Black Relationships : Sharing my background with sisters

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by KPITRL, Sep 30, 2013.

  1. KPITRL

    KPITRL Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    May 7, 2013
    Messages:
    724
    Likes Received:
    308
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +384
    This is something I seldom get to discuss, but I tend to have a lot of mixed feelings with sisters I date when it comes to discussing what kind of neighborhood I'm from. I thought it was something that would go away back in my early 20's, but it's still here today. It often feels like I get criticized for being too much from the hood, or I get slightly ridiculed for not being enough from the toughest hood. It's seems like almost every sister I've dated, this became an issue somewhat. When I was in my early 20's, I used to tell my dates I was from the hood (really we used the term ghetto back then) to show I was tough and I was able to protect her. But the sisters with a little education or the so-called classy sisters would look down on me in a way, but didn't want me to know it. Meanwhile, the sisters from the hood would some how make me feel like I wasn't hood enough, and therefore not qualified to protect them enough for me to feel like a man. I also experienced this same mind set with the sister from the hood with education. So I stopped sharing that information with dates until the topic came up. But the neighborhood that I had to spend my early childhood in was so rough that to this day, I seldom share that with my dates from the DMV area unless they ask me, or if the topic comes up early on, or if I really know who I"m dealing with. To be honest, I rather get that all out the way in the beginning, and at the same time find out what kind of neighborhood my date grew up in, instead of holding out and being surprised.

    As I said, that issue is still here today when I date. It's seems like if I don't mention where I'm from, or if I don't mention that I'm from the hood, my date will find a reason to tell me that I am from the hood if I as little as say I know someone that use drugs, unless I tell her I lived side by side with white people all my life, or if I tell her I lived in Alaska somewhere. Then on the other hand, if I feel I need to tell a sister I am from the hood, she 'll tried to make me feel like I don't meet the so-called standards to qualify as being from the hood. I"m still trying to convince my self that it doesn't make a difference to who I'm dating where I'm from. I know my dates never tell me what kind of neighborhood they're from, which can be misleading. Most of the time, they wound up telling me they're from the projects or hood anyway, so why do they make it feel like a chess match? When they do that, then it feels like it does make a difference where they're from.

    Again the bottom line is, it seems like you date one sister and she wants you to feel like you're too ghetto. Then you date the next sister and she wants you to feel like you're not ghetto enough. Then the next sister wants you to feel like you've being holding back on her about the details about how hood your neighborhood really was because you didn't mention it head on. It seems like regardless of how much education you have, these things still seem to toy with a relationship. Do anybody still go through this when getting to know a sister. What I don't understand is, why not just let a man feel like he's the protector. Now when I think back, a young brother telling a young sister he's from the ghetto, the hood, a rough neighborhood or whatever, but still respects her, has a job, has a good personality, and willing to protect her, should have never been a problem with these so-called classy women from the beginning, whom you come to find out have similar hood backgrounds as the guy, in some cases worst.

    I know some of you may think I'm reading in to this a little too deep, but I'm beginning to believe that the problem with black love began somewhere back along these basis.
     
  2. I'm Becoming Me

    I'm Becoming Me Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2013
    Messages:
    1,538
    Likes Received:
    1,215
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Lover & Fighter...
    Ratings:
    +1,219
    The woman who deserves your time, attention, affection and love will not care about where you were raised or where you lived when all is said and done. The women you are dealing with sound very shallow and not worthy of much of your time if you ask me.

    I listen to so many women complaining about how they can't find a good man, but I'm starting to wonder if they are just sometimes asking and expecting too much out of men.
     
  3. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2013
    Messages:
    6,594
    Likes Received:
    2,895
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +3,325
    My brothers think women do expect too much; they say we, "want a ***** that don't exist, Superman!".:lol:



    But I agree with your post; a woman shouldn't place that much emphasis on where a brother is from, especially when he got it going on.
     
  4. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2013
    Messages:
    6,594
    Likes Received:
    2,895
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +3,325
    Along the basis of women not allowing men to feel like protectors?
     
  5. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2004
    Messages:
    32,019
    Likes Received:
    11,483
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    retired computer geek
    Location:
    north philly ghetto
    Ratings:
    +13,748
    :11100: it's not where you from, it's where you at……..
     
  6. info-moetry

    info-moetry STAFF STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2004
    Messages:
    10,724
    Likes Received:
    6,428
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    A+ technician
    Location:
    The rotten Apple
    Ratings:
    +6,486
    peace

    The only thing you can really do is 'keep it real'....:)
     
  7. Perfection

    Perfection Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2012
    Messages:
    1,464
    Likes Received:
    495
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +1,015
    i'm not saying you are, but it sounds like you're bitter because you may have had your eye on a certain "type" of Black Woman and she didn't respond to your offerings. but that doesn't concern me as much as the list you gave us about Black Women:

    1) It's seems like almost every sister I've dated

    2) But the sisters with a little education

    3) or the so-called classy sisters would look down on me in a way

    4) the sisters from the hood would some how make me feel like I wasn't hood enough

    5) I also experienced this same mind set with the sister from the hood with education

    6) unless I tell her I lived side by side with white people all my life

    7) if I feel I need to tell a sister I am from the hood, she 'll tried to make me feel like I don't meet the so-called standards to qualify as being from the hood

    8) Again the bottom line is, it seems like you date one sister and she wants you to feel like you're too ghetto

    9) Then the next sister wants you to feel like you've being holding back on her about the details about how hood your neighborhood really was because you didn't mention it head on


    do you see a pattern here?
     
  8. KPITRL

    KPITRL Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    May 7, 2013
    Messages:
    724
    Likes Received:
    308
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +384
    Yes, I think that's where I'm getting at. If he feels like his basic instinct of being her biggest protector can't be met, than he doesn't feel but so much like a provider, or a full man, regardless of how much money he makes.
     
  9. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2004
    Messages:
    32,019
    Likes Received:
    11,483
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    retired computer geek
    Location:
    north philly ghetto
    Ratings:
    +13,748
    i disagree. feeling like a 'full' man comes from inside.
     
  10. KPITRL

    KPITRL Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    May 7, 2013
    Messages:
    724
    Likes Received:
    308
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +384
    No I'm not bitter. I'm just acknowledging something that often confused me other the years, and I thought it would go away by now.
    As far as these certain type black women not responding to my offerings, I didn't think it was necessary to say that I'm including the ones that I did have a relationship with too. My primary focus was on the overall problem, not who said yes or no.

    You listed items 1 - 9. But I don't understand how that is setting a pattern. However:

    1) I actually almost said all sisters I've dated. I probably should have said many sisters I've dated, instead of most. Most of the sisters that didn't try to judge me where the ones who were from out of town. Now that I live in the South, I don't run into that as much, until recently, and she lived in the DMV area for a while, the area I'm from. That may have been the reason. I guess you're less likely to experience this with females who know little about the area you're from.

    2) Actually this included sisters with masters and law degrees from some of the best black and white colleges in the DMV. I said "a little education" because they shocked me by still making an issue of where a brother was from. I remember this one sister out of Howard University I had to dump, not solely because of the "what kind of neighborhood you're from reason", but it didn't do much for our already struggling relationship.

    Items 3-9 was just me continuing to keep it real. If it doesn't include you, it shouldn't offend you.
     
Loading...