Black Relationships : WHEN WILL SISTAS FINALLY BE TURNED OFF BY THUGS

[jamesfrmphilly]

it's not what you do, it's the way that you do it.
i have enjoyed sexual freedom throughout my life with out harm or dysfunction.
we had a group of people in Philadelphia who were both pro black and nationalistic and sexually open and free.
so i know from my experience that sex in and of itself is not the bugbear that some think it is.
please don't demonize sex.
the people who i hung with lived strong family lives and made significant contributions to the black community.
as have i.
free sex is not the problem.
irresponsible sex may be.

Please do elaborate more. When you say careful training of both sexes. Do you mean careful as in ways to protect ones self from diseases?

i meant better education in values, morals, self knowledge, history and so forth.
i don't have the answer.
i am not a professional.

i see this (the elevation of the thug) as a problem.
it may be part of what seems to be a movement (supported by some blacks) to get black youth to think of prison as some sort of "fun" playground experience.
here we have the youth looking at the criminal as a role model rather then looking at the intellectual. or the nationalist.
we must find a way to reverse this.

 

[jamesfrmphilly]

Please do elaborate more. When you say careful training of both sexes. Do you mean careful as in ways to protect ones self from diseases?

i meant better education in values, morals, self knowledge, history and so forth.
i don't have the answer.
i am not a professional.

i see this (the elevation of the thug) as a problem.
it may be part of what seems to be a movement (supported by some blacks) to get black youth to think of prison as some sort of "fun" playground experience.
here we have the youth looking at the criminal as a role model rather then looking at the intellectual. or the nationalist.
we must find a way to reverse this.

 

[PurpleMoons]

Hmmmm! Never even considered It that way Brother James. I'll reflect on that a little more. Plus, I would like to add that you don't have to be a professional to have a solution Brother. Just a thought of possibilties. Who knows, somewhere inside, you may have the answer waiting to surface.

Thank you!

 

[Isaiah]

I've said this repeatedly over the years brother Isaiah, and have been called every name in the book because of it. However it is the truth (I challenge anyone to disprove it), and I will stick with it.

Pan, without being redundant, I must say that sisters have to understand that as men make choices, so too do they... As men pretty much know upfront what type of woman they are running after, so too do women understand what kind of man they're seeing, dating, sleepin' with...

After all, I've always been told that women's intuition is much stronger than a man's... Though that's debateable, I trust that women are far more attuned to their feelings than men... You mean to tell me that these sisters don't know they've got an abuser, a thug, a crimminal mind they're dealing with from jump???? Hey, awight(smile!)

Peace!
Isaiah

 

[Sun Ship]

The damage is deep

I presented a solution to the way African Americans perceive relationships a few months ago, in the African Selection Process:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I believe the selection process among African Americans is poor, and our relationships suffer as a result. Immediate gratification is a large part of American (European) culture, and African Americans have adopted this mentality to our detriment. Immediate gratification is evident in the careers we choose and the investments we make. However the most damaging example of immediate gratification within our communtity, is the criteria many of us choose to selection of mates. Many in our community are selecting mates based on superficial aspects (money, clothes, etc), instead of quality of character. It is common in our community to ignore/overlook the family background & personal history of potential mates, as if this information is not vitale to determining whether to be with someone.

When people turn away from the culture of their ancestors, it leads to destructive/detrimental behavior. The African American communty & the state of the black family is a classic example of this. We come from a land, where family was the most important aspect of life. We currently live in a land where family is not considered to be important. The two can not mix, and as we adopt more European view on family & relationships...the disturbing numbers which plague our community (60% divorce rate, 70% of children born out of wedlock, etc) will continue to increase. The only was to reverse this downward trend is to return to the culture of our ancestors. Specifically we need to adopt an African Selection Process:

There are many subtle differences between wedding ceremonies and traditions between the various African countries and cultures. One universal theme however, that one will find in most African wedding traditions is the total inclusion of family. Africans in general believe that a marriage is the joining of two families not just two individuals. It is essential that the two families know and respect each other. Most importantly it is important that the families have love for one another, if the married couple is to have a healthy and lasting relationship.

This is evident in Ghana, where across ethnic groups, people screen their potential partners and their families for any undesirable traits (contagious diseases, criminal backgrounds, common religious background, violent behavior, etc). Family interaction is an important part of the marriage process and both bride and groom will be checked out to see if they are respectable people.

This is apparent in Sierra Leone, where girls (usually between the ages of 12 and 18) attend schools to learn the art of being a wife. At these schools they learn secret codes to help them communicate with other married women, in order to ask advice about marriage. Before a wedding takes place among the Mande the elders of the village assemble with the bride to offer advice and bring gifts.

This is obvious in Nigeria, where the family of the groom goes to the house of the bride to ask for her hand in marriage. Out of respect for the brides family, the family of the groom usually kneels when the enter into the house. The two families then go to opposite sides of the room, while the bride and groom go to the center (accompanied by a representative from both families). The representative from the groom’s family then presents gifts and a proposal letter to the bride’s family, which is responded to immediately. If the bride’s family accepts, then both families pray for a fruitful and happy marriage and the feast together.

If an African selection process is adopted in our community. There wouldn't be any baby momma/daddy drama. Men in Africa view children as a treasure (a gift from God). An African man who takes care of his child is an expectation, not an exception. Also women in African are trained to value respectful/hardworking men, not pimp/playa types. Africans are trained about what to expect in relationship, and receive counsel when problems arise (they aren't encouraged to divorce at the 1st sign of trouble)! These unions are developed for longevity, not instant gratification! Our future lies with returning to our roots!
_____________________________________________

The majority of the responses I received seemed to indicate a belief that this wasn't realistic. We have to recognize that today's family is abnormal before we can begin to change. Until this happens the genocidal numbers of black children being born into broken homes will continue to increase!

I have perused some of the post and I apologize if I didn’t read every word of every post, for my time is sort of jacked-up right now, but I also hope, nothing I have to post would be overly redundant.

First of all, Brother panafrica you are always on time with examples of and details revealing the more constructive values and social underpinnings of a functional African society, even though sometimes generalizing about the collective African mores and adherence to customs and culture can somewhat be misleading about what Africans do in the modern African society. The only reason I say this is because I have known sisters to pick African men as mates, based on simply yearning for a “true” African –centered Black man and used more cultural romanticism, rather than present-day social insight about the African man's reality; many times these sister ended up with abusive, euro-centric and spiritually detached men, rather than an African brother who was living up to the cultural core values you so eloquently described.

I think the values that are imbued in the best of African culture or men, are present among the best of African American men, based on OUR ON African American cultural values and was once the norm, as it was once in Africa (as you most intelligently explained).

I would like to introduce another cultural phenomenon that is sometimes overlooked. If you study American cinema of the last 60 years, the idea of the swashbuckling, distant and removed hero who saw women as the weaker, dumber and bothersome sex, was the norm. I remember how the hero would smack the hysterical woman and then they would kiss. She would imply in some movies, “I hate you” (to the male) and then he would manhandle her and then they would have rough and passionate sex. Sometimes these scenes were just short of abuse or rape. The hero usually had one foot in the socially accepted world and the other in the underworld or socially unaccepted world.

We are living out the modern mythology of our times, we can’t just diffuse this “thug phenomenon” with just the reintroduction of African cultural norms and mores, but this is in the realm of deep subconscious behavior and subliminal imagery. African Americans have always had an interesting relationship with modern American culture, from how we are perceived by it and how we internalize it.

Peace,

Brother Sun Ship