Black Relationships : Need advice.

Precise Allah

Well-Known Member
Jun 16, 2009
Atlanta Georgia
hello everyone,

My husband and I met in high school, we were together and then broke up and got back together, I got pregnant at 18 and he decided he wanted to always be around his child everyday and that we were going to be a family. We got married when our child turned 2. We have been married now for over a decade and I thought we were happy. We have had hiccups and honestly while we are great friends, I do feel that we are very different romantically but nothing our marriage can't fix to me. I found out he has been seeing a woman for 3 years. I have read some text messages to her and they are really really involved. He asks her opinion a lot about life matters, work matters, and from the looks of it, they started a secret business together! They even have a realtor to purchase property! My husband and I hardly have sex, and awhile ago in an argument he told me had checked out years ago but that to me is anger talking and we do have three beautiful children and he is such a great father! Ever so often, we do engage in physical intimacy and he still attends our family gatherings, outings with kids, family vacations, and even proclaims me on social media outlets knowing I love to share our relationship with our friends and family. He always makes it a point to post me on special occasions which to me always says "we are OK". I love to share this on my social media. He does all of these things which to me, I know this affair is temporary. He is very present!

My good friend tells me, he settled for me because of the children, he's obligated to me and if he has been with this woman for 3 years and counting, its not a fling but I just don't believe that! I guess here I am seeking any advice and if you think this 3-year relationship is real or not and how should I proceed. I do not want to ruffle any feathers because I do think this is temporary because of him being present and doesn’t miss a beat but it is very off-putting to know he is making money with this woman, she is in his personal life, I saw she helped him make multiple appointments, he goes to her for advice about everyday matters, he even shares things with her about our children! They are too intertwined to me but how intertwined could they be if he is still present with our family.

Just this past weekend, our oldest graduated and we are taking a "graduation vacation" until tomorrow he has really posted me this past weekend. I love when he does that. But when I looked into his phone, I saw that he made sure to see her before we left on our vacation. and he explained to her all of the activities we had planned this weekend with OUR family. He also told her he is excited to go because it is fun for our children. He told her he loved her and couldn't wait to be back from vacation to see her. I am so confused because he again has posted me all weekend, and it really makes my heart soar. What do you all think? I need all the advice and experience.

My suggestion is Marriage Counsel. People lie because they're scared of the truth or they're weaponizing it. Either way you will be the one caused much grief because of it.


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