Black Relationships : INPUT NEEDED - ONLY SEROUS REPLIES PLEASE!!

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Westcoastbound, Oct 28, 2011.

  1. Westcoastbound

    Westcoastbound Active Member MEMBER

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    First please dont judge me...im only human. I am a 40 year old black woman. I have not had sex in almost 10 years.(Not by choice). Just never met anyone that I wanted to lay down with...Not against casual sex or any thing...just in order for me to have it, the individual and I should be both attracted to one another.....Not gonna lie...Im 'FRUSTATED" to death..if u get my drift...Now some people might applaud me on the back for being celibate....but trust and believe...just never met anyone that I was willing to get with...Well anyway..I met a nice gentleman 6months ago. Did dinner/drinks the whole nine......Yes there was general foreplay in involved at first..kisses..you know the deal...I let him know that Im quite fond of him and really enjoy the friendship and the closeness. During about the 3rd month of dating...I decide I want to have sex with him...Im thinking he does too...but Im wrong...One night we talk about it at dinner as we are leaving...he says he going to come over and that he will meet me at my house...He never showed..His excuse(something he had to do next morning)..Disappoint ed to say the least...I mean **** 10 years....But I digress..I take it in stride...Then there was another date that I thought it would happen....BIG NOPE....(say something about having an interview the next day.....ARGH!!!! Disappointed again...This happened two more times....with him..y ou get the picture....Finally he says that just wants to keep it platonic....(The dreaded friend zone)....TRying not be selfish...but I shouldnt have to beg for sex...but you went you have went as long as I have...lets face it..I was ready for it...My question is...why is the one thing that I want to have so bad so unattainable.....nd if anyone knows the method to his madness....please explain...I dont get it.
     
  2. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I would say that he’s playing games…and you’re better off without him in your life. BUT I DON’T KNOW HIM…OR HIS CIRCUMSTANCE. I could say that MAYBE what he says is true…and he wants to keep it platonic. I KNOW. He took you on this joy ride…then kicked you out the car half way around the curve. HE WAS EVALUATING HIS OPTIONS…WANTING A FRIENDSHIP WITH BENEFITS…but saw you as someone who deserves better.

    THERE IS NO METHOD TO THIS MADNESS. Having no idea of the signals you’re putting out…the way you carry yourself…or the type of man he is…it would be hard for anyone to give you an educated response to your dilemma. My suggestion: once you find someone you like, who’s interested in you, make yourself available to his advances…and go from there.

    IT’S HARD TO IMAGINE ANY WOMAN WHO WANTS SEX having to go without it for ten years. every available man out there is looking to get laid, and you want to oblige that special one, and he hasn’t come around. THAT HAS TO BE A FRUSTRATING PLACE TO BE IN—for you. But, don’t give up. You’ve opened yourself to casual sex—in this day of HIV/AIDS—but the problem may be in the type of man you’re looking at. If sex is what you’re really interested in, maybe you should begin by looking at GOOD MEN. Not the “pretty boy,” or the “popular boy,” you know, the one everyone is trying to get. Check out that one who walks around alone…who doesn’t have the girls…who wants a serious relationship. YES…that one. They’re in every city you go to. Again, he may not be the best looking guy in the world but he may be the best man for you.

    I’m just saying….

    WELCOME to the playground. ENJOY your stay.
     
  3. Westcoastbound

    Westcoastbound Active Member MEMBER

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    Just know that I never pressured him for it...I always went off his vibe..... I was very hesitant when we first started hanging out....I really took my time and got to know him....I asked him was he seeing anyone and the reply I received was no..He even said that we would "get together" real soon....A lightbulb went off everytime he would make excuses not to have sex....I mean just because its been 10 years...I shouldnt have to beg for it....He doesnt know its been 10 years and besides all throughout the relationship he was given vibes that he wanted to .....I DONT GET IT.
     
  4. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    how old is he?
     
  5. Westcoastbound

    Westcoastbound Active Member MEMBER

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    We are both 40 yrs. old....Old enough for the silly games to come to an end.
     
  6. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    one possibility for his lack of follow-through is erectile disfunction. it usually starts--for some men--around that age...and he might be so insecure...so afraid of failing...that he don't want to risk embarassment. JUST ONE POSSIBILITY. another might be that he really isn't interested in you in that way...and just don't know how to tell you. AGAIN, these are only possibilities...and may have nothing to do with what's going on. without knowing his situation, i can only speculate as to why he's behaving so. next suggestion: ASK HIM WHAT'S GOING ON. he may just tell you what's on his mind.
     
  7. Westcoastbound

    Westcoastbound Active Member MEMBER

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    I tried asking him...and his response is yes he's atttracted and enjoys spending time but justs want to keep it platonic.....My only question is that if you wanted to keep it platonic from the jump..then why all the foreplay/sexual inuendo/etc....It's not funny and no one should be "messed with" like that.
     
  8. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    regardless of what transpired, accept his answer AND be happy that he didn't have sex with you first. apparently he wanted to...then changed his mind, for whatever reason. ONLY HE WOULD KNOW THAT REASON. let's hope that he's not HIV positive and, legally, cannot have sex with you without telling you of his condition. anyway, just LET IT GO. THERE ARE OTHERS out there.
     
  9. emanuel goodman

    emanuel goodman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It's a blessing yall didnt do the thang. Real talk most brothers just aint that deep when it comes to sex. Loose his numba quick and on to the next one. cuz it is most definantly sumthang to it.
     
  10. Westcoastbound

    Westcoastbound Active Member MEMBER

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    Really confused now....I would hate if I ran this man away because of me wanting to pursue relations with this man.....Maybe I I wouldnt have showed my hand, if he didnt show his....Do you think it was selfish of me to act on feeling of wanting to have relations............I mean seriously why all the foreplay, etc..if you are not going to through with it. Do you think i might be something wrong with him?
     
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