Black Relationships : BODY LANGUAGE - SISTERS AND THEIR SIGNALS...

[Omowale Jabali]

Brother O, I'm not EXPERIENCING much at all, and haven't done so for almost a decade now, so I'll have to go along with you on that front.

Apparently, I wasn't clear regarding the Black men talking about the shortage. These men are AGREEING with Black women that yes, there is a shortage of relationship-minded Black men available to Black women. This is what the articles and such also say and you are verifying this with your statements regarding Black men "expanding" their options and dating other groups and races of women. This is often cited in all of those articles and discussions as one of the main reasons why the pool of eligible Black men has shrunk a whole lot.

I also agree that for some younger Black women, income and social class is a major factor in the mate selection process. My younger female cousins, for ex., are looking for men who have similar incomes and on a similar social level and they're not finding them. Also "higher income" is a relative term. When it comes to income, I'm talking about these young relatives of mine from 26-35 who make on the average of $65,000 a year.

I also agree that when you and I were in our 20s, there were many more Black men and women who were closer in terms of income and social level, but when you consider that a big chunk of the higher strata younger Black men these days are dating other groups and races, that could very well account for some of the ones that are missing--the ones my cousins are looking for.

People, in general, are dating a lot more across racial and ethnic lines. For ex. my cousins say that many of their white, Asian, and other non-Black peers are heavily dating and marrying across racial and ethnic lines. Among these young professionals, Asian women are dating and marrying white men a lot and white women date and marry everybody

Okay sister. this is a long drawn out discussion that can continue into eternity with no resolution. We are essentially saying the same thing but a differnece in how the message is being communicated. For example, these young relatives of yours CHOOSE to seek men within a particular RACE and CLASS, while it seems everyone else is CHOOSING to seek men and women OUTSIDE of their respective Race and CLASS...

While you sate that "white women date and marry everybody", increasingly, Black MEN are doing the same..

particularly younger Black men because Black women in their age group do not view them as "suitable"...

do you see how these "signals" keep getting crossed??

I mean, really, I hear what you are telling me quite often from even the younger women (28-35) that I do end up dating or "socializing" with...and even then, my age and a considerable age difference does come into play, if not initially, because they naturally are seeking someone closer to their age, not a "granddad"...What works for me is the fact that I look younger than I am and am upfront about my age...a lot of younger women initially say they dont have a problem with it but deep inside they do and i know it because I hear them and their friends complain about it all the time. Even from my daughter who is only 20...

As i see it, this is a manufactured shortage as a result of CHOICE....I know plenty of young, college educated Black men who overwhelmingly are single....and its a result of their own choice or women their age are looking elsewhere, or...

have not yet gotten up the nerve to approach these young men and it has become an easier route for them to get together and continue to affirm each other in perpetuating the myth that they dont exist...

and as i stated before, if the median income of Black families is around 30k what is the percentage of Black women, in relation to the general population that are earning 65k or above a year??

These younger women you speak of are the EXCEPTION...not the rule...

 

[IfUComeSoftly]

Off the topic just a bit... I would concur with a lot of younger men trying to date older women; now i don't know what their reasoning is... however it happens quite often...

My mama is 44 and men literally are beating down her door. i mean men always have tried to talk to her but i guess it is really noticeable now b/c they'll ask us *her children* about her. i mean it's ridiculous.... i can remember in high school.. the single young principal was trying to get at my mama... she's a manager at a kroger... and i know of two men that come by everyday just to say hello... mama is completely oblivious to this. i just told her friday, "ma! men don't come to a grocery store every day! they are coming to see you and you are shooting 'em down.!" she still doesn't see it....
i see it though... women, especially black women, look better with age. there's a confidence there that wasn't there before. she's more comfortable with herself... so on and so forth.... that's if she's matured. not all people mature. and that's if her face and body doesn't look like she had a 'hard' life... okay back to the topic....

btw... she'll ignore men period... but she will ignore a young one in a hot minute... completely dismiss him. my aunts follow suit. now my aunt's best friend loves younger men... she's the only one i know of though... and i have a family full of nice looking women... my aunt's friend also tries to look young. maybe that has something to do with it....

 

[SAMURAI36]

Off the topic just a bit... I would concur with a lot of younger men trying to date older women; now i don't know what their reasoning is... however it happens quite often...

I explained this in my earlier post--at least from my perspective (and that of those that I hear from other Brothers who share my same interest in older women).

My mama is 44 and men literally are beating down her door. i mean men always have tried to talk to her but i guess it is really noticeable now b/c they'll ask us *her children* about her. i mean it's ridiculous.... i can remember in high school.. the single young principal was trying to get at my mama... she's a manager at a kroger... and i know of two men that come by everyday just to say hello... mama is completely oblivious to this. i just told her friday, "ma! men don't come to a grocery store every day! they are coming to see you and you are shooting 'em down.!" she still doesn't see it....
i see it though... women, especially black women, look better with age. there's a confidence there that wasn't there before. she's more comfortable with herself... so on and so forth.... that's if she's matured. not all people mature. and that's if her face and body doesn't look like she had a 'hard' life... okay back to the topic....

