Black Relationships : What's good about marriage for men?

[Queenie]

Brother Kente, I can't answer your question posed in this thread because what might work for me may not work for you. I agree with Brother Pan, marriage is an individual thing that we each must decide for ourselves and I don't believe that it can be prescribed by what's written in a book.

First of all, I recognize that your question was posed to the men but I did want to let you know how much I respect your candid way of expressing your thoughts and feelings about marriage. I find it refreshing because it's not a cookie cutter opinion. In my humble opinion, marriage is NOT for everyone and I don't believe that everyone is meant to be married....at least not in the American traditional way.

Your life lesson which is based on experience has opened your eyes about who you are and what you believe is right for you--and that's always a very good growth experience. A great many people get married simply because they read somewhere that people should when they are "in love" or they learned it from family members, ministers, and other people around them, including the legal system. But if we're honest, most of us know that many marriages fail because people became disillusioned with themselves or the partner they were with and realized it wasn't what they thought it would be like. For many, the notion "until death do you part" became a very scarey concept once they woke up and took off the rose-colored glasses they had been wearing.

Like anything in life, marriage is what people make of it. No more and no less. People can be just as happy single, and live a fulfilling life as those who are married. Research that indicates that married men live longer than single men is interesting assuming that everyone wants to live a long life or that living a year or two longer makes that much of a difference. That even assumes that married men are all happy in their marriages. What if living longer only extends their period of unhappiness? Hmmmm....

But anyway, I respect you young blood for your honesty and sense of integrity when it comes to expressing your feelings on this topic. I hope that whatever it is that you are seeking in a relationship, comes to you eventually and brings you a lifetime of joy and happiness.

Peace,
Queenie

 

[RelaxedMomentum]

Old

Brothas, we all have had thoughts of marriage and maybe even acted on those thoughts and got married. My question is simple....what incentive is there for men to marry? Yes, women are important in our lives and we love them, but is it really worth it to put yourself out there and make yourself so vulnerable? I know this subject has come up in other threads, but I'm not sure if we really spoke on it alone. Do the positive and negative parts of marriage balance out? Is there more good than bad in a marriage for men? My opinion, as many know already, is that marriage is a lop-sided event that only benefits the woman (most of the time). What are your thoughts? Maybe some of the married folks have some points that haven't been presented yet (good or bad).

When you get old, if you are blessed with old age, maybe you will see the benefits then.

 

[indya]

Yeah Indya, it's definatley not the same feeling- Security wise anyhow. Wow! you were married at a younger age than me!. Did you live with your Husband beforehand?.

No we didn't live together before we got married. My dad would have killed me and probably castrated my husband. My dad was pretty strict when I was growing up, four daughters will do that to ya I guess.

 

[indya]

The biggest advantage of marriage is, if you marry the right one you will have a life long companion that will be uninhibited in the expression of her love for you. She will have no doubt as long as you don't give her a reason to doubt. She will fully surrender herself to you as long as you do the things a husband is supposed to do. Marriage is a balance of love, respect and trust. If a woman can't trust her man she will not respect him and eventually she will lose her love for him. Bottomline is though we my seem manly and tough on the outside, deep down we want to be loved in every way. We want our ego stroked. We want to feel special. This is what a good marriage brings but the street runs both ways.

I love the way you wrote this.

Kente, Hopefully you will find the woman your meant to be with and you will discover for yourself the benefits of being with one person "till death due us part". I think marriage does make people feel secure, I'm not talking about money. I'm talking about feelings, letting you open up completely and making yourself vulnerable to another person.

Marriage is alot of work and your right, marriage laws do benefit the woman.

 

[Oba Iparankanru]

Just because of the laws set up in america atleast outside of texas. just couldn't do it legally.