Beauty is only skin deepjamesfrmphilly said:
But ugly goes to the bone
Beauty will fade away
But ugly will hold its own
riiiiight
Ain't having a cow, brotha. Just getting some perspective.
Brothas, Am I Right to Feel Insulted?
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But ugly goes to the bone
Beauty will fade away
But ugly will hold its own
riiiiight
Ain't having a cow, brotha. Just getting some perspective.
Peace Sister river
Every situation and every Black man is different. Use your female intuition, spiritual insight and wisdom, as well as your life experiences to scrutinize a brother before you judge.
Being in the arts, I know many Jazz musicians and serious visual artist that do not always have conventional money making livelihoods, i.e., “jobs”, and because of their chosen path sometimes have hard times; this doesn’t make these Black men unworthy of an intelligent Black woman, as a matter of fact, finding a woman who can see beyond their lack of finance, or lack of conformity, and can see these brothers genius and their worth to society has been usually a powerful addition to these brothers furthering their aspirations.
Look at the man, not the income. If Black men were to always look at a Black woman like an accountant, we would never marry a woman with children, or still in school, or below a certain income bracket. Though income seem to have great importance in this society, it is still a superficial barometer…Black women invest a lot of money on inorganic, non-living things that can’t love them, speak to them, or befriend them, and then become indifferent when it comes to the possibility of, 2 cent being invested on a real live human being.
I always tell sisters, “stop listening to your man-less friends” this usually makes them think twice, or just long enough to think for themselves…
Peace
Every situation and every Black man is different. Use your female intuition, spiritual insight and wisdom, as well as your life experiences to scrutinize a brother before you judge.
Being in the arts, I know many Jazz musicians and serious visual artist that do not always have conventional money making livelihoods, i.e., “jobs”, and because of their chosen path sometimes have hard times; this doesn’t make these Black men unworthy of an intelligent Black woman, as a matter of fact, finding a woman who can see beyond their lack of finance, or lack of conformity, and can see these brothers genius and their worth to society has been usually a powerful addition to these brothers furthering their aspirations.
Look at the man, not the income. If Black men were to always look at a Black woman like an accountant, we would never marry a woman with children, or still in school, or below a certain income bracket. Though income seem to have great importance in this society, it is still a superficial barometer…Black women invest a lot of money on inorganic, non-living things that can’t love them, speak to them, or befriend them, and then become indifferent when it comes to the possibility of, 2 cent being invested on a real live human being.
I always tell sisters, “stop listening to your man-less friends” this usually makes them think twice, or just long enough to think for themselves…
Peace
Love me some Sun Ship
I know that in my family sometimes my step father stayed home while my mother went to work. This was not strange to me. I realize during any length of time things happen and we have to roll with the punches. It's about a mindset. Is he going through somethings right now or does he have a mindet where he just doesn't want to do nothing.
It's a tough call in this town. Opportunities for Black men are so slim. I know of more than one Black woman here who is a widow today because her husband worked himself to death, If you're a Black man and not a preacher that's a possibility. I had a neighbor who had to borrow money from me for carfare to get to work because her job was not paying her enough for carfare and she had a husband too!
While the media emasculates our men if Black women assume financial responsibility for them wouldn't that just be like pouting kerosene on the fire? I mean there is a difference between being there to encourage someone towards success and just patting them on the head "poor baby can't do any better. Here let me do it for you." No I tell my man "Go get'm, tiger. Go sink your teeth into this life and be all that you were created to be." But I know that as a woman I can only bring out what is already there. I can not change a man into something he does not want to be.
Looooong time no see. How you been, brotha Sun ship? It is always a pleasure to see your name here.Sun Ship said:
I know that in my family sometimes my step father stayed home while my mother went to work. This was not strange to me. I realize during any length of time things happen and we have to roll with the punches. It's about a mindset. Is he going through somethings right now or does he have a mindet where he just doesn't want to do nothing.
It's a tough call in this town. Opportunities for Black men are so slim. I know of more than one Black woman here who is a widow today because her husband worked himself to death, If you're a Black man and not a preacher that's a possibility. I had a neighbor who had to borrow money from me for carfare to get to work because her job was not paying her enough for carfare and she had a husband too!
While the media emasculates our men if Black women assume financial responsibility for them wouldn't that just be like pouting kerosene on the fire? I mean there is a difference between being there to encourage someone towards success and just patting them on the head "poor baby can't do any better. Here let me do it for you." No I tell my man "Go get'm, tiger. Go sink your teeth into this life and be all that you were created to be." But I know that as a woman I can only bring out what is already there. I can not change a man into something he does not want to be.
and I love the river (smile)
Blessings Sister river,
First you have to know what the man is about, for if he has great value, it’s not about changing him (which cannot be done from the outside-in anyway, as you know). Like I said in another thread, a Black man's only value, or most of his self-esteem in a capitalistic system is wrapped up in his net worth, as in his income or benefits. This can get rather deep if we deconstruct patriarchalism and it’s relationship to capitalism.
Now, though it can get rather deep, it can be almost impossible to explain or oppose in today’s climate of stereotyping and demonizing brothers so quickly, for we are so engrained with certain notions about what is a “good” man and worthy man. People look at a man’s capital before they look at his character, and there is no use in trying to debate this, for it will only create confusion because of the useable psycho-cultural constructs we lean on in this modernist culture.
It’s good when a Sister stands-by-her-man so he can develop into something more than a mere laborer, it’s just sad that so many Sisters stand by the wrong man too many times, and those who may need a Sister to balance out their income while they are readdressing their career options are viewed in the same boat as these “playas or pimp-types” so many sisters are either attracted to, or have been messed over by.
