Black Relationships : Would you have an affair with a married man or woman?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Nita, May 20, 2004.

  1. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm a 27 year old mother of four. I recently(today 5-20-04) got a divorce from my husband. We were together 10 years. Going thru this divorce was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. One reason being I didn't believe in divorce. We separated over 3 years ago, and I always remained faithful to him even tho we weren't sleeping together, it was hard, but God has been too good to me to turn back to sin.
    My husband wasn't supporting our family, our home, or our everyday needs. About 2 years into the separation he had an affair. I just found out about it in September of last year. When I found this out it broke my heart so because I never thought he would ever do this to me. What hurt even more was, a woman slept with him knowing all along he was married....smh
    I tried to leave it in the hands of God because there was nothing I could do to control their actions. I tried to tell myself God sees all and THEY will have to answer to HIM one day. Still, I just had to confront her and ask her why? She couldn't say nuthing but yeah I knew he was married, but yall wasn't together at the time. :confused:
    Isnt marriage always marriage until death do you part or the judge signs the divorce card?

    Where is the respect for marriage?


    I would never sleep with a married man
    1. because I fear God too much. I couldn't stand to have to lQQk HIM in the face and tell him why I helped to break the bond HE created for man and woman.
    2. I've seen a good friend suffer,same situation and now I have gone thru it myself. The pain is so undescribable. I have so much hate for the woman who slept with my husband, but If I had a chance to pay her back by doing what she did to me, I couldn't. I refuse to let someone elses foolish mistakes harden my heart.
    3. There are too many single brothers out there to risk going to hell. We need to stop lQQking @ other peoples mates and find that mate for us.
    How can you be at peace with yourself knowing you may be helping to tear a family apart? The devil has reeked war on marriages, please don't let him use you to do his evil works.

    I guess I learned my values of marriage fom my parents who were wonderful examples. My father is a Baptist minister and my mother a teacher.

    I just wonder if any of you out there are trying to teach your children the right values and the morals. Are you being a good exmple. Or are you helping to continue the cycle of immorality?
     
  2. MrBlak

    MrBlak Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Whoah.

    Sorry to hear about that whole sitaution. He aint a man to have left you with all the responsibilities of four kids after helping you create them so dont feel so bad to be divorced from him. Hopefully part of the settlement was to make him assist you.

    You are right to ask the question you did at the end becuase it seems to me black folks wanna punish their kids all day for stuff that they do them self, or at least encourage in a round about way. So many in the community act a fool 6 days a week then call themself a "good christian" for going to church on the 7th day. They look down on people like me who dont participate. If they are gonna hold themself in such a high regard and the kids look at them like they are some sort of god(dess), they better have their act together, living right. Many dont though. Its wrong as hell.

    At least YOU seem to be one who leads by example and your kids will turn out better for that.

    MrBlak
     
  3. toylin

    toylin Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Unfortunately, I have been the other woman. I was young(er), but that's no excuse. Perhaps that's why there are issues in my marriage now... However, last time I checked, they're still married. Apparently, they have this "arrangement" where they each do their own thing.. The only reaosn they got married in the first place was to take care of the kids.....

    Like I said, I don't have any excuses for what I did. I did it, I regretted it immediately, and asked for forgiveness. On Judgement Day, I have to stand before G-d and answer for what I did.

    However, many people do feel that if you're separated, you're not really married.. just biding your time for a divorce.
     
  4. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    MrBlak

    Thanks so much for the reply. Yes I believe the divorce was the right choice to make. He was hurting me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually because he had me questioning my faith and my belief in God. He had me thinking God didn't care about me and my problems because my marriage was falling apart and I was prayin that He fix it. What I didn't understand was God makes no man do anything. He gives us FREEWILL and the option to make our own choices and decisions. It's hard raising my children alone, but I will continue doing what I know is right.
     
  5. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I guess different strokes...for different folks. Well as for me, my thing has always been this: I will go down to the bottom of the boat with you...but I won't stay down there. meaning...I give my all and all, once "ALL" is gone...so am I because to me, ..."when you're dead, you're done" and it's noway I would even think about waiting 3 yrs., 2 yrs., 1 yr. or even 1 month, divorce here I come, because my life do continues.
     
  6. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks sis

    for your honesty.

    Many people do feel if you're separated you have the right to lay down with others, but that's NOT true. Marriage just aint serious to some folks...smh
    I havn't been with another man since I've met my husband. We were separated over 3 years and there were needs I needed met, but I had made a promise to My Husband and God. I had to put those needs aside for years, and I'm young...shoot...27. I jus couldn't go out like that, so I stayed scrong...lol
     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    I say no !!!! i would not get deep with a married woman because knowing it may
    bring more problems and it's out right wrong !! so sorry to here about this and really
    i know what you mean i too took mines the way u did and i wasted no time ending it
    the right way to move on in life it may have hurt but was for the best sometime
    we can't stop what take place but we can control our happiness i wish you well
    sistah
     
  8. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I wouldn't anymore because it's a messed up thing to do and I don't want to get shot over some married woman. :uzi:


    Seriously though......I'm sorry to hear about all the pain you've been through. I'm sure your a very beautiful woman and it's a shame that he couldn't see how precious you are. Much love Nita.
     
  9. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks

    Brother $$RICH$$
    I'm so glad you shared with us. I wish you all the best as well.
    :heart:

     
  10. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Bother kente

    You're right, it aint worth all the dramma.
    Thank you for your kind words. Nita is doing just fine right now, even got a couple brother wanting to take a sister out....Heeeeey!!!!..lolol
    God knows how precious I am, I think think he has someone very special in store for me who will know how to truly love this Queen.
    :heart:

     
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