Black Relationships : What's good about marriage for men?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by kente417mojo, Dec 30, 2004.

  1. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Brothas, we all have had thoughts of marriage and maybe even acted on those thoughts and got married. My question is simple....what incentive is there for men to marry? Yes, women are important in our lives and we love them, but is it really worth it to put yourself out there and make yourself so vulnerable? I know this subject has come up in other threads, but I'm not sure if we really spoke on it alone. Do the positive and negative parts of marriage balance out? Is there more good than bad in a marriage for men? My opinion, as many know already, is that marriage is a lop-sided event that only benefits the woman (most of the time). What are your thoughts? Maybe some of the married folks have some points that haven't been presented yet (good or bad).
     
  2. 1hotvirgowoman

    1hotvirgowoman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Good Thread Kente!!!. Unfortunately, I have nothing else to say.
     
  3. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Come on 1hotvirgowoman, you're married right? What good do you bring for your husband that you didn't or couldn't do before you got married. What was the reason (besides love, which can exist without marriage) that he married you, or felt the need to marry you? What did that change in his life on the positive end?
     
  4. 1hotvirgowoman

    1hotvirgowoman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well honestly, I'm not sure of how he feels about me- other than Loving me. As far as what I bring to the Table?. I Cook and Clean and do other special lil' things for him. Before we were Married, I couldn't cook for him(I still lived with my MOM who was very controlling) or clean for him..

    We were going to get Married anyhow but then , I became pregnant, so that speeded up the process a tad. In my honest opinion, being Married is great, but being Married at a young age is terrible!. If this Marriage didn't last, I would still do it again, this time , I would look before I SLEEP! Ya' dig?.
     
  5. Chucky

    Chucky Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    undefinednothing at all
     
  6. indya

    indya Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It's been said that men who are married live longer. One big advantage I would think.

    Marriage is a good idea for people who want to have children. Studies have proven that children do better in a 2 parent home.

    I married young (19) and it was hard at first, but marriage has many benefits. I feel loved and secure, I don't know that I would feel that way if I was just living with someone. Not to mention having children without being married.
     
  7. 1hotvirgowoman

    1hotvirgowoman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Yeah Indya, it's definatley not the same feeling- Security wise anyhow. Wow! you were married at a younger age than me!. Did you live with your Husband beforehand?.
     
  8. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I understand where children would do better in a 2 parent home, I totally agree with that. I'm not sure about the living longer part.

    My problem is that a lot of that stuff is available without marriage. In this day and age the bad outweighs the good for a man in marriage. Why does a person feel "more" loved and "more" secure when they are married? What changes in the relationship? Is marriage essentially to put the woman's mind at ease? Is it all a show for the family members and friends? Is it worth it when the majority (60% I think) of marriages end in divorce...and more times than not the guy gets screwed. This is why I think the bad outweighs the good. Why is it beneficial to take that risk? A woman can cook and clean without being married. A man can work and bring money home without marriage. You can have a strong family without marriage. You can love without marriage. With that being said, is it worth it when the failure rate is so high and the benefits of the union are so low?
     
  9. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    That is beautiful Indya!! :welldone:


    I am curious as to how marriage benefits women more than men Kente...especially older woman.
     
  10. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Women are the only ones that get security with marriage. A man is no more secure when he gets married, than when he's single. Actually, he's less secure because he has the opportunity to get raped financially later on. He has no claim to children most of the time unless the woman is unfit as a mother or doesn't want them. Now, not to say that they aren't cases where the man makes off with his skin, but that's not the norm. Especially in California where I live. Men here get trashed as if the reason for the demise of the relationship was entirely his fault. You have to prove everything and the woman has to prove nothing. If you have a house, you'll be giving it away and renting an apartment if it doesn't work out. You'll have to support those kids according to your income (not what it takes to raise a child) and she doesn't have to prove anything financially. Women don't have to present receipts to show that a certain amount of money from child support goes to the child. Many times that goes to getting their hair done. Women can cheat and still make off with half your cash if you divorce her. My uncle almost got his house snatched from him, but my grandparents had their name on the contract, so they had to sell it and split it four ways. That's the only thing that saved him, and it was because she was cheating repeatedly on him.
     
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