Black Relationships : Why Date at all? Why not just arrange marriages between good families?

[Queenie]

I care more about the relationship end also. Both parties having the mental, emotional, and compassionate stability to endure the tough times as well as the good.

I think, what the signed certificate does is insures each party legal rights over ones assets if something was to happened. This is very important also. If one party gets sick, or God forbid, dies, the stronger of the two has the legal rights to make decisions and/or collect the assets built on the behalf of the other. Without that marriage certificate anyone related or associated (if a business has been obtained) can fail claims over the revenue which was built together by the couple.

So both are equally important. Especially when a healthy strong union has been established and children are involved.

I agree that the heads of a household should take responsibility for protecting their assets which, in my mind, include each other and children assigned to their care either by birth, adoption, or any other means that make it an extended family unit. A marriage certificate may insure these things but there may be other legal means in which this can be guaranteed as well.

 

[AirSUn]

Arranged marriages may work for other cultures because they have existed and "thrived" for so long. Just because it has existed doesn't mean that it is actually successful. These two ideas cannot be intertwined. Also, here in our culture we are a "melting pot" for several reasons. This does have an affect on how we choose to see the concept of dating and love. For those who for lack of words were born here, we have greatly been influenced by this culture and so change can be strange if it is not known and there is no exact proof that another way would be better. We also have to understand the very nature of the institution of marriage and relationships. For some, marriage is a sign of ownership. Does this imply that we want to own our lovers? I certainly don't believe so but why is the insitution of marriage so important to human beings?

Some cultures believe that we don't actually need marriage at all..
Just a few points to ponder..
Thanks loves!

 

[PurpleMoons]

I agree that the heads of a household should take responsibility for protecting their assets which, in my mind, include each other and children assigned to their care either by birth, adoption, or any other means that make it an extended family unit. A marriage certificate may insure these things but there may be other legal means in which this can be guaranteed as well.

Now that you mention it, hmm...i think another way of protecting each other is through a legal will, and/or making each other the power of Attorney. I know children can be protected just by having both names on a birth certificate.

I remember watching this documentary about wills. I can't recall the name, but this man had a daughter outside of his marriage. He came from a wealthy family and was an Heir. However, when he passed, he included in his will for his oow daughter to receive part of his assets. Somehow, the children through marriage, found a way to over-ride the fathers will, leaving the other daughter with nothing.

So i'm wondering, while there may be other ways to protect each other, how secure are those ways really?

I'm also wondering in a case where there is a previous partner with child/children. And for some reason they agreed to split. How would that affect the present relationship if the common person of the two passes away; leaving behind investments built from both relationships?

I'm just considering these things cause they do happen sometimes. One partner may be a little bitter over the other and deliberately cause problems when the opportunity presents itself. If not married, how would one secure this from happening?

 

[Angela22]

Why not just find the suitable guy/gal.. do all your medical tests.. background investigation.. meet the families.. etc.. and then just get married?

I think people are a bit afraid of that these days, and also, I believe kids seeing how the generations did before us just a few years back, people wanna get their kicks, and with dating, they get to get a lot.

 

[Black-king]

Why not just get married first? What difference does it make? A 35 year old man/woman may have engaged in 5 or 10 relationships in their lives so far.. all the while, looking for that special someone.. They'll fully share their bodies.. their property.. their emotions.. and even have/raise children with folks that have not committed to them.. all while still in pursuit of "the one" and the ever illusive and finicky "Love".. but by the time they find "the one", they are literally used up.. and could be said to be professional Daters and lovers.. relationship technicians.. if you will... And all that mileage builds up and begins to impede social progress. While looking for "the one",seekers have been known to become cynical and defensive and pessimistic.. (or worse, unreasonably optimistic), physically unhealthy, over-sexed, devious, etc.. and each of those development make the search for Neo.. the one.. that much more difficult.

Why not just skip all of that and do like many families do in other countries.. Japan for example..??

If the daughter is 25 or so and still has not married, the families get together and present the daughter with suitable men from familiar families, and if the daughter says yes.. they meet and get to know each other.. and if all is well, they get married.. and that's that. And those marriages are not just between the individuals, they are between families as well. It seems to me to be a very mature and sober system.. as opposed to all of this Hollywood inspired wandering around that goes on in western countries.


Why not just find the suitable guy/gal.. do all your medical tests.. background investigation.. meet the families.. etc.. and then just get married?

Asian and many African cultures still practice that, its a viable and efficient option to create good manageable relationships. However in western societies and especially America who practice me first and woman independence, makes it hard to practice such custom. Many single sistas could benefit from something like this, but in a society that is as is vain as American society where marriage and family takes a backseat to lust and debauchery, its not gonna happen.