Black Relationships : Sharing my background with sisters

KPITRL

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May 7, 2013
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This is something I seldom get to discuss, but I tend to have a lot of mixed feelings with sisters I date when it comes to discussing what kind of neighborhood I'm from. I thought it was something that would go away back in my early 20's, but it's still here today. It often feels like I get criticized for being too much from the hood, or I get slightly ridiculed for not being enough from the toughest hood. It's seems like almost every sister I've dated, this became an issue somewhat. When I was in my early 20's, I used to tell my dates I was from the hood (really we used the term ghetto back then) to show I was tough and I was able to protect her. But the sisters with a little education or the so-called classy sisters would look down on me in a way, but didn't want me to know it. Meanwhile, the sisters from the hood would some how make me feel like I wasn't hood enough, and therefore not qualified to protect them enough for me to feel like a man. I also experienced this same mind set with the sister from the hood with education. So I stopped sharing that information with dates until the topic came up. But the neighborhood that I had to spend my early childhood in was so rough that to this day, I seldom share that with my dates from the DMV area unless they ask me, or if the topic comes up early on, or if I really know who I"m dealing with. To be honest, I rather get that all out the way in the beginning, and at the same time find out what kind of neighborhood my date grew up in, instead of holding out and being surprised.

As I said, that issue is still here today when I date. It's seems like if I don't mention where I'm from, or if I don't mention that I'm from the hood, my date will find a reason to tell me that I am from the hood if I as little as say I know someone that use drugs, unless I tell her I lived side by side with white people all my life, or if I tell her I lived in Alaska somewhere. Then on the other hand, if I feel I need to tell a sister I am from the hood, she 'll tried to make me feel like I don't meet the so-called standards to qualify as being from the hood. I"m still trying to convince my self that it doesn't make a difference to who I'm dating where I'm from. I know my dates never tell me what kind of neighborhood they're from, which can be misleading. Most of the time, they wound up telling me they're from the projects or hood anyway, so why do they make it feel like a chess match? When they do that, then it feels like it does make a difference where they're from.

Again the bottom line is, it seems like you date one sister and she wants you to feel like you're too ghetto. Then you date the next sister and she wants you to feel like you're not ghetto enough. Then the next sister wants you to feel like you've being holding back on her about the details about how hood your neighborhood really was because you didn't mention it head on. It seems like regardless of how much education you have, these things still seem to toy with a relationship. Do anybody still go through this when getting to know a sister. What I don't understand is, why not just let a man feel like he's the protector. Now when I think back, a young brother telling a young sister he's from the ghetto, the hood, a rough neighborhood or whatever, but still respects her, has a job, has a good personality, and willing to protect her, should have never been a problem with these so-called classy women from the beginning, whom you come to find out have similar hood backgrounds as the guy, in some cases worst.

I know some of you may think I'm reading in to this a little too deep, but I'm beginning to believe that the problem with black love began somewhere back along these basis.
 
The woman who deserves your time, attention, affection and love will not care about where you were raised or where you lived when all is said and done. The women you are dealing with sound very shallow and not worthy of much of your time if you ask me.

I listen to so many women complaining about how they can't find a good man, but I'm starting to wonder if they are just sometimes asking and expecting too much out of men.
 
but I'm starting to wonder if they are just sometimes asking and expecting too much out of men.

My brothers think women do expect too much; they say we, "want a ***** that don't exist, Superman!".:lol:



But I agree with your post; a woman shouldn't place that much emphasis on where a brother is from, especially when he got it going on.
 

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