Black Relationships : I need an earful from ya'll!!!

[desireb16]

Aiight forum, this is my first post, so keep it real! I have been in and out of this relationship for the past 5 years, when things got bittersweet within the year. My mate and I had a blessing together (now 9mos.), but within the year, he confessed that he possibly now has 4 year-old son else where. It really doesn't matter to me if we were together or apart when the child was concieved because he's here regardless, but he has been there since day one, basically. The child's mother still has feelings for him (I can tell), but he says he only wants to be with me. The plot, however, thickens because he lives in Chicago, and I'm in Cali. Of course he wants us to move that way, but I think it would be a massive mistake. I don't want our child to not be in his father's daily life, but I'm not tryin to hear about this potential child of his either, or sell myself short on hopes for a future. He's only told me about this other child, which is why I'm not really sweatin it, but he'll only take another DNA test if the mother pays for it (one was already taken, but...). So forum, give me the best advice ever before I loose my mind. Should I just consider my child's life, or should I keep things "as is" and just move on? I still do love him, but things will never be the same with him. Please holla back!

 

[shaneak]

I say.. Consider your childs life and then yours...
Then right down a list of advantages for staying and for going
Then right down a list of disadvantages for staying and for going...

Then weigh out your options... The positives and negatives you are willing to deal with and what you're not... Cause it sounds like you need more time to think about this... 5 years is a long time... and then blessed with a blossom....
I pray that you may have many blessings and find the sunrays to move away those clouds... (the confusion)

 

[desireb16]

Thank you for your insight. I have wrote my pros and cons of this situation and I'm just trying to sort through them right now. You are right that I need more time to think about this, so I will. I appreciate your help!

 

[$$RICH$$]

indeed sounds like he's a good man
yet you must seek deeper within self and see what's best for you
and your child , after all he do have a nother woman in his life
you in cali he in chi-town yet a child was blessed unto you both
now i agree work out all the pros & cons and allow your heart
to feel whats real
if you go will it last in his home town
yet if you stay will he be loyal still unto you
i feel you need to remain home and let the matter handle self
if he really love you he will come for you this will let you know
somewhat how he feel
true love will reach but the game of love dems
GOOD LUCK with a mystery of love
and be very wise of the path you take...

 

[desireb16]

Thank you $$RICH$$! I do agree with your thoughts as well. I am trying to make the best decision for my child,which is why I really need to put myself before him, so he can have a mother in the right state of mind. My Ps&Cs list is helping me seeing things visually so these thoughts can stop running in my mind. I do not have any plans to move to the Chi (no where within the next 3 mos.), so I'll have plenty of time to consider all options! Thank you again :smile: