- May 7, 2013
- 699
- 303
one love
khasm
she is a he...but i can see how u would get confused...lol
Say what? If that's the case, then the brother is on his own.
one love
khasm
she is a he...but i can see how u would get confused...lol
I had a long reply, but I decided to cut it short.
Who brings it up first should be irrelevant when you think about it. That's what makes it feel like a chess game. Whoever you're sleeping with is going to want to know sooner or later.
Maybe your questions can be better answered by the ones who make too big a deal out of where a brother grew up than where he is, and where he's going.
I never had any problem getting any dates because of where I'm from, and I never meant to indicate that. Almost everybody in my generation was either born in the inner-city or some poor part of the South. So I don't let that hold me back. It's just that it can sometime make a relationship a little complicated when your lady is holding back, but want you to volunteer all your information about where you grew up.
First off, you didn't answer the most pertinent question in my post, namely, what do you expect them to say, want them to say, would please you MOST if they said it, when you give the neighborhood of your childhood? That's what all this seems to hinge on, your angst at NOT hearing what you want to hear.
At any rate, darn near EVERY black adult today was born either in the inner-city or some poor area of the South. It is only with the last generation that blacks in any significant numbers obtained college degrees and/or were born outside the ghetto or "some poor area of the South." In other words, you're no exception..... which is why I was baffled at some woman looking at you sideways because of where you were raised when, more than likely, she was raised in the same type environment.
Which bring us to the "holding back" part while wanting you to volunteer info about YOUR background. One thing that happens to me (a lot!) is that people volunteer info about themselves.... out of the blue! There's no leading up to the information, just "here I am-this is me!" For ex., a g/f and I were coming home from a good time clubbing and a couple blocks from her house (I was driving), she... out of the blue!.... said, "I was molested as a child." How was I supposed to come back at that? I was dumbfounded that she would just, suddenly, volunteer that info, and upset because I knew she wanted to talk about it.... but not ME! My head was swimming at this unexpected news. At another time I'd have been happy to be supportive of her, but she caught me completely off-guard. So I said nothing.
I'm a widow. I've had guys "volunteer" sexual info about their relationships, early on, and without prompting, and expecting me to share all the salacious details of sex with my husband. Since he wasn't weird or unsatisfying beneath the sheets, and I wasn't working out any problems, I considered it to be none of their business. Or, as they say: "you don't know me like that!" I wasn't carrying any excess baggage from my marital bed and saw no reason to drag it into a new relationship. Especially when we have not AGREED that we're in the "I'll tell you my secrets, you tell me yours," stage.
Since I work at home and they never see me go OUT to work, nosy neighbors want to know 'where I get my money from.' One elderly guy who lives on the next block stopped me while I blowing leaves from my yard. He was pleasant enough, but then he told me, "I get my money from Social Security." Then smiled expectantly. What the....!? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
In short, you may be jumping the gun with volunteering info about the neighborhood of your youth. Or, not "leading up" to this info. If you feel a person out, give SOME preamble to what you're about to talk about, and that you want reciprocal information, you'll prolly get a better response. As in, "I don't want to talk about that now." In which case, you keep your info to yourself! It is neither requested nor wanted.... at least, not at this time.
Btw, sleep with him or not, I've never asked any man about the neighborhood he was born and/or raised in. Perhaps because I have a 'sympathetic' face, and sooner or later they WILL tell me. And if not, I can always figure out a person's "neighborhood" through how they talk, dress, go about achieving their goals.... if they have any.
Like I said - I'm proud of what I've made of my life with the cards fate dealt me at birth. As are, I might add, ALL my siblings, who like myself, put their OWN selves through college and are now respected members of their professional communities. Any man who would think he could "look down" on me because of a situation "out of my control," would never even make it to my bed. I like my men with a little substance, and attempting (aint' happenin' with this sista! ) to belittle me for my "parents'" choice of living arrangements would make me, well, laugh in their pathetic little faces. Plus, kick them to the curb.
anything besides nothing. I mean a lot of educated women these day don't even like talking black, which doesn't automatically, meanwhat do you expect them to say, want them to say, would please you MOST if they said it, when you give the neighborhood of your childhood?
This sounds more like yourself. Can't you have a conversation without judging a brother?That's what all this seems to hinge on, your angst at NOT hearing what you want to hear.
One thing that happens to me (a lot!) is that people volunteer info about themselves....
I knew you were going to go there. Speaking of hearing only what you want to hear, I already pointed it out in my original post that I seldom share with any dates to this day where I was actually raised, unless they ask, or until I really get to know who I'm dealing with. I said I only did this when I was much younger in my very early 20's, than I stopped.In short, you may be jumping the gun with volunteering info about the neighborhood of your youth