Most Black men know the pressures of trying to hold up their self-respect around Black women when their “money is funny”, and that’s why most of them are not trying to be around a decent woman, or their family when they are having hard times. This has created a lot of absent fathers, and if we can stop lumping all Black men into the same worthless box for a second, we can see that Black men have a lot of pride about being worthy breadwinners, and anguish greatly if they have an inability to support their family.
The idea of men being breadwinners is relatively new, and is different than men having wealth in more communal, or agrarian and nomadic type societies. The idea of making men sole breadwinners, or the financial hub of the family was actually done to remove financial power from women, and make them more subservient, as in mere housewives, having very little, if anything to do with the development of wealth that supported the family. This is why women in those type of traditional settings usually became almost destitute when their husbands divorced them, or died, for they had no training, jobs, and many times no credentials or credit that were connected to their names. This objectification of women was presented to women as a gifted life-style at first. Now today with more women having their own independent sources of income and wealth, this is not the case, but still the concept of a man having substantial wealth, or a comparative income is still a social construct that dominates the partnering of even Black couples.
I think that the example you gave of your mother and stepfather was the exception that was once peculiar to many Black households, for we did not have marital arrangements that were structure like whites, though it wasn’t prefect or idealistic all the time, still Black people seemed have kept more of a balance view of the worth of both genders, and what they could contribute to the well-being of the family; I think this was a continuation of the agrarian cultures of Africa, during slavery, and that which continued after slavery.
The idea of a woman marrying down, again was somewhat foreign to our ancestors and elders... it's interesting how Black women have so embraced this term now days
Now today, if a white man stays at home, he is viewed with respect and endearment, as a “Mr. Mom” type of character, or he's applauded for seeing that his wife should have just as much a right to work outside of the home as he could, but if a Black man is at home, he is viewed merely as a jobless, no-good, negro with no one waiting for any explanations…LOL. He is automatically grouped with every worthless and lazy negro that ever lived, and quickly demoralized by friends and family alike…LOL.
But with all that said, you need to know what is going on with any brother on a level deeper than his employment or lack thereof. For there are many brothers bringing home a paycheck who still ain’t worth two dead flies, and this goes for Black women too!
Peace
river said:
Blessings Sister river,
First you have to know what the man is about, for if he has great value, it’s not about changing him (which cannot be done from the outside-in anyway, as you know). Like I said in another thread, a Black man's only value, or most of his self-esteem in a capitalistic system is wrapped up in his net worth, as in his income or benefits. This can get rather deep if we deconstruct patriarchalism and it’s relationship to capitalism.
Now, though it can get rather deep, it can be almost impossible to explain or oppose in today’s climate of stereotyping and demonizing brothers so quickly, for we are so engrained with certain notions about what is a “good” man and worthy man. People look at a man’s capital before they look at his character, and there is no use in trying to debate this, for it will only create confusion because of the useable psycho-cultural constructs we lean on in this modernist culture.
It’s good when a Sister stands-by-her-man so he can develop into something more than a mere laborer, it’s just sad that so many Sisters stand by the wrong man too many times, and those who may need a Sister to balance out their income while they are readdressing their career options are viewed in the same boat as these “playas or pimp-types” so many sisters are either attracted to, or have been messed over by.
Most Black men know the pressures of trying to hold up their self-respect around Black women when their “money is funny”, and that’s why most of them are not trying to be around a decent woman, or their family when they are having hard times. This has created a lot of absent fathers, and if we can stop lumping all Black men into the same worthless box for a second, we can see that Black men have a lot of pride about being worthy breadwinners, and anguish greatly if they have an inability to support their family.
The idea of men being breadwinners is relatively new, and is different than men having wealth in more communal, or agrarian and nomadic type societies. The idea of making men sole breadwinners, or the financial hub of the family was actually done to remove financial power from women, and make them more subservient, as in mere housewives, having very little, if anything to do with the development of wealth that supported the family. This is why women in those type of traditional settings usually became almost destitute when their husbands divorced them, or died, for they had no training, jobs, and many times no credentials or credit that were connected to their names. This objectification of women was presented to women as a gifted life-style at first. Now today with more women having their own independent sources of income and wealth, this is not the case, but still the concept of a man having substantial wealth, or a comparative income is still a social construct that dominates the partnering of even Black couples.
I think that the example you gave of your mother and stepfather was the exception that was once peculiar to many Black households, for we did not have marital arrangements that were structure like whites, though it wasn’t prefect or idealistic all the time, still Black people seemed have kept more of a balance view of the worth of both genders, and what they could contribute to the well-being of the family; I think this was a continuation of the agrarian cultures of Africa, during slavery, and that which continued after slavery.
The idea of a woman marrying down, again was somewhat foreign to our ancestors and elders... it's interesting how Black women have so embraced this term now days
Now today, if a white man stays at home, he is viewed with respect and endearment, as a “Mr. Mom” type of character, or he's applauded for seeing that his wife should have just as much a right to work outside of the home as he could, but if a Black man is at home, he is viewed merely as a jobless, no-good, negro with no one waiting for any explanations…LOL. He is automatically grouped with every worthless and lazy negro that ever lived, and quickly demoralized by friends and family alike…LOL.
But with all that said, you need to know what is going on with any brother on a level deeper than his employment or lack thereof. For there are many brothers bringing home a paycheck who still ain’t worth two dead flies, and this goes for Black women too!
Peace
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