Black Relationships : Sharing my background with sisters

[KPITRL]

anything besides nothing. I mean a lot of educated women these day don't even like talking black, which doesn't automatically, mean
talking ghetto or hood. They like to talk in that, what they call, a becky voice these days. Then you have some that mumble while doing it, making it worst. Then when they slip up and use a phrase like, "child, let me tell you" or some similar phrase black woman use, they act as though you caught them with their hand in the cocky jar. Then when I get relaxed and start talking to them like they're family, they want to look at me like I'm ghetto, smh. I don't really mind when a sister talk that becky talk, as long as they aren't mumbling when they do it, or as long as they don't over do it...but it's still better than talking to a hoodrat. These becky's usually began talking like themselves eventually, most of the time anyway. I just don't like it when they try to prejudge a brother after he puts down some of that professional talk. There's a time when we both just need to let our hair down. But some don't know when too.

This sounds more like yourself. Can't you have a conversation without judging a brother?




I knew you were going to go there. Speaking of hearing only what you want to hear, I already pointed it out in my original post that I seldom share with any dates to this day where I was actually raised, unless they ask, or until I really get to know who I'm dealing with. I said I only did this when I was much younger in my very early 20's, than I stopped.

I never tell my dates I was from a bad neighborhood. They kind of figure that out when you have to eventually tell them that everybody on the block you grew up with got a felon, or got strung out on drugs. You try to tell them the fun you had growing up with them as children. Then when they ask what happened to them. It's like um, um, they got locked up and we don't speak too tough anymore. Then you try to talk about you college buddies, the only one's that have a normal life, who are the ones that don't get but so jealous of your success. When you do this, you have to be careful about telling them about you dating life, because those are the years when your dating life really began, and you don't want to bring those days into a new relationship. These conversations don't happen overnight. The come out in bits and peaces over a relationship. Then you realize after several months you don't know jack about where your date grew up. There had to be some fun times in their childhood, I don't care how rough the neighborhood was.

Now this isn't the case with all the sisters I've dated, but when it's somebody you really liked, it becomes something to remember.

they act as though you caught them with their hand in the cocky jar.

Cookie jar, not cocky jar. lol.

They like to talk in that, what they call, a becky voice these days.

Some actually refer to this as the becky whine. This term probably sounds even more white girl like.

 

[Kadijah]

This sounds more like yourself. Can't you have a conversation without judging a brother?

My bad. Bye. [/quote]

 

[Kadijah]

Oh, the "my bad" is for the author, not the troll.

 

[skuderjaymes]

..
Some actually refer to this as the becky whine. This term probably sounds even more white girl like.

yeah.. I know what you mean with this.. I usually describe it as "talking at the very edge of your voice".. it's barely vocalized speaking.. and when you combine it with that everythings-a-question inflection.. it drives me completely crazy.. like someone scratching a chalk board with their fingernails..

 

[MimiBelle]

This is something I seldom get to discuss, but I tend to have a lot of mixed feelings with sisters I date when it comes to discussing what kind of neighborhood I'm from. I thought it was something that would go away back in my early 20's, but it's still here today. It often feels like I get criticized for being too much from the hood, or I get slightly ridiculed for not being enough from the toughest hood. It's seems like almost every sister I've dated, this became an issue somewhat. When I was in my early 20's, I used to tell my dates I was from the hood (really we used the term ghetto back then) to show I was tough and I was able to protect her. But the sisters with a little education or the so-called classy sisters would look down on me in a way, but didn't want me to know it. Meanwhile, the sisters from the hood would some how make me feel like I wasn't hood enough, and therefore not qualified to protect them enough for me to feel like a man. I also experienced this same mind set with the sister from the hood with education. So I stopped sharing that information with dates until the topic came up. But the neighborhood that I had to spend my early childhood in was so rough that to this day, I seldom share that with my dates from the DMV area unless they ask me, or if the topic comes up early on, or if I really know who I"m dealing with. To be honest, I rather get that all out the way in the beginning, and at the same time find out what kind of neighborhood my date grew up in, instead of holding out and being surprised.

As I said, that issue is still here today when I date. It's seems like if I don't mention where I'm from, or if I don't mention that I'm from the hood, my date will find a reason to tell me that I am from the hood if I as little as say I know someone that use drugs, unless I tell her I lived side by side with white people all my life, or if I tell her I lived in Alaska somewhere. Then on the other hand, if I feel I need to tell a sister I am from the hood, she 'll tried to make me feel like I don't meet the so-called standards to qualify as being from the hood. I"m still trying to convince my self that it doesn't make a difference to who I'm dating where I'm from. I know my dates never tell me what kind of neighborhood they're from, which can be misleading. Most of the time, they wound up telling me they're from the projects or hood anyway, so why do they make it feel like a chess match? When they do that, then it feels like it does make a difference where they're from.

Again the bottom line is, it seems like you date one sister and she wants you to feel like you're too ghetto. Then you date the next sister and she wants you to feel like you're not ghetto enough. Then the next sister wants you to feel like you've being holding back on her about the details about how hood your neighborhood really was because you didn't mention it head on. It seems like regardless of how much education you have, these things still seem to toy with a relationship. Do anybody still go through this when getting to know a sister. What I don't understand is, why not just let a man feel like he's the protector. Now when I think back, a young brother telling a young sister he's from the ghetto, the hood, a rough neighborhood or whatever, but still respects her, has a job, has a good personality, and willing to protect her, should have never been a problem with these so-called classy women from the beginning, whom you come to find out have similar hood backgrounds as the guy, in some cases worst.

I know some of you may think I'm reading in to this a little too deep, but I'm beginning to believe that the problem with black love began somewhere back along these basis.

What do you mean by 'classy' in ref to these women? What makes them 'classy'?
Men seem to just throw words like that around. I don't use the word that liberally.
Maybe you should stop dating 'hood' females? I don't know. I don't really understand the problems that you're having. Is there more to this situation? You sure there's nothing else about you that's turning these women off?
Are you selling drugs? Are you an ex-con? Are you still 'hood'?
I'm just asking.

I understand women to be a certain kind of way. Your descriptions fly over my head...and this, as you've said, is something of a long-standing problem with EVERY female that you've attempted to date? I don't know what to make of that.

But, your issues are not indicative of the problems facing every black couple everywhere in America. Let's not get ridiculous with the conclusion jumping. *laugh* Although, I'm not surprised in the least that a 'black man' would cite a problem with 'the black woman' as the cause.
...because God knows if there's a damned problem going on - the black woman is the basis for it all.

I know some of you may think I'm reading in to this a little too deep, but I'm beginning to believe that the problem with black love began somewhere back along these basis.

Oh - I bet you are, honey! I just bet that you are....

Anyway, if these women don't have a degree, assets or money and a two-parent upbringing in a gated community? I don't understand why they're putting on airs. That makes no damned sense. I've met some females who put the 'B' in bougie. Solid middle-to-beyond background and they don't even behave like this. Makes no sense for a hood chick, too.
I never had an issue with a man's origins. Unless he's an ex-convict, I only care about what he's about in the present. My husband came from small beginnings. His brothers are 'statistics'.
I'm proud of him, actually. It's amazing to see someone rise so high from such a low starting point.