Black Relationships : BODY LANGUAGE - SISTERS AND THEIR SIGNALS...

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Isaiah, May 11, 2006.

  1. Isaiah

    Isaiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    We discuss a lot of methods and strategies to attack the "defenses" of women, as men at this board, so I thought I'd ask brothers how much they are into reading the BODY LANGUAGE of sisters, and the signals they send out when they are attracted to a man, and when they are not???

    I am no expert in this field, but a good little while ago I learned that there was a thing called non-verbal communication even when I couldn't spell either word... I learned it from ma and pa, by how they looked at me when they were annoyed with me, and when they were pleased with me. I learned, later, that little girls would avoid eye contact with me when they liked me, and still later, how they switched their hips a little stronger to attract male attention...

    30 years later, it is no different... I find myself still deciphering body language, particularly from women, who are the masters of the art... Ladies don't have the perogative of making aggressive verbal moves on men, so they've learned how to get our attention with movement, with touch and feel, and using all their other senses, attract a man's attention... Much like a Blind person learns to use their other senses to a very sharpened acuity, so, too, do women use theirs... I feel that this is one area that we've overlooked in our discussions, because it is so hard to "verbalize" it... How do you verbalize an unspoken language???(smile!)

    Problem is, if a man does not have basic understanding of this language, he is in a world of trouble when it comes to "figuring out" women... He is in a world of trouble trying to figure them out when he knows a little something about it, so just imagine not knowing anything about it??? On a personal level, the task of deciphering women's codes is far clearer than it was when I was a child, but there are instances when I wonder what in the hell is she up to??? Why'd she do that??? And then I thank GOD I don't know it all, because being a little confused is a good thing, because it makes you think...(smile!) I had such an event today, and it stayed on my mind so strong that I had to write this post(smile!) Of course, I figured it out because I am no "genius..." I just simply gave up trying to figure out what sister was doing when I realized that she had accomplished all she wanted me to do, and that was THINK - about her, of course... (smile!)

    What are some of you guys thoughts on this topic... I'd greatly love to hear some of your war stories and personal histories regarding BODY LANGUAGE events...



    Peace!
    Isaiah
     
  2. SAMURAI36

    SAMURAI36 Banned MEMBER

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    I would like to learn more about this....

    In my (under)experience, I've been told that women that I thought were interested in me, actually weren't, and those that I thought hated my guts, were really into me.

    I would love to know the mystery behind this.

    I am a humble student, to all who have knowledge.

    PEACE
     
  3. oldiesman

    oldiesman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    body language...

    ha,who can figure women out?in my humble experience i've noticed that sometimes a woman will stand close to you or keep a conversation going when you might be outta things to say or give you that longing look that ask [are you interested or what]the ladies know how to send out the signals even when we don't know when to pick em up.
     
  4. Isaiah

    Isaiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Brother Sam, gotta tell you that it's situational, these events, and attempts to generalize them are not a good idea... I remember reading Julius Fast's book, entitled BODY LANGUAGE, many, many years ago, and he spoke of BODY LANGUAGE in tems of clusters of movements in various social situations... But he generalized certain movements like, for example, the crossing of the legs TOWARD another person to lock them into a convo, and those facing the other direction would effectively be locked out... He spoke of the opened and closed positon of the arms and the legs as symbolic of a mind opened or closed to approach and conversation... He spoke of the outstretched arms, in their context, as meaning sincerity or frustration...

    With women, I have found that their eyes tell major stories, and women know that, which is why they will do whatever it take to avert their eyes from the gaze of a man... Eye Contact and a smile, I have personally found, opens the door to approach, though they may not guarantee the result one might want - unless a little conversation is all one wants... That aint bad either, because a little leads to a lot sometimes... I have found the whole thing about clusters to be true, as well, because if woman has looked at a man, and seen what she likes, she will send signals for him to approach... Part of that cluster can mean that she literally turns her back on you, and waits for you to do what a man is "supposed" to do...