Out of curiosity, what is her reasoning for "shooting these men down"? Does she not want a man in her life?

btw... she'll ignore men period... but she will ignore a young one in a hot minute... completely dismiss him. my aunts follow suit.

What's their reasoning for doing any of this?

now my aunt's best friend loves younger men... she's the only one i know of though... and i have a family full of nice looking women... my aunt's friend also tries to look young. maybe that has something to do with it....

I have to say, that I try to steer clear of the older women who try to dress and act younger....I have absolutely no interest in them.

If I wanted a woman who acts and dresses younger, I'll just get a younger woman.

PEACE

 

[SAMURAI36]

Brother O, I'm not EXPERIENCING much at all, and haven't done so for almost a decade now, so I'll have to go along with you on that front.

Apparently, I wasn't clear regarding the Black men talking about the shortage. These men are AGREEING with Black women that yes, there is a shortage of relationship-minded Black men available to Black women. This is what the articles and such also say and you are verifying this with your statements regarding Black men "expanding" their options and dating other groups and races of women. This is often cited in all of those articles and discussions as one of the main reasons why the pool of eligible Black men has shrunk a whole lot.

I also agree that for some younger Black women, income and social class is a major factor in the mate selection process. My younger female cousins, for ex., are looking for men who have similar incomes and on a similar social level and they're not finding them. Also "higher income" is a relative term. When it comes to income, I'm talking about these young relatives of mine from 26-35 who make on the average of $65,000 a year.

I also agree that when you and I were in our 20s, there were many more Black men and women who were closer in terms of income and social level, but when you consider that a big chunk of the higher strata younger Black men these days are dating other groups and races, that could very well account for some of the ones that are missing--the ones my cousins are looking for.

People, in general, are dating a lot more across racial and ethnic lines. For ex. my cousins say that many of their white, Asian, and other non-Black peers are heavily dating and marrying across racial and ethnic lines. Among these young professionals, Asian women are dating and marrying white men a lot and white women date and marry everybody

My only question to you with regards to this, Sister, is what are you going to do, in the midst of all of this......?

I could be wrong, but it doesn't sound like you have much of a game-plan, as it pertains to procuring a mate for yourself, though I gather from your past sentiments that finding one is your intent, or at least your desire.

I have to say, that as a person whom is also striving to ultimately have the very same, that not having a "game-plan" of some sort will not get us very far, considering all the stipulations and hinderances that we have been speaking about here.

Where you and I differ, is that you seem to be most comfortable employing a more passive role (whereas I suppose I'm taking more of a "passive-aggressive" one :?: ), which I suppose I have to respect.

However, questioning the passive role notwithstanding (I have said in past discussions that a "closed mouth is not going to get fed", with regards to dating/mating), if one is going to employ that method, then it would do you a huge disservice to not acknowledge those who might be an aggressor (i.e.: the younger gentleman you encountered in the department store).

As a younger man who takes interest in women your age, I can say with utmost certainty, that the elusiveness that you displayed in your encounter might turn some younger men off, as for us, the pursuit of an older woman symbolizes the certainty and decisiveness that we as younger men are not getting from the women in our age range.

Using Sister SOFTLY's response as an example: it would be easy to translate your dismissal of this younger man, as being dismissed simply because he is younger.

This for us is a doubled stress; we already have to worry as to whether we are your "type" (whatever that means) to begin with, but worrying if we are "old enough" just adds to the dilemma.

I must re-emphasized the fact, that younger men are still men. We are no less capable of loving you, satisfying you, and protecting you, than any other man would be--and probably alot better, in some cases.

PEACE

 

[IfUComeSoftly]

I explained this in my earlier post--at least from my perspective (and that of those that I hear from other Brothers who share my same interest in older women).
Out of curiosity, what is her reasoning for "shooting these men down"? Does she not want a man in her life?

she has a long time on again off again fiance...

What's their reasoning for doing any of this?

PEACE

she just does not recognize that these men are serious about dating her. she doesn't notice when men are attracted to her. she's in disbelief when you are finally able to convince her... even if she didn't have her boyfriend i don't think she'd pay them much attention right now... she's in a 'i'ma worry about me and have the time of my life phase.'... and that's a place she's never been before...
also since she's a really nice looking woman with a favorable shape men have always approached her... i think that since it's always happened she's built up this 'resistance' to it... and she just thinks people are 'being nice'... her words..
btw... in general... she thinks younger men are way too much work and they need a bit of of living before they can appraoch her... as she says... "ive raised my children."...