Black Relationships : Would you have an affair with a married man or woman?

[Nita]

Panafrica

Wonderful response.

I myself was unsure how to address sister foxi without offending her, but sometimes you have to just put the truth out there and pray that your true intention, which is to help is understood and taken as just that and brother Pan you did it well. Thank you

Sister foxi,
I'm always troubled when I see our youth misguided and miseducated on life especially when they are so young and havn't even brushed the surface on LIFE yet. Several things you said took me back.

(foxi)
I would have an affair with a married man. He would be the one sinning not me.

(nita)
Why @ your age you think it's ok to mess with a married man I may never know. You are sinning too sister. Exodus 20:14 says thou shalt not commit adultery. If you read the 17th verse in that same chapter is says Thou shalt not covet (want what belongs to another) thy neighbour's house, wife, servants, on nor @ss, nor anything that is thy neighbour's.

For those that think neighbor is just the person next door to you, Webster's New Dictionary of The English Language defines neighbor as living or located near another, and FELLOWMAN.
Not only that foxi, premarital sex is a sin. I myself was guilty of it in my past and it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Please read Genesis chapter 34: 1-34.

(foxi)
I don't think marriage is good anyway because it's like you're lying to God.

(nita)
Proverbs 18:22 says
He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.

If God sees marriage as good, and gives me favor for being married, then it has to be something VERY good and not bad like you say. Just think of the blessing you are going to miss out on. Before all this stuff happened between my husband and I, we were so blessed. I can't tell you how many times God made a way for us, or how many gifts and blessings popped up outta no where. On top of our health and strength, children and family, we were given a new car, a new washing machine and dryer, and one day @ church we got a check that someone had asked to be given to us, from God only knows who for $500. My husband who lost both kidneys got a kidney. Our daughter and I almost died during birth, the nurses were asking me if I had anything I wanted to tell my family, the doctor was in a frenzy from all the blood that was pouring from my body but God stepped in. Blessings, that's what I want...give me favor anyday.

(foxi)
I had one step to me about 2 years ago. I was 15. He wanted to be my sugar daddy. He owned a grovery store and his wife was part owner. I didn't take him up but after I saw what he did for my friend I was like " dang, why didn't I do it when I had a chance?" (then I remembered why, his wife ended up taking the store and the kids) I know that it is very hurting to the family but you're not thinking about that when he whines and dines you with his check. You're worrying about yourself and only yourself. And that's the real deal. It's a risky deal because you never know how the wife will react but sometimes it good enough to take that chance.

(nita)
foxi...smh
If you know this may be hurting a family, why would you continue to do it???
The life and feelings of a human being is much more valuable than a Value meal, or for a steak @ the Sizzler...and a few dollars baby...smh
What benefit to this world are you if all you want to do is gain for yourself?

(foxi)
I will take a man for all he is worth because he is like you were saying "just trying to get in my drawz". I let a man know from the start what I'm about. If he's going to be using me then I might as well use him. It's just like that for me.

(nita)
Brother khasm pretty much covered the generalization of all men in one category. You can't assume all men are the same. That they are just out to play you because that's just not true. There are many good men out there.

Even if a man tries to use you two wrongs don't make anything right, aren't you worth more than some of his check and a dinner? Then I suggest you start expecting more.

Sister you are young, there is so much more to life that you think.
Peace

 

[kente417mojo]

I have to be real with you. You say, "that we are distroying something that two people who supposedly love each other are trying to build". Well, in most cases a man will approach a woman before a woman will approach him. There is a post here about this. Thus, I am not distroying anything. He chose to go outside of his marriage and be with me. He chose to put his pay check on a little tinder ronie. I mean, it's not like I would go up to a man and say, "Look, I want you and I don't care if you're married or not I'm going to get with you." I gave you a prime example of the incident when I was 15. Where the guy wanted to be my sugar daddy. That was his doing not mine's. And I will leave a man before I have to deal with drama from his lady. A bullet will never find my head. If I get one call from his wife saying, "Um, excuse me did you just call here?" I will be d@mn if I go word for word with her. I will just hang up and drop all relations with him and her. I don't have time for that drama. Life is too hard for the cracks. And as for a single man giving you what a married man can. I beg to differ. A single man will take you out to dinner sure enough but a married man will give you that and much more. He will and may be older than me so he will give me jewlry and candies, and he will take from his wife just to give to me. There is much difference between the two. A single man probably has plenty of people he's buying for. (i.e Thas why he's single). A married man has a wife and another woman. That's two women. He will probably take from one to give to the other. You don't have to worry about drama of watching your back with him because he will probably take you some place way away from his wife. If you are will a single guy. In most cases it is always risky. I was with a guy last year, I got to fighting because I was caught with a guy and his girlfriend saw us together. (i.e I didn't know anything about her) He was telling me that he lonely and all this other bull crap about being with only me. At least with a married man you already know the situation about his drama. He will be up front with you. You can even give him advice on how to handle her. That's another plus, you can have other guys and he won't be mad with you at all. Where as, a single guy who has been cheating way more than you will want to beat you down just because he caught you with another guy. That wouldn't be my situation because like I said I go into a relationship truthful from the start but it has happened that is why I learned to be truthful from the start. I just have different saying about everything and these saying got me a hundred dollars in my pocket today from two different men. I'm 17 but I date older men so I got it like that.

