Black Relationships : Please help, ADVICE?!

[truetothecause]

Im sorry i was just typing away as the answers i wanted answered..

how will i know i have it? i cant really answer that because i dont know
Steps to get it? I guessi the steps im taking now, like i said i just have some many misunderstandings and i need to understand those questions that i asked in my mind

OK...thanks for asking and thanks for sharing!

I can certainly see and appreciate your journey yet it may be important to answer that second question for yourself as you continue on.
I've heard it said: "if you don't know where your going, your sure to get there".

You don't know where your going so you won't know when you have arrived.
Seems you have answered most of your own questions and maybe you don't see it now....cause you have not defined your destination..or taken full ownership of it.

You say "better" would be "moving on"...Ok..."moving on" from what to where is where you may want to focus on some. Those answers may help you understand the cards you are currently holding and will provide some clues of which way you want to go next.


M.E.

 

[jamesfrmphilly]

it is what it is......you been played

i need to understand those questions that i asked in my mind

i have answered every question that you have posed. you do not care to accept the answers.
apparently you want it to be something that it is not.

that is the source of your confusion.

 

[Kemetstry]

Peace and Blessings Family,

Those of you who are discouraging this Sister, suggesting that no one (here) can help her ... are as wrong as wrong can be.

You should simply say ... that you can't help her ... but you are not in a position to know, that no one can help her.

I said early on in this thread, that i probably could not help her ... so i bowed out ... making room for those who could.

As telling as her behavior is, i think it is also telling, for those who claim to have no answer for her ... to continue engaging in it with her. There's some kind of self-incriminating actions there, for lack of a better phrase. Behavior that those engaging in it, are overlooking, choosing rather to focus on her behavior ... when all of it is on the table, for everyone to see.

Anyway ... i think that it is very beautiful that she feels comfortable enough to share here. I don't think a person could fake this type of energy. I just see no reason why anyone would. If a person had the wherewithal to fake such a thing, so consistently ... it seems to me that their intellect would be far beyond spending their time doing such as this ... but i aint no expert or nuth'n.

Yes ... i think it's beautiful that Sister LovedinFlorida feels comfortable enough to share herself in this way. I'd imagine that she is not the only Sister making choices like this, not aware of how to make better ones, don't really have anyone to talk to, feels good to be able to come to a place and put her burdens on the table ... take the weight off of their own selves ... just a little bit ... that's a blessing Family.

We are the Black Online Hospital ... specializing in healing Sisters and Brothers ... i'm not just the president, i'm a client!

Sister LovedinFlorida ... all i can say Sweetie ... is you must learn to love yourself ... and then ... what others do, won't make any difference to you ... not for real.

Much Much Love and Peace.



Destee

In that she doesnt seem to be willing to help herself, please explain how we are wrong?????

 

[Kemetstry]

Thank you Kemestry for all of the advice you have given to me, again i really dont have many to talk to so this has been my outlet. thank u.

you said "you agree the situation i described is a lot more than that"

but like you said hes not the bf nor is she the gf, so that makes them friends w benefits, he actually kind of got upset at me for even saying that about there situation. saying that most men would love what he had with her even though they werent together. he said he CANT be with her cause he has too much to focus on, and he cant focus on her like a relationship should be. and that yeah she supports his dream and stuff, and is a good women who opened his heart. and thats when i was like shes a friend with benefit because they arent together, thats when he told me tog go ask somebody what a friend with benefit really meant.

lol. so thats hwy im asking yall

He's in denial. Or trying to give himself an out. If I am doing you exclusively, I can call it whatever, but essentially, you are my g/f

 

[YungMiss]

First thing I have to say is WOW...this whole ordeal is just so deep.. even I need to take a breath after reading this.

There are so many things I wish to say to you but im just going to talk about some of what I see.

First, I want to ask you if you know what love is? Sex is not love nor is sex just sex. It appears to me that your attatchment to him formed during your sexual relationship with him. When you have sex with someone there are chemicals that are released that make you feel good and give you a sense of bonding. The amount of chemicals released can vary from person to person. These chemicals can make you beleive that you are in love. So I want you to be sure you know what love is and that you actually love him because it could have just been the sexual relationship.

Second I want to talk about your relationship with him. Think about how he treats you. Think about the incident when the other girl was outside and he told you to go back in the house so he could talk to her. That reminds me of when grown-ups are talking and they tell the kids to go in the house. He treated you like a child in that situation instead of treating you like a girlfriend. Is that the kind of relationship you want? He doesnt treat you as his equal at all. You might be happy that he gave you your title as girlfriend but this is a situation where action speaks louder then words. Just as he says that he loves you but does he show the love he claims to have for you?
Think about it..what actions does he do to show his love...and sex does not count.

You also mentioned that he wouldnt make you his girlfriend if he didnt want one but thats not completly true. There are many people who like to have a gf/or bf just to have one because they rather not go without. Im not saying that he is one of those people but there is a possibility that he is.

Also I think that he is confused himself about what he wants to do. So he is still trying to figure out himself but that is not fair to you. So dont sit around until he decides what woman he wants to have. Its clear that he is hurting you in the process. I also want to point out that just because he is with you doesnt mean he isnt thinking about her. Do you want this man just physicially or emotionally too?...because his heart is not soely with you...just his body.

In addition to the way he treats you..think about how he is treating her. Would you rather be in your position or her position? If you'd rather be in her position then you have to realize that you are not her...nor should you change to be her because you are beautiful the way you are..so maybe its time to let go. Think of all the emails he sends to her which you are not supposed to even know about. He is keeping secrets from you..and giving her the love that should only belong to you. Are you willing to share your man? Because that is whats going on. Its only a matter of time before his emotions towards her become physical. So do you want a relationship thats foundation was built on lies..secrets..and unsureness?

These are just some things to think about. I want you to re-read your story and pretend that you are not a character in this story. Instead I want you to pretend that all of this is happening to a friend...then ask yourself what would you tell her to do? Sometimes its easier to see things clearly when you dont include your personal emotions...but think about it in a third person perspective. Nevertheless this is just my opinion on the situation..Hope you find a solution that your heart can be happy with. If you have been trying to lie to yourself about being content...stop.. because your heart cant be fooled. Dont be in denial..open your eyes and close your heart..see things for the way they are...and not the way you want them to be.