    Sam, yes, sisters have cursed me out, rolled over my foot with heavy carts, actually stepped on my foot with thier heels, and when I was a kid(like 12 years old)a young sister in my class grabbed my knit cap, and threw it down the hall, and laughed(smile!) Now, as a hothead kid, I wanted to do her bodily harm, but since she was a girl, I went and tried to pick up my hat...but she beat me to the punch, and ran off with my hat again... And sister was pretty fast... So when I caught up to her, I literally was hugging the sister trying to retrieve that hat as she held it away from me... The touch, the feel of her heaving chest, out of breath, then the eye contact...wow, the light bulb came on in me, and I didn't really care about my hat in anymore... Her smile caused me to smile, almost chemically... I think THAT incident was my first lesson in the way females use body language, and alternative means to attract a male...

    Sam, part of communication with women is in knowing how to read the unspoken stuff... It informs you on how fast or slow you can move, whether she's feeling a level of affection for you or not... I mean, if she walks pretty close to you, or aggressively/assertively touches you, or isn't offended by an accidental touching of her person... That means she may be comfortable with you, at ease in your presence... All that having been said, the eyes say a lot to, and about, women... Those are the windows of our souls... Pay close attention, and you cannot lose in terms of understanding whom you're dealing with...my humble philosoph...



    Peace!
    Isaiah
     
  5. IfUComeSoftly

    IfUComeSoftly Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I speak to a lot of people on a daily basis... Hey I'm southern... It's just what we do... BUT.... I rarely look a man in the eye for more than a spilt second if I want to just go on about my merry little way. So I'm with you on eye contact (prolonged) or many quick glances and a smile goes a long way. I would also argue that when a woman is attracted to a man she will find reasons/excuses to touch him;reapeated touching can only mean one thing--attraction... that's if they are already engaging in dialogue. she's ask open ended questions that require more than a yes/no response... if the answers are cut and dry she'll hang about during that ackward moment of silence cause she doesn't want to leave but doesn't really know what to say.... if she' on the opposite side of the room she'll move close enough to you so that she can easily see you and you see her... if there is a place where she has the advantage she will choose that spot first... i forgot we were talking about body language... lol... okay... fidgeting is a sign of attraction... well with me... after i get that first glance or feeling that i may want to explore something with said man then i try hard not to look at him.... which is the same thing i do when i am not attracted to a man... however... if i'm not attracted i'll try to get as far as i can if he thinks i'm attracted to him... i hate the ackwardness of saying, "no thank you."...

    i know it's very confusing... if i think about it it's confusing... i would say that i'm a people person... some say i'm a flirt... rule of thumb with me... unless i really know him... i'm not laughing and giggling with a dude off top that i'm not familiar with... he's just cool... now the dude i'm attracted to... i prolly wont' say hardly anything to him... backasswards i am...

    now i'm wondering do men have body language... i don't know about men using subtle hints... like yesterday i was out to lunch with a friend and the manager of the establishment kept trying to get my attention... lol.. i almost died laughing... i kept looking up and he was looking at me... i dont' care what direction i faced... lol... now if that's subtle knock me over with a feather stick... lol
     
  6. Isaiah

    Isaiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    LOL Softly, that was funny!

    I guess we men aren't as sublte as ladies, because we don't have to be, but if you see a brother fixing his pants up around the waist, gettin' that shirt tucked just so, or brushing that beard or mustache, that might mean he's sizing you up for the approach, ya know... That's kinda our little nervous ways to buy some time to think of something poetic to say... Maybe, I might sniff, and run my finger across my nose or mouth - ususally when I'm salivating after some fine sister(smile!)

    But that eye contact is a mug... It's the ultimate body language... It's so powerful it's enough to knock you to your knees if you aren't careful... Whew, it just says to much about Mutual ATTRACTION, and the personality of an individual who looks boldly into the camera, so to speak... It says you got a lotta woman on your hands, man! Mama don't take no mess, and all she wants to do is ROCK!LOL! Naw, I just made that up, but if you believe it I got a island I'd like to sell ya...(smile!)


    Peace!
    Isaiah
     
  7. I-khan

    I-khan Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I know it was not directed at me,but this helps explain the current situation I am in right now with a certain woman,thank you SOO much.
     