You are in for a rude awakening sista. Be very careful because you can't possibly know everything at 17 years old. No one knows everything, but take into consideration that the people in this forum are older and more experienced in life. From what you said in this post, you are on a dangerous road if you really believe that this is how the game is played. Like panafrica said, no 17 year old girl is going to play a grown man. There is nothing a 17 yr old girl can give a grown man, except the obvious. You can't tell him how to deal with his wife. So don't fool yourself. You can get shot. He doesn't care about you or value you. Just because you hang up on his wife doesn't mean she never followed or saw you two together. There are so many things you have no control over in these situations. All married men don't have money either because, kids, wife, bills all take a little piece here and there.

 

[Nita]

Thanks sis

Khasm and Panafrica...
your replies coming from men my black brothers
i really enjoyed reading them...

foxi my young sister becareful
its a dangerous game...and trust me if she calls you
you can drop any relations you have...the drama may or may not
but 9 times out of 10 that woman will confront you about her husband
not gonna judge you ot trying..just becareful..but i myself have never mess with a married man...never even thought about it just to crazy and dangerous..i have been approach my some crazy stupid married men..but thas not my style..so to me its a joke when they need to be taken care of home!!!!

Nita Mae great topic sis....

Peace
Angel

Wonderful response!!
Thank you

 

[krazelyricks]

Being that so many people disagree with my responses. This will probably be my last one on this topic.( Naaww, I'm having too much of a good time giving off my philosophy)

First off, I want to give my drawz to a special person (i.e it probably won't be anytime soon). The men that I date know this. Like I said, I go into a relationship with all my beliefs and dirty on the table. I don't hold anything back from the people I talk to. I guess, they see this as a challenge. They know I don't want to give up my drawz but I guess they think the wining and dining will some how throw out my beliefs and make me WANT to give up my drawz. I really don't know, but I take all that they give me PROUDLY.

In most cases, I talk to my LORD and I tell and confess to him my feelings and doubts about a person before I actually react on the gifts and glamour they offer and he guides my perfectly. He is my savior and only he can judge me. I don't see what I'm doing as a sin. They might be my neighbor's property but I don't WANT these men, they want ME. I just take what they give me.

For all of you that said "a 17 yr old girl can't play a grown man", when did I ever say I was playing them? You took my statements sooooooo wrong! A playa uses WITHOUT letting his/ her dirt out the bag. I let my dirt out the bag from the first beginning and I am not afraid to voice my oppinions. A playa hurts people in the end. I don't hurt them because they know I don't LOVE them nor do I put myself on front street by telling them I do. I don't write letters to a man telling them "I don't want you anymore, I am thru" I tell him to his face because I think that is the only way to do it. If this is a playa then so be it. They sill gets none from me.

I know that one day all this will catch up with me because one of these men will get too attached and want me to be HIS but I will still want to do what I do but until that day I will continue doing what I am doing. The comments that you all gave me made me rethink myself a lot because you are like you said way older than me and have experience life more than me. That's why I have decided that I am going to think about every person I choose to date carefully.



Foxi

P.S
I am not immature. You can not judge a person because of their philsophy on one subject. I mean, you just don't agree with it. I'm still not immature. There are a lot of people that live life the way I do but I'm the only one that is woman enough to voice my oppinons on it. That's just like saying a person is dumb because they are not as good as others in math. That's stupid. I still excell academically and mentally. And for someone to say that I am immature is certainly out their jurisdiction. But I still luv ya'll and there are no hard feelings. My love still remains the same. No one has offended me yet.

 

[vj57]

Unfortunately, I have been the other woman. I was young(er), but that's no excuse. Perhaps that's why there are issues in my marriage now... However, last time I checked, they're still married. Apparently, they have this "arrangement" where they each do their own thing.. The only reaosn they got married in the first place was to take care of the kids.....

Like I said, I don't have any excuses for what I did. I did it, I regretted it immediately, and asked for forgiveness. On Judgement Day, I have to stand before G-d and answer for what I did.

However, many people do feel that if you're separated, you're not really married.. just biding your time for a divorce.

Yeah, been there, done that and with regrets. I loved this married man. We had an affair for five years. I swear he was the greatest lover ever and I would come home during lunchtime to be with him.

I knew there was no future for us and I went into this with my eyes wide open. I felt sorry for him because he gave me the "I don't get no action at home" routine and "I can't stand her!"

I do believe he cared for me. Many people knew of our affair. He had no problems with showing his feelings for me in public.

But I had a wake up call. I fell in love with him, and finally, I accepted the Lord as my Personal Savior. Knowing this was wrong, I had to end it. Which I did for one year and had to have a last round in March 2004.

I still care for him, but it was wrong. I'm not making excuses....wrong is wrong! But God has forgiven me and I've moved on.

I was talking to a friend tonight and we were discussing things and she made me so angry when she brought it up. She tends to bring up people's past all the time and I had to chew her out. I told her that God has forgiven me and the slate is clean. I'm not with the man anymore and have moved on.

God does forgive, so don't think different. There is no one on the face of this earth who hasn't sinned. So what if they didn't sleep with someone's husband? Sin is sin!

My advice to people today is to have your own spouse. Those holidays go by and that married man or woman is not there for you. They have to sneak around. Cannot be seen with you. Cannot spend the night. My former lover only spent a few hours with me. It was all about sex, but he would lie in bed afterwards and cuddle with me. He made me feel like a real woman. And when he left, I would cry.

I know that one day I will have my own husband. God is not cursing me for my sin. I would be cursed had I continued.

Please bear in mind that IF you asked God for forgiveness, He has done so. He has forgotten your sin. It is my goal to be in His favor at all times and it's not easy. But when I stand before Him, if He approves of me, He will accept me into His Home forever.