Black Relationships : Should You Discuss Your Past With Your Partner?

Should You Discuss Your Past With Your Partner?


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Is it fair to ask your partner about their past? How much are you willing to share? How much do you want to know? Is it relevant? Do you think the information is helpful, or harmful to your relationship? At what point would you discuss these things, if ever? Will you hold it against them?

Yes some of it ..I believe if you're planning to be soulmates /Galaxies together you must know crucial things about each other, intimate, spiritual, emotional, physical and even sexual...and past behavior is a great factor in knowing a person if they done bad things to people and in general, how they come with their past when it was negative things or positive things, that will determine how both partners will connect and if they last forever even in the other heavens/Galaxies/solar systems or if they fail
 
Yes some of it ..I believe if you're planning to be soulmates /Galaxies together you must know crucial things about each other, intimate, spiritual, emotional, physical and even sexual...and past behavior is a great factor in knowing a person if they done bad things to people and in general, how they come with their past when it was negative things or positive things, that will determine how both partners will connect and if they last forever even in the other heavens/Galaxies/solar systems or if they fail

They say "past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior"
 
THIS IS NOT ME!!!... SO DON'T Y'ALL START TRIPPING... I FOUND THIS ONLINE...LOL


I told my boyfriend about my past--but now he can't get over it

This week, one reader says her boyfriend can't get over her sexual history, while another is contemplating
reaching
out to an ex. Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle cuts through the fluff with her love advice in TODAY.com's "30-second therapist" series.


Q: Ever since I told my boyfriend about my past (that I have slept with about 60 guys), he has not been able to get over it. Nine months in our relationship and he assures me every once in a while that he has to have his own sexual experiences before getting married so he can be fulfilled and have no regrets. He has only slept with a few girls. I can't have a conversation without using “trigger” words that make him look at me in disgust and admit how he can't deal with my sexual history. He compares me to other girls and even labels me. But at other times, he says he really loves me. I can't stand this. Do I break up with him? How will I be sure he will still love me after sleeping around or having his sexual experiences? Will he still come back to me? I'm confused out of my mind. —Lady With a Past

Dear Lady With a Past,

Did you gulp a double dose of truth serum? Having a boyfriend doesn’t mean divulging every zit you’ve ever had! Because of your bragging, boyfriend now thinks he’s in a competitive sex war. Or perhaps you’re deliberately sabotaging this union. In the song “Isn’t That So?,” Lyle Lovett sings that “you got to go when your heart says go.” Decipher whether this is what your heart is telling you—and determine whether you’re a commitment phobe!


No matter what the cause, you can’t retract what you have already shared. Instead of flinging revelations that pump you up and diminish your guy, decide what your love goal is. Whether it’s for this relationship or your next, you must learn to co-exist without competing. Otherwise, forget long-term love with anyone.
—Dr. Gilda

Read more
http://www.today.com/health/i-told-my-boyfriend-about-my-past-now-he-cant-2D11849731
 
Is it fair to ask your partner about their past?

That's up to my partner to decide. I could think it's fair all day long, but some women are insecure about their past. But if it comes down to the circumstances in which they may or may not harmed or killed a brother, then it's definitely fair in my view.

How much are you willing to share?

Depends on how much she wants to know and what she's willing to not penalize me for. I've got nothing to hide, but some sisters really don't want to know all of a story like mine's, or so says my experience.

How much do you want to know?
Everything, really, but I will listen to as much as she wishes to give. Gotta admit, though, if it turns into a murder or brutaltiy confession, I'd probably be out. I wouldn't snitch, but I'd be out.

Is it relevant?
Most definitely, because you want to know what you're getting into, and you'd hope your potential partner would be honest with you.

Do you think the information is helpful, or harmful to your relationship?

Helpful. That way you can make good, informed decisions and address things honestly.

At what point would you discuss these things, if ever?

If we're in a relationship, I would hope we'd have discussed things already. Don't like negative surprises that were known about and could have been discussed before the relationship. The less secrets there are, and the more positive honesty between us, the more secure the relationship can become.

Will you hold it against them?

Depends on what it is. I can deal with a lot if you're honest with me. If you have rage issues, tendencies to want to control or hurt or kill men, though, I can't deal. Most everything else, within reason, we can reason with each other as to what we want to do. If we decide on a relationship and we put it all on the table, then NO. Nothing in your past is a weapon I'd use against you, and I would hope the same on her end.
 
That's up to my partner to decide. I could think it's fair all day long, but some women are insecure about their past. But if it comes down to the circumstances in which they may or may not harmed or killed a brother, then it's definitely fair in my view.



Depends on how much she wants to know and what she's willing to not penalize me for. I've got nothing to hide, but some sisters really don't want to know all of a story like mine's, or so says my experience.


Everything, really, but I will listen to as much as she wishes to give. Gotta admit, though, if it turns into a murder or brutaltiy confession, I'd probably be out. I wouldn't snitch, but I'd be out.


Most definitely, because you want to know what you're getting into, and you'd hope your potential partner would be honest with you.



Helpful. That way you can make good, informed decisions and address things honestly.



If we're in a relationship, I would hope we'd have discussed things already. Don't like negative surprises that were known about and could have been discussed before the relationship. The less secrets there are, and the more positive honesty between us, the more secure the relationship can become.



Depends on what it is. I can deal with a lot if you're honest with me. If you have rage issues, tendencies to want to control or hurt or kill men, though, I can't deal. Most everything else, within reason, we can reason with each other as to what we want to do. If we decide on a relationship and we put it all on the table, then NO. Nothing in your past is a weapon I'd use against you, and I would hope the same on her end.

Thanks for posting. I never thought about someone confessing to a murderous impulses or something like that.
 

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