Black Relationships : Giving Your Partner Access to Your Accounts

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by legit-writer, Feb 8, 2013.

  1. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Would you feel comfortable giving your partner your passwords to your emails, and whatever else you do on the internet and your cell phone? Why or why not? If you don't give your passwords to your partner, wouldn't that mean you are hiding something? why or why not? where is the fine line between not being so private with someone you are with and just letting them have access to all of your personal stuff, at what point is it being secretive or hiding something?
     
  2. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Legit, when I decide its going to be me and you, I let you read all the old love letters. Any emails of note, etc. But giving you my password(s)? If showing you up front isnt enough, then I've made a BIG mistake





    .
     
  3. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    :qqb009:ain't NEVER gonna happen…...
     
  4. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    being entitled doesn't mean you get whatever you want...just because you want it. i'm entitled to my privacy. i'm entitled to be trusted by the woman i'm with. as such, should she not trust that she have no need to access my accounts...to invade my privacy? why do i have to be hiding something because she have no business in my personal business. if you walked into your living room and found your man digging through your purse, wouldn't you be offended that he was going through your stuff? yet, he's entitled to do so.

    DO YOU GIVE YOUR ACCESS INFORMATION TO YOUR MOTHER/FATHER/SISTER/BROTHER? if not, does that mean you're hiding something...or that whatever's in your accounts is none of their business...and you don't want them in there?

    in the case of a mate, it could just mean that they want you to respect what's theirs...and understand that what's theirs isn't necessarily yours...even in marriage. that's why you have individual accounts and joint accounts. if you want joint information, get a joint account--email, phones, etc. i didn't give up my life just because i got married. i still need ME time...i still need MY space...i'm still an individual. WE are one. i'm just me...not us.

    i would be uncomfortable with her asking to access my accounts.

    if you and i were together...and i asked for your access information, wouldn't you feel disrespected that i didn't trust you...that i would think you were trying to hide something from me...even if you gave it to me? would that inspire unity within the relationship?
     
  5. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    lol @ try'n to get a Brother's passwords and stuff ... when he got 'em on lock ... :lol:

    naww ... if you wanted someone to have access to your stuff, they'd not even have to ask ... you'd be giving it away, leaving pages open, passwords not even needed ... if that is what you wanted ... and likewise ... if he wanted that ... he'd be asking you to log in for him and check stuff ... and you'd not have to ask either ... if that's what he wanted.

    Let everyone do what they want.
    Great Topic! :toast:

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  6. Each1teach1

    Each1teach1 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Very well put and I agree. I think its ridiculous that someone would even ask their partner for that information. It certainly sends up red flags and you should not walk but run in the other direction as quickly as possible. If you dont have trust, you dont have anything.
     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    TRUST my word and me and no password needed
    seek to find dirt often will get in your eye.........everyone to a point have there privacy
    beside what's done in the dark comes to light , somethings i use a password for and somethings
    i don't what i do use it for is private so no one need to prive into it.

    nope she can't have it !!!
     
  8. mywordsfly

    mywordsfly Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Wow this was interesting to see. I mean we all know I'm down with privacy and anonymity and all that, but dang you guys are PRIVATE!

    My partner and I have been dating since we were 15, and a few months before I was 18 we moved in together and everything's been "ours" ever since. I know the passwords to everything in the house because it's both of ours. Ya, the account at one bank says his name, but I know where the card is and what the pin is and how much is there. I use it for groceries or buying stuff I want. He uses mine for the same thing, video games, pizza, I don't even know. The account at the other bank says my name, but he's got access to that too. It makes stuff a load easier, and I'm not sure exactly what I'd even be "hiding" at this point.
    I mean, naturally I would discuss before I spent a wild amount of cash or anything, but meh. What's the bother. He's one of those brothers whose rarely on his phone anyway, it's usually dead and laying next to his computer (which I know the password to both, as well).

    I wouldn't share any of this with even the next most trusted person on my list. They are all WAY far below my husband. Everybody else in this world is at least fifty feet behind him, in my book.
    Also, I wouldn't consider sharing financial info with my husband/significant other the equivalent of sharing financial info with my mother. That woman is just nosy and meddling! lmao

    Maybe you were talking about people who are just dating? But honestly, at this point we are partners in crime.

    On the other hand, women are always telling me to make my own account because in 30 years he could, you know, hate me and divorce me and here in CA everything is split straight down the middle.

    But it's about trust I guess. I wouldn't be offended if he didn't let me in his account, but maybe it's because he lets me do whatever that I'm just not interested or worried.
     
  9. MimiBelle

    MimiBelle Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Why would I give passwords to my email and other accounts? I'm not doing anything but I wouldn't understand why my partner would even think to ask for it.
    Would I offer up anything? No, if he makes a big 'thing' of it.
    1. ...because he's being intrusive and unreasonable.
    2. ...because I don't want to. <-- and yes that IS a valid reason!
    *laugh*

    I would never think to ask my husband (or any man, for that matter) for the same.
    I have never snooped through a man's things. I have never broke into his phone or email account to find anything.

    If there's no trust, then bigger issues afoot and we need to be talking about way more than some email access.

    ******************

    No, in this case it doesn't mean that I have anything to hide.
    ...because it's really not about me. *laugh*
    It's about him. Let's not deflect....

    I think it's fine and perfectly human to experience bouts of insecurity...actually. We all exhibit flaws. We all 'fall short'. I just have issues with people who aren't into working through their dysfunction.

    Maybe I assume incorrectly but it would seem from your wording that you assume that having an issue with a partner demanding access is evident of wrongdoing. Is that so?
    Well, that's fine and fair...if it is.

    I think...the situation would be different if there were actually a cause for it all. There isn't. In fact, the individual seems to be spurred on by some internal motivation. They don't have a real need to request access. They just want/demand it.

    So, to me, the someone that's described in your quotes is likely nothing but a bottomless pit of human need'... that no amt of reassurance can fill.
    ...because people like this typically don't have a stable self image. Their self esteem is derived... from an external source. That's why they need to be joined at their partner's hip like some hybrid 'Shim' creature.
    ....why such unreasonable and intrusive demands come about in the first place.
    Granted, in a relationship, you kind of agree to take on someone's issues and whatnot...but I'll, personally, be damned before I'd be in a relationship where everything had to serve as a platform for his incessant drama and feelings of personal inadequacy.
     
  10. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    MimiBelle...you're my hero.:)
     
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