Black Relationships : Would you have an affair with a married man or woman?

[Realguyjeff]

What is seperation

First of all let me say that I wouldn't date a person who is seperated. Yet the whole issue of seperatioin kinda confuses me. To be officially "seperated" to me is like being laid off. If you get laid off, you might as well start looking for another job after so long, because they'll either hire you back to do something you have no passion for, or they'll never call back at all. Maybe one should be optimistic and say, "Well....things will be back like they were, just be patient" but honestly I got laid off from Wal-Mart (yeah I know) like 5 years ago. Now I'm about to graduate college and they still haven't called me back . Anyway, while I wouldn't say that it was "cheating" after two years of seperation, I still wouldn't do it. Just my humble opinion

 

[Nita]

smh

Realguyjeff,
hmy: How can you even compare a marriage to being laid off from a job??????
:deal: A marriage is a bond created by GOD for man and woman. This is a bond he encourages and blesses. Marriage is a commitment, a pledge till death do you part. Marriage bonds people, it's when two become one and there is nothing confusing about it. When you get married you give yourself to a person. If you truly love and have given your all to that person, and the bond is broken for whatever reason, it takes away a part of you, and the pain of that I can never describe. My separation never ever felt like being laid off from a job, for like you said you can look for a new job, but you can never get back the love and commitment you gave to another. Marriage will alway hold a higher respect with me than a job ever will and this is just my humble opinion.
Peace

First of all let me say that I wouldn't date a person who is seperated. Yet the whole issue of seperatioin kinda confuses me. To be officially "seperated" to me is like being laid off. If you get laid off, you might as well start looking for another job after so long, because they'll either hire you back to do something you have no passion for, or they'll never call back at all. Maybe one should be optimistic and say, "Well....things will be back like they were, just be patient" but honestly I got laid off from Wal-Mart (yeah I know) like 5 years ago. Now about to graduate college and they still haven't called me back . Anyway, while I wouldn't say that it was "cheating" after two years of seperation, I still wouldn't do it. Just my humble opinion

 

[Realguyjeff]

Realguyjeff,
hmy: How can you even compare a marriage to being laid off from a job??????
:deal: A marriage is a bond created by GOD for man and woman. This is a bond he encourages and blesses. Marriage is a commitment, a pledge till death do you part. Marriage bonds people, it's when two become one and there is nothing confusing about it. When you get married you give yourself to a person. If you truly love and have given your all to that person, and the bond is broken for whatever reason, it takes away a part of you, and the pain of that I can never describe. My separation never ever felt like being laid off from a job, for like you said you can look for a new job, but you can never get back the love and commitment you gave to another. Marriage will alway hold a higher respect with me than a job ever will and this is just my humble opinion.
Peace

I would never simply compare a job to a marriage, especially not Wal-mart. I would however, use an analogy (correspondence in some respect between things otherwise dissimilar) so that I might be more expressive. No harm in that is there?

 

[CarrieMonet]

I met a man who was very much living the single life. He had his own place, no kids, no apparent girlfriend to be seen for miles. I loved him with all my heart and we had the most perfect relationship. We spent at least 4-5 days a week together during our entire relationship, taking trips, exploring nearby cities and states, and the cultural scene. He was the most wonderful man I'd ever met and we dated for 9 months before disaster struck.

One night we went to a jazz bar to hear some live music. As we were sitting and talking I joked that sometimes he had a married look about him. He laughed it off, and asked how can one look married. I responded that he just DID, he reminded me of some older married men I'd seen around. That conversation took place about two months before he admitted he was indeed married.

One day he called me and told me that he needed to talk to me. I went to his place and he informed me that he was married, that he and his wife had been separated and living in different states for over a year, but that she wanted to move here so that she could see if they could reconcile their marriage. He then told me they had a son together. During his confession I just sat there unable to form any words. I was stunned, heartbroken, and mortified! He actually had the nerve to ask me to continue to see him because he didn't think things would really work out between him and his wife...but I was too **** pissed to even consider being his FRIEND, let alone a chick on the side.

I share this story to remind people that getting involved is not always a CHOICE. I made a choice to discontinue seeing him once I knew the truth, but he never gave me an option to make that decision up front. So in defense of "some" women who are involved with married men, sometimes things get too deep before the truth is relevent...and like most women in love they choose love. I was stong enough to walk away, away from the one I loved the most, but I still feel that pain 13 years down the line.

 

[Nita]

Whoa...

your story indeed had a twist to it. You said you asked him if he was married in the bar because he "lQQked" married, did that question just come up out of the blue or were there signs that led to you asking this question? Now that the relationship is over do you now see signs you may have missed then, just wondering. This was a wonderful different side to things that you brought before us. I must say that I'm glad you were woman enough to walk away. Relationships are built on trust, if you have to lie to stay in one I feel the whole relationship is a big lie as well.

Thank you...Thank you so much for this