Black Relationships : The Institution of Marriage: More and more men are boycotting...

Absolutely Queen ...

being on the same page is great, but heck, just being in the same book is good also :)

There is no scientific data backing this up...this is just my humble opinion, based on the few friends I know, what I've read, and just general observation. The forgotten partner I mentioned is more in reference to the legal aspect than the emotional aspect.

There is little equity in the court systems when it comes to divorces and child custody for men. The focus is on the child(ren) if any, and the female. I concur strongly that the focus should be on the child(ren), the problem I see is that the courts, for the most part attach the child(ren) with the female and the male is "forgotten". Things are getting better, but they have a long way to go, and because of that, to some men, it only takes one fail marriage to cause them to "rethink" about marrying again.

When a man re-marries (if he had children from his first marriage), he is obligated to two households on the same income as before. If a woman re-marries, for the most part, she's only obligated to her current family...this is a huge factor that's often overlooked or "forgotten". Everything is relative and each marriage/divorce situation will be different I know.

"They" say that second marriages are very difficult and often times expensive (especially if there are children) ... men might be turning to "boycotting" marriage and thinking the very thing that Kem alluded to :)
 
LOL! Strong statements Dre :) ... you do have a way with words.

I'm marinading on your comment " ... ours are ending very quickly either because we don't get that we are looking for...or because we have gotten it and its time to move on. "

This is worth thinking about, b'cause it does appear in this society that this is what's happening!
 
Hold up guys...

Before you start bumpin' chests and hi-fiving...LOL

Dre' you had me crackin' up when I read your post! *lol*

"On men swearing off marriage IMHO..many just don't feel it is worth the hassle. They can acheive everthing in life without the headache of having a wife." When did wives become a "headache?" *LOL*

"...so all that's left is love and companisionship in old age..and they can worry about that at 50 or 55. Before that age why not have their cake and eat it to without having to be accountable to a wife for their actions." 50 or 55 is OLD age? You mean people in that age bracket aren't supposed to have fun anymore? *LOL*

I agree with ZG, you do have a way with words! *lol* I also agree that your assessment of why marriages aren't lasting as long today as compared to the past could be a large part of the problem with marriages that are failing. I think there are many factors to consider but I agree this is one. Self-gratification is a hungry beast that requires a daily dose of selfishness to sustain it.

ZG...thanks for the response. I'm clear now about what you meant about men often being the forgotten partner in failed marriages. From a legal standpoint, I would agree, although that is slowly changing. When children are involved, I wonder how many fathers actually pursue custody of the children when a divorce is looming ahead.

American society is gender biased (among other biases) and the legal system (and religious institutions) continues to assume that children are better off with their mothers because of the nurturing role assigned to women in this country. So when mothers take care of these children, even when she marries again, the children remain a financial expense for the biological fathers. Now, the right or wrong...good or not so good of that is a whole other debate.

Is being "selfish" inherently a bad thing or are we just taught that it is? :)
 
I do not think marriage is a thing of the past. I plan on getting married, no time soon though, I am still a young cat. I am still working on building my foundation. Unlike some people, I do not want to be married living in my parents house. I know some nice sistahs and when I get situated who knows, no rush. I remember my freshman orientation at university. The president was speaking and said, "...I know a lot of you ladys are here looking for husbands". You could look at this marriage thing in 2 ways.

1.Some guys are living the "playa" life style. We all know the saying, why pay for something you can get for free. A lot of this comes from morals.

2.Men donot want to be caught up in baby-momma-drama / a messy divorce/ ect. Men know the courts are not our friends. A man gets a divorce and you know a lot of times she will get half, child support, and maybe alimony. Image paying all that and a few days after the divorce she moves in a new man. While the ex-husband is barely making it, he is sleeping on the floor of an apartment. The more he makes the more she gets. Men see cases like this and wonder is it worth it.

Sometimes women need to take a look in the mirror. The blame everyone but themselves. http://www.stankmag.net/undesirables.shtml
 

Donate

Support destee.com, the oldest, most respectful, online black community in the world - PayPal or CashApp

Latest profile posts

HODEE wrote on Etophil's profile.
Welcome to Destee
@Etophil
Destee wrote on SleezyBigSlim's profile.
Hi @SleezyBigSlim ... Welcome Welcome Welcome ... :flowers: ... please make yourself at home ... :swings:
Back
Top