedding date. Too many people shack up and NEVER marry...but remain shacked up for years...

    You could live with someone for 5 or 6 years and never really know them. Time is not always the key. Good communication is.
     
  9. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well said CarrieMonet. I agree with this 100%
     
  10. renee

    renee Active Member MEMBER

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    :fight: Greetings, living together is a big step, if your going to live like husband and wife then let the vows be spoken. i'm not here to judge no one god knows,but i think we as a people need to get ourself together,we are godly people,and it's time we start to act like it, we talk about family values what are we teaching our children yes it's okay to break gods rules, brothers and sisters if can sleep with each other then we can marry each other. and teach our children the rigth values, myself as well, we got to get back our family bondage,and live like the most high wanted us to live. i love each and everyone of you and i don't know you,but i love god so we are all his children. peace my family!!! chat with you soon. :luvv:
     
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