Black Relationships : Baby Mothers and Fathers

[JCsChild04]

I am currently in that situation except we don't still sleep with each other. We live 2,000 miles away from each other now. I had his baby almost three weeks ago. In those three weeks he has not called but once to curse me out because I didn't name her what he wanted to name her. He doesn't do a thing for her. She and I have been blessed by other family members, friends, and from money that I saved when I worked up to my eighth month of pregnancy.

The huge mistake we both made was we weren't together for very long. Only a month when I got pregnant. I had known him for close to 6 months but it still was not long enough. He says that we weren't even together and he tries to downplay the relationship we had by trying to make me and my daughter not such a big deal. I have tried to keep myself busy and read books about it but I cannot let go of him. When I talk to him on the phone it's when I have called him and I get so angry with myself for continuing to call him when I know he's not thinking about me. No matter what I do to not think about him I still think about him. I keep having these glittery dreams of us being a happy family knowing it's not going to happen. I know I literally sound crazy. Everyone continues to tell me to let him go and move on and talk to people who are supportive and everything but it's not that easy for me to let go. I need to figure out exactly what I need to do or make myself believe to make him go away. Not neccesarily go away but I want to not yearn for him. I only want it to be a lighter situation but only for my daughter because she needs him, not me. I don't like it when people tell me she doesn't need a daddy around because if I didn't have a father who refused to let me fall and who was always there for me when I screwed up the most I don't know where I would be. I don't want my daughter to have to tell me what it's like to not have a father around. If anyone has any kind of advice for me please tell me so and what it is. I need to learn how to communicate to him what needs to happen with my daughter but whenever I talk to him I bite my tongue because I don't want him to just drop out of the situation. I want to make sure he is there, he's kind of sensitive, which is why I bite my tongue so often. This is something I want to deal with but I cannot do it alone. It would be nice to have some advice and support from my people. Thank you guys. Sorry my post is so long.

 

[RanRan]

If I were you I'd set the motions for making sure my child would be provided for financially. You didn't have sex with yourself so there's no reason why you should be providing for your child by yourself. You should also speak with his family, his parents, grandparents or whomever he is close to, find out if they are willing to make sure that your child knows she has many people in her corner. Hopefully his family is about something and would convince him to accept his responsibilities. From your description it sounds like your baby daddy is a problem that won't neccessarily be easy to solve. But pray on it and act on it and maybe things will turn around. For your daughter's sake though you should concentrate on making sure he wises up enough to be a permanent figure in her life and upbringing and also her financial well being and push those Donna Reed fantasies out of your head. I don't mean to discourage you by saying that it won't happen, you and your daughter's father getting back together, because stranger things have happened, but it's important that you recognize the real issue is making sure she has an active daddy. You can always find another brotha to keep you company, she only get's one daddy and that should be your main focus.

 

[$$RICH$$]

JCschild04............i feel you and the pain this must be but those emotional feelings you have can be replaced indeed you was not alone in making this beautiful life and you should take all measures to asure your self & the welfare of your child he haven't been to see the baby nor take time to call give you much to sit down and think about for the future of your self & child , yes it maybe time you let go of the dream and mentally focus on the life and bettering it from this point so this child be most humble secured speak with family mother and who will listen also their are other help lines in your city to give advice on handling this ....the yearning thing is your inner emotions to have your baby father with you
he seem to show from your speech he care less and down you from his life what happen was not a mistake nor faults but move ahead and give this child the best life has to offer let him go but you also can try to sit him down reach his mind and know where he stand this not a game or toy it'a a life a child talk with member of his family you may even have to seek court support order
but the thrill seem to be not there on his part sometime
we have to face reality , work on showing him how his child will need him and you move on their are many good men who will comfort you and love you but the child need there father so it's time you step up and be the mother you are and make the changes for the best of the child he right now not being a man and running from his total responsibility.....answer your self this do
he really care or love us ? ask him the same question the answer he give will tell you much..Good luck sistah on this twisted journey of fatherless manless emotional ride you facing
do be wise and have the heart to do what's best seek the help needed and support of family but don't let it lay still besure to know where and what role he will play in the child life if not yours hope everything work out for the best for you & your little beauty
he may be afraid to stand up and be a man a father
ask questions and feel the answers he give this will help you know your best move and what move to make
again good luck .....sorry you facing the drama

 

[JCsChild04]

I'm not trying to make excuses for anything but whenever I ask him what he wants to do about the baby or how he plans on being there, he gives me answers like," Why are you pressuring me? I said I was going to be there and I will." But he has yet to prove that to me or her. I have tried to sit and talk to him about what he planned on doing but he gives me bullcrap answers like the one above. I am trying to come across to him non-threatening because I don't want to threaten the little conversation we have. I believed at one time that he would be a great dad because I used to see him with his nieces and cousins and all the small children in his family loved him. But now I'm wondering is it because I am the baby's mother that he doesn't show interest at all. He called me spiteful and says that I forced him to be a daddy when he said I should have had an abortion and we wouldn't even be having problems. Thank you so much you guys for the sound advice, I love you guys for that but I have tried some of those things and I think he talks bad about me to his family which is why they pay no attention to me. You know how that can be! But I'm praying that he would change and I know it won't happen overnight but I see no small change either. I guess all I can do is sit and wait. I have started talking recently to a man who loves children but I think he gets jealous that I don't have his baby and I had to stop talking to him and it hurt because I know he is a good man but he was dragging me down and if I wanted that I have

 

[RanRan]

Well baby I hope you can get it together and have it all work out in the end. You may need to think about legal action at this point though. Sometimes that will wise a brotha up also, make him realize this ain't no joke, it's a child's life.

I know one thing when I have daughters I dare some man act a fool like that on one of my girls. What happened to the days when the men in the family would take a shotgun to a stupid brotha's a**? Ain't nothin like seeing a situation for what it is while staring down the barrel of a shotgun.