  8. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    my .02....

    I agree, looking into a persons eyes doesn't necessarily equate an attraction. I hardly look anyone in the eyes, and if I do, It's because my eyes happened to land in your direction. I don't do a lot of talking in public, so avoiding eye contact is a must sometimes. If I comment on how nice your ride is, It means that, nothing more nothing less. If I want to flirt, I'll do it directly. To each her own:kiss:
     
  9. Omowale Jabali

    Omowale Jabali The Cosmic Journeyman PREMIUM MEMBER

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    While it is true that "looking into a person's eyes doesn't necessarily equate and attraction" from my experience since a lot of women avoid looking directly into a brother's eyes many times because they are sizing him up other ways or walking with their head down avoiding contact i have found that the women who were most interested in me had a way of looking directly at me and as I have gotten older this has become my "first line" of contact. What I also have found is that several women who I have been intimate with the first compliment to me had something to do with MY eyes...

    From the women I have met so far in texas one basic difference from the woemn in cali is that "flirting" is a major part of the culture and these texas woemn have a way of looking at a brother with a smile that i cant explain. and its not "fake" as some have suggested...

    when i was younger i was kinda shy and used to hardly look at folks directly eye-to-eye but my parents got me to change that. so much to the point that i had white teachers and supervisors later in life that would view me as having an attitude because i would look at them squarely whenever they spoke to me...

    i have come to view other forms of body language at times to be rather confusing as women at times have given me mixed signals and im still a little slow in figuring things out....

    but its something about that eye contact that rocks my world!

    now there is something known as the "closed stance" and the "open stance"...just like in golf...sometimes i will adjust my body positioning to test a woman and have found that if my body position was "open" when we started speaking up close and and I changed to a "closed" position, if she responds accordingly, then even if ther is some mutual attraction its not "magnetic"...however....if I closed my position and a women got closer to the point of getting me to "open up' that was a definite sign that she is interested, even if i might not be attracted to her physically.....but if she is still engaging me in discussion it also means there is something about her that is holding my attention and ironically, these are the encounters which usually lead to some type of furutre relationship, even if it is just a friendship...because we make some kind of intellectual or spiritual connection...

    this leads me back to the other forum about "approaching women"...in which i stated i do not approach women but put myself in situations where they approach me....let me just say that was a general statement and there obviously are exceptions to the rule...for me it takes more than "a big butt and a smile"...for me the eyes truly are the way to the soul...a lot of women have walked passed me and literally put their behinds in my face and i let them go by without a second look....but even more have gotten my attention when walking by and turning and giving me that special look...( i mean really...especially these days i spend so much time at the gym that i have learned to use some visual restraint...)lol!
     
  10. Isaiah

    Isaiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Brother Omowale, this is truly an excellent post!

    And it reinforced what I was TRYING to convey... In fact, it cut right to the core of it... Particularly your opening remarks to our sister Spicy Brownskin(smile!) If that Eye Contact aint no biggie, then why would a woman - even a little girl - avoid it so tough??? Right On THE MONEY! And I loved it, because here we have some more of that old female misdirection piece, but we aint 17 no more... We 30 years older, and have enuff experience to have proven what we say by our experience!LOL! Right on point, bruh!

    And, yes, that eye contact - prolonged, as it were - is a very potent indicator of attractionto both parties ... It is indisputably something people in all societies regard as a no-no if they don't want to get caught up... It's a human thing, not a black females-excluded pieceLOL! So don't go there, sister Spicy Brown(smile!)

    Also, O, your points about the Open/Close attraction/magnetism aspect of conversing with women, and even men, is a powerful observation on your part... In fact, humans communicate in Body Language in ways that are so purely unconscious that when it is verbalized, folk really don't understand what is being said unless they are truly conscious that such a thing exists... This discussion is getting interesting, and I'm all ears to folks conscious experiences with this... It happens all too often in our world for us to be denying it's existence... Y'all ever hear of a COLD SHOULDER, an EVIL EYE, a TIGHT JAW, the LOOK OF LOVE??? What do these things mean???


    Peace!
    Isaiah
     
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