Black Relationships : Baby Mothers and Fathers

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Maat, Jun 17, 2003.

  1. Maat

    Maat Member MEMBER

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    Greetings Sisters and Brothers,

    I’m new here and very happy that I have found this forum for my people created by my people (Thank you Destee:). I look forward to hearing a lot more of your views and thoughts from here on…..

    OK the thing that has been on my mind for a while now is the “Baby Mother and Father” issue.

    Why in many cases, does each gender in the situation try to hold onto the mother or father of their child even though they no longer wish to have a relationship, yet do not wish for their ex partner to have a relationship with anyone else?

    If you do not want your man or woman why not let them go on to be happier with someone else?
    Is there still a flame there that needs putting out before either can move on? If so, why not just deal with it up front and stop – what seems to be - messing each other around?

    Why do these people put themselves through the hell of trying to maintain their relationship if neither is happy with each other? Yes you have children and you will always have that connection between you. That will never change!

    Could it be that because the two have been intimate that by staying vaguely together gives them some sort of freedom pass to have intercourse as and when they please, because they’ve “been there” before?

    I don’t know it just seems like a lot of wasted time and energy that causes more hurt and bitterness than is necessary.

    Also, the title Baby Mother and Father seems to have become a very loose term now in the way that it’s used. I know that using these words is supposed to be a way of showing respect for the part each other has played in bringing the child/ren into this world, but if you respect your other half so much, why is it that person not your Wife or Husband, your Queen or King, your Godess or God???

    What are your thoughts and experiences with this one?
    :confused:
     
  2. SwtT

    SwtT Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Man, it's a flame still there......these two people brought a kid into this worl by their love....It's always issues tooo!
     
  3. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Heyyyyy Maat...Welcome...Welcome :wave:

    We are so glad that you're here with us and you like it. I hope you also find time to visit our Voice Chat which is open 24/7 and we have our very own ******** Radio Station!! Explore and gain the full experience at Destee.com!

    Your thread is very interesting. The dynamics between people can be interesting indeed and leave you to wonder what's going on. What you describe sounds like a co-dependent relationship. One where the two people "feed" off of each other's needs, wants, and desires--healthy and unhealthy. It's like a sick addiction where treatment to rid one's self requires the same or similar intervention as it takes to become drug-free.

    Sometimes when relationships turn sour after there are children involved, some people harbor hostility toward each other. This makes it virtually impossible to move on in a healthy way. These people can't seem to get past the anger and frustration that became a part of their relationship toward the end and if it's ugly and deep enough, it can be quite dangerous to all involved, including, if not especially, the children.

    Great topic! Peace! :)
     
  4. Maat

    Maat Member MEMBER

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    Hey again Swt and NNQueen :smile:

    Thank you for your response. I hear what you both say and it makes sense.

    I can only comment on what I've seen but what saddens me is that the children often get the headache of how bad their fathers are (haven't had a male perspective on this yet). I feel this is wrong because the child is not responsible for their parents' actions and shouldn't have to bear that burden. They will find certain things about their parents when the time is right.

    I have quite a few family and friends in this situation that has just gone on for years, I'm talking 20 or more in some cases. I suppose everyone is individual in the way they deal with things and love is complicated - if that what it is, but bitterness is so dangerous. I hope anyone reading this who may be in the same situation can maybe think about a way to deal with these things and move forward.....

    :heart:
     
  5. Regina

    Regina Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Greetings,

    I think most people on this forum know my feelings about this issue from my other posts. I think the mother and father are equally responsible for the children. One parent should not prevent the involvement of the other parent in their child's life.
     
  6. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Regina, you wrote:

    "One parent should not prevent the involvement of the other parent in their child's life."

    Under any circumstance, no matter what?
     
  7. Regina

    Regina Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If there are no factors such as abuse (physical, emotional, sexual), drug addiction or anything detrimental to the child, then a child is entitled to access to both parents. Too often, I see kids in a tug of war when one parent is mad at the other. They use the kids as a bargaining chip.
     
  8. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Thank you for the clarification!

    Peace!
     
  9. maccdd

    maccdd Member MEMBER

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    :love: It is often not a matter of just making the other miserable. I have found that ussually one (male/ female ) feels cheated if the other finds any kind of success or happiness. I think it is rare to see people equally responsible. The "guilt" card is played a lot these days by both sides.
     
  10. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    I agree with regina reply it say much of what i feel about it

    most time we do see that one of the mates take it out
    on the other from anger and not want to see he/she
    move on to better days and the child or children get
    caught up in the mix of their heated hate....
     
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