Brothas, Am I Right to Feel Insulted?

Discussion in 'Black Men - Fathers - Brothers - Sons' started by river, Oct 23, 2007.

?

Would you try to start something with a woman when you don't have a job?

  1. Yes

    3 vote(s)
    50.0%
  2. No

    3 vote(s)
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  1. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Brothas, I know this is a question that sistas like to ask each other, but I wanted to get your perspective on this.

    The other day a brotha stepped to me. The man lives with his daughter and they don't have a phone. I assume he doesn't have a job either, but I didn't ask him all that. He had stepped to me once before and used the southern code words "Can I come see you" a la Mae West "Come up and see me some time." I declined as graciously as I always do, but as I walked away I suddenly felt kinda offended. This man is crashing on his daughhter, ain't got nothing and gonna step to me without an ounce of shame like I ain't nothing. Just step to me with any old kind of raggedy mess. I could not help feeling insulted.

    I know it's not easy for a brotha to find a job. But I remember when brotha Street was dealing with stuff he wasn't out there trying to talk to women. He was out there getting his game together. That's all I ask for. I don't need a man to be rich before I will talk to him. But at least be able to take care of himself. Because if he can't then he needs to be doing something to make his life better. I mean, if a man ain't about trying to make his own life better why should I think he's coming to make mine better? Have some respect for yourself. Have some respect for me. That's all I'm saying.
     
  2. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    :qqb013: There are lots of sisters out there with no jobs as well. Always has been. Are you saying that they have no right to a social life as well? :SuN026:
     
  3. Da Street So'ja

    Da Street So'ja Banned MEMBER

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    how you know what Street was doing?

    lol

    and how you know women weren't trying to holla and knew my situation

    ?

    hmmmmm

    to answer you question

    i can't tell you how to feel

    if you have your standard there's nothing wrong with that

    we ALL have a standard trust me whether it is good or bad

    if this guy is not what you're looking for because he's lazy then hey

    you have to live right?

    if you know he's trying to get it together that's different

    everybody needs love and companionship

    but your question is a good one

    does he have good intentions trying to build something

    or is he looking for a booty holla

    i say he's looking for the booty holla

    lol

    but i could be wrong

    i sure hope i'm wrong

    lol
     
  4. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Kemetstry I feel you man.

    River, if you feel like he does not meet your economic needs or desires then do not pursue him.
     
  5. Da Street So'ja

    Da Street So'ja Banned MEMBER

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    good

    point brethren
     
  6. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I'm just sayin

    Folx kill me getting their noses all outta joint over things. How quickly we forget when we werent doing so well
     
  7. mazimtaim

    mazimtaim Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Being insulted

    River, I am not sure how to answer you. I can only speak for myself. I guess you have to be the one who decides what you are looking for in a person. If you want to have a man who is educated, financially stable, etc., etc. You probably should entertain guys who are unemployed. But then you could run into guys who are full of themselves. Of course, some out of work brothas could be the same way. But then again, some people have truly good hearts, but they may not have had the same opportunities as some of us.

    I guess it depends on how you feel about the brotha and whether or not he appears to be a decent person. I can't really form an opinion, seeing that just a few years ago, I was unemployed for awhile.

    As for me, I can't go that way, because I am a bit old-fashioned. I could never approach a woman of "status" without being gainfully employed. Thanks be to God, I am now. But I wouldn't rule out a sister who didn't have a job.

    You all have enough problems between raising children, keeping jobs, running a home, etc.
     
  8. Sami_RaMaati

    Sami_RaMaati Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think your 3rd Eye saw something untoward about this person and expressed itself appropriately thru your emotions.

    IMO, a real man would first make sure he has something other than an empty stomach to bring to a woman's table.
     
  9. mrron

    mrron Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think the big clue in this scenario is that he "stepped to you". You didn't just happen to run into him, and apparently you didn't know him from adam. I can only speak for myself, if I were unemployed and living with my daughter or someone else, I would be "out of pride", and just couldn't build up the nerve to "step to" a woman.

    In my opinion, what you did should be the standard reaction for our sisters out there who are getting stuck with clinging and dependent men. Yes! it might be hard out there for some men to find work, but a man usually understands that he has to have something to "offer" a women. The women, if she is decent, as I am sure you are, has herself to offer a man, and that is quite a lot to offer.
     
  10. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Yes, it's about what's in the heart and where the intentions are. A sista who ain't trying to do nothing but lay up on a man is called a gold digger. A brotha with the same mindet is called a gigalo. I'm not talking about brothas who find themselves temporarity out of work but is doing everything in their power to get back on their feet and want the support of a sista. I don't have a problem with that.

    We motivate others with the same things that motivate us. I am not motivated with "Oh poor baby. There, there, you poor thing." So I don't motivate others by RSVPing to a pity party. I motivate by saying "ok this is where you are. Now what is your next move? Is there anything I can do or give you to help you make that move?"

    But a brotha who steps to me like "hey I got nothing and it don't matter if I'm trying to get nothing cuz u got what I've got on my mind right now and I don't need a job to do that." How can a self respecting man not feel too ashamed to come to a sista with that?

    How crazy! I got my windows media player on shuffle. When I first atarted reading this Johnny Taylor came on singing "Last Two Dollars." Right now McFadden and Whitehead are singing "Ain't No stopping Us Now." This kinda thing happens too often to be a coincidence.
     
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