Black Parenting : To the single moms raising young Black men

[MsVeraisblessed]

I learned when i was being single working mom to 3 sons that you must find some positive male role model for them. their dad wasn't a role model, but thier grandpa was. he has helped me out more that their dad did.

I also learned to keep them busy into sports, school activities, church or any other community gathering,...anything to keep them out of trouble.. It wasn't easy raising them in the hood where gangs activities, soliciting of drugs and robberies was happening at every second. I couldn't watch them at every second while i was at work. i had to learn to pray hard for their safety.

 

[Kemetstry]

He is 13 years old.

But no matter how much support a mother gives, the boys are still hungry for that male attention. It is their need and right to have that connection. But unfortunately in our community, it is not provided.

I was born and raised for most of my childhood in the hood. And I will tell you this problem is why a lot of our men become a bunch of angry Black men.

OMG! He's reached puberty. You have suddenly lost about 50-100 IQ points. And you're a female, which by definition to him, means you cant possibly understand.

You have done a good job by getting him male role models. That must continue. You also must understand that the next few years are critical. You cant make any excuses, nor allow him any. Lead by example, demand that he be an example anbd make sure he has plenty of good examples in his life

Now, for those who have ears. This is why it is imperative you find a good mate 1st. Guys dont come with an easy button that makes them a man when you need them to be





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[Shikamaru]

Reading lots of books and computers kept me out of much trouble.

Academics, in general, kept me out of much trouble.

Having some form of employment keeps one out of trouble. One works so much you don't have time to get into trouble .

 

[queensweet]

I think too ... that oftentimes ... it's more devastating to the Mother that the Father is not present ... that she's been left alone to do such a great task, that required two to create ... the loss of the relationship ... how easily the Father moved on ... the Single Mother's pain from this can be so great ... she can't imagine it being any less for the child ... but children are resilient ... oftentimes they take their queues from us ... if we're devastated and traumatized ... so are they ... if we have no confidence, neither will they ... if we don't believe the baby can be fine without a Father, or without a Mother, or without a leg, or without riches, or without anything they currently do not have ... then the chances are great the baby will feel that too.

Single Mothers have a lot more influence, impact, and control than they want to lay claim to.

In fact, laying claim to such almost excuses the absent Father, for he is not the focal point anymore, and that's hard for the Single Mother to do ... given that great emotion, pain, heartache, a host of heavy feelings are involved.

But as the Single Mother ... you gotta let all of that go ... for the sake of the baby.

Sister queensweet ... i'm not saying this is the case for you ... just a general observation i've noticed.

Love You!



Destee

Well actually I have to disagree. My son has expressed deep hurt. As the tears rolled down his facing, he told me about how he would have nightmares in reference to his father and how his father did not come to get him when he said he would. He also talked about how his father would complain about how far he had to travel to come and get him. I had no idea that he felt the way he did since the age of 7 years old. He thought going to live with his father last year for 2 months would make him accept him but found out he was wrong.

To as you can see my feelings have nothing to do with it. And a child still needs a positive male role model.

 

[queensweet]

OMG! He's reached puberty. You have suddenly lost about 50-100 IQ points. And you're a female, which by definition to him, means you cant possibly understand.

You have done a good job by getting him male role models. That must continue. You also must understand that the next few years are critical. You cant make any excuses, nor allow him any. Lead by example, demand that he be an example anbd make sure he has plenty of good examples in his life

Now, for those who have ears. This is why it is imperative you find a good mate 1st. Guys dont come with an easy button that makes them a man when you need them to be





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I have to disagree with your statement I bolded in red only because no one can truly know a person. I am quite sure you have realized that people have a way of putting up a façade. So when one is picking, that individual is taking a risk. Everyone has secrets and not to fail to mention, people do change (good today, bad tomorrow and vice versa). Just like there are men whom aren't up to paw, there are also women whom fall in the same boat (I am quite sure you have come across at least one. lol.) I was with my son's father for a little over 5 years, trying to hang in there and work along with a brother. I realized that it was time wasted on someone whom didn't want to do right.