Black Relationships : How to deal with your partner's *Depression*

sweet apple*pie

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May 14, 2006
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I am a student, and all though it is hardwork, it
I am just getting out of a relationship, in which my partner was depressed...alot of the time. I loved him, but it seemed aso if he was always down about something. It was like he always had a dark cloud over him. He made me feel down about life too. As time went on, I found that I was draining myself, in my attempt to pick up his spirits. Nothing made him really happy...at most, content. It became a full time job for me to deal with his depression.....I felt like saying *snap out of it!* I got so tired of him destroying my perception of life, that I got a psychiatrist for him. Kicking and Screaming he went, and was diagnosed with Bi-Polar.....now he is taking 3-4 different meds.....i tried to stick around to see how this would help...but by this point the emotional damage had already been done....he had become very abusive in many ways........

Anyone else dealing with someone with depression, and are SICK and TIRED of them being *down* all the time? Are you sick of having your light being snuffed out by their dark, distorted perception of the world? The littlest things piss them off? You can never detect their mood swings from day to day? If you feel me, please holla.....


:skillet: SNaP Out OF iT!!!!
 
I am just getting out of a relationship, in which my partner was depressed...alot of the time. I loved him, but it seemed aso if he was always down about something. It was like he always had a dark cloud over him. He made me feel down about life too. As time went on, I found that I was draining myself, in my attempt to pick up his spirits. Nothing made him really happy...at most, content. It became a full time job for me to deal with his depression.....I felt like saying *snap out of it!* I got so tired of him destroying my perception of life, that I got a psychiatrist for him. Kicking and Screaming he went, and was diagnosed with Bi-Polar.....now he is taking 3-4 different meds.....i tried to stick around to see how this would help...but by this point the emotional damage had already been done....he had become very abusive in many ways........

Anyone else dealing with someone with depression, and are SICK and TIRED of them being *down* all the time? Are you sick of having your light being snuffed out by their dark, distorted perception of the world? The littlest things piss them off? You can never detect their mood swings from day to day? If you feel me, please holla.....


:skillet: SNaP Out OF iT!!!!




I see why they call you "sweet". :run::run:
 
I've seen many in this state of mind and seem to bring everything and everyone around them down
i think these people who suffer bi-polar need to be treated and given time to fine
themselves and the goodness of life and people who love them the most .

No i never been through this but have been on the same page somewhat where
she felt doing wrong was the answer to her problem.
 
I am just getting out of a relationship, in which my partner was depressed...alot of the time. I loved him, but it seemed aso if he was always down about something. It was like he always had a dark cloud over him. He made me feel down about life too. As time went on, I found that I was draining myself, in my attempt to pick up his spirits. Nothing made him really happy...at most, content. It became a full time job for me to deal with his depression.....I felt like saying *snap out of it!* I got so tired of him destroying my perception of life, that I got a psychiatrist for him. Kicking and Screaming he went, and was diagnosed with Bi-Polar.....now he is taking 3-4 different meds.....i tried to stick around to see how this would help...but by this point the emotional damage had already been done....he had become very abusive in many ways........

Anyone else dealing with someone with depression, and are SICK and TIRED of them being *down* all the time? Are you sick of having your light being snuffed out by their dark, distorted perception of the world? The littlest things piss them off? You can never detect their mood swings from day to day? If you feel me, please holla.....


:skillet: SNaP Out OF iT!!!!
Greetings sweet apple *pie!

First...Thank You Brother $$RICH$$ for posting and bringing this back up.

sweet apple*pie
I remember reading this when you first posted yet was not in a space to reply. My initial thoughts then are probably pretty much the same as they are now.
The long and short of it as I have come to know is this.....

When someone is "depressed" it helps to help them identify and talk about what they are ANGRY about.

In a nutshell, "depression" is a depressing or pushing down...suppression of the emotion ANGER. The best way I have found to support someone is to help them identify and express that which is supporting the ANGER.

"Anger" as an emotion is a signal that an INJUSTICE is happening or has happened in their life.

In the end, it has been beneficial for me to have a safe space to identify and appropriately express the anger. Once that is done AND...the FEELINGS are Validated....not minimized, marginalized nor "managed" instead....acknowledged as JUSTIFIED....then work can happen to determine what to do next.

Of course, I have SOOOOOOOO much more to say to this and therefore....I'm going to make it the topic on my blogtalkradio show this Saturday!
As I'm active in my "field" again, I am seeing and hearing the very painful stories of Folks of Afreekan Descent who are VICTIMS in this shystem of racism/white lunacy! It is TOUGH work and I ..for the most part....LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT! When I see the spark of life in the face of an Afreekan Descendant....behind the haze of medications :nono::( as they struggle to get FREE from substances and other meds. they use to manage the ANGER and PAIN of having been VICTIMIZED since coming to this earth...Afreekan, then it's worth my carrying their stories in my heart and mind and Spirit!. Taking that journey with them...towards....RECOVERY.

Anyway I can appreciate the desire to beat him over the head...however....that's prolly the main reason he depressed now. Having been beat over the head with racist logic and lifestyle. Having had a pile of ish dumped on him (and her @ $$RICH$$)....a pile of WHITE-OUT....aka...spilt milk.


M.E.
:hearts2:
 
thank you

Greetings sweet apple *pie!

First...Thank You Brother $$RICH$$ for posting and bringing this back up.

sweet apple*pie
I remember reading this when you first posted yet was not in a space to reply. My initial thoughts then are probably pretty much the same as they are now.
The long and short of it as I have come to know is this.....

When someone is "depressed" it helps to help them identify and talk about what they are ANGRY about.

In a nutshell, "depression" is a depressing or pushing down...suppression of the emotion ANGER. The best way I have found to support someone is to help them identify and express that which is supporting the ANGER.

"Anger" as an emotion is a signal that an INJUSTICE is happening or has happened in their life.

In the end, it has been beneficial for me to have a safe space to identify and appropriately express the anger. Once that is done AND...the FEELINGS are Validated....not minimized, marginalized nor "managed" instead....acknowledged as JUSTIFIED....then work can happen to determine what to do next.

Of course, I have SOOOOOOOO much more to say to this and therefore....I'm going to make it the topic on my blogtalkradio show this Saturday!
As I'm active in my "field" again, I am seeing and hearing the very painful stories of Folks of Afreekan Descent who are VICTIMS in this shystem of racism/white lunacy! It is TOUGH work and I ..for the most part....LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT! When I see the spark of life in the face of an Afreekan Descendant....behind the haze of medications :nono::( as they struggle to get FREE from substances and other meds. they use to manage the ANGER and PAIN of having been VICTIMIZED since coming to this earth...Afreekan, then it's worth my carrying their stories in my heart and mind and Spirit!. Taking that journey with them...towards....RECOVERY.

Anyway I can appreciate the desire to beat him over the head...however....that's prolly the main reason he depressed now. Having been beat over the head with racist logic and lifestyle. Having had a pile of ish dumped on him (and her @ $$RICH$$)....a pile of WHITE-OUT....aka...spilt milk.


M.E.
:hearts2:



What you've written is so very true and accurate. I have had bouts of depression since I was twelve years old. Every "episode" occured after a perceived injustice in my life, one in which I had no place to vent my anger which was very justified.

And these events can skew one's perception of life - it can be hard to trust again that life is on your side, especially when the loss seems severe.

I am recovering from a recent "decent" - and keeping my balance in spite of the ongoing changes and disruptions around me. I am staying grounded and moving through life breath by breath, allowing the Creator to remove from my life, those things and people that are not a part of my recovery and my success. I recognize that in order to heal my wounds, the old me that once held onto relationships out of loyalty and duty, has to give way to a dedicated self-love and selfishness. I deserve the blessings that come into my life, and I deserve to be happy, even if it means I do that without the bloodlines of my tribe.

My personal anger was a combination of dealing with the WPS and my own internal family unit that sold out to the White system more than once.

I give thanks today that I've survived, and am on my way back to letting the Creator lift me up and surround me with the love, peace and abundance I deserve! The persons involved will not take responsibility for the choices they made, and I can now accept that without needing revenge - that part took a long time.

I discovered that forgiveness is about letting go, of the need for revenge. Letting go for the sake of my Spirit, and knowing that what they did was wrong, but it doesn't have to haunt me.

A family member used to tell me, forgive but don't forget, I have to say that I agree with them!
 

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