Black Relationships : SHE IS ~NOT~ YOUR BABY'S MAMA...

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Metaverse, Aug 13, 2008.

  1. Metaverse

    Metaverse Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    SHE IS YOUR WIFE.

    [​IMG]

    Give a blind Man a stack of money and he wouldn't know the difference between the 20s and 1s. Are we the same way in American society? Remember when Black folks were always called out statistically for having the highest numbers of "unwed" child births in the nation? But now in the media terms like "baby mama" are as common as a terrorist threat. Hollywood Celebrities are being called baby mamas and daddies as a way to describe their unmarried union and we celebrate that somehow because perhaps it makes us feel, dare I say it - "normal and accepted."

    While I fully understand the biblical notion about following "the laws of the land" since the natural world could consume the American/European population many many times over - the laws of the land are dictated by nature not Man's law. However Human laws do govern our minds and thoughts.

    In most indigenous cultures when a Man wants a divorce from his wife he simply leaves her in the house and goes off to build a new house. How hard is that to understand? BUT he is still responsible to that Woman especially if a child is between them, then she is still his Wife regardless.

    We know how the Sistahs feel about polygamy, and rightly so. Indigenous Women complain about it too. But no one not even nature has provided a balance between the disparity. Except for the fact that by nature some Men will fight and some Men will die. Naturally by his own governance a Man will walk out into the world and find a way to kill himself.

    There is a Man the natural world might highlight that our current society will ignore, in fact- we will claim he doesn't exist. Since it's natural for Men to kill themselves, who takes care of the wife and children after that? Obviously those Men who aren't prone to that "termination" disposition. We should be as thankful for such strong Men as we are for strong Mothers.

    An area very rarely discussed especially for those who stand behind polygamy is the fact that such has always applied to the Women as well. In the natural world sometimes a Woman will take up her entire family and move to another Man's house, leaving the poor sap of a Husband to fend for himself. But that husband is still required to bring fish and provisions to his children, the new Father figure is not required to take up his burden so long as he is still alive.

    [​IMG]

    What am I saying here? I am saying the term "Baby Mama" and even "Baby Daddy" is a term that has taken away a sense of responsibility not just away from the child but to the relationship. In the natural world, sex may not be a sign of marriage all the time, but when a Man keeps a Woman in his house over a period of days that can be a sign of marriage even if they never had sex.

    This was true in the south for many generations too, and it was called "common law marriage." You could have a Woman living with you for 6 months or vice versa and not realized that you were now legally married.

    Meanwhile, polygamy is being practiced anyway regardless if we call it that or not. Brothas with 3-5 different so-called "baby mamas" - those are your Wives. Face it, because that's exactly how she acts when she calls. She is responding to a natural instinct, just as the Male will react to a natural instinct if you walk into her Home and another Man is playing PS3 on the couch with your child.

    But I guess in a way, it might make sense to keep the term going, as not to alert the Females about what's really going on. It might sound better to say a Man has 2 Baby Mommas and not 2 other Wives. No one wants to feel less than number one.

    But what makes better sense? Child support is alimony anyway on the books.

    Marriage isn't always about jumping over a broom. Marriage is an intimate union the tying of a knot. Now what could be a bigger knot than a child?

    [​IMG]

    Brotha. That's not your Baby's Mother. That's your Wife.
     
  2. phynxofkemet

    phynxofkemet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    One of Your Best

    You always make me smile with your insightful posts! This one takes us into Natural laws that govern and I like that. Well written and truly observant, you've been blessed with a keen mind!
     
  3. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    There IS

    some Psychic ish going on here!

    Just this morning, with my first "consumer/client/participant" of the day...
    a young man of Afreekan Descent...who was court ordered to d/a treatment for a DUI while on probation...after having completed a course of d/a treatment a couple years ago...successfully....and who does not want to be in treatment...and who is still in treatment after 9 months..(his first therapist quit..just walked out one day...AFTER..having told him he was finished following one month of participation i believe) and his court unit case manager and our program said he had to "make-up" his time he missed after following that therapists' account....

    i get him in june and he and I establish a date...a clear plan for his completion..i alter my time a bit to accommodate his desire for an 8:30 AM session...my day starts at 8:30..yet I agree to see him at 8:45 am cause he wants early morning so he will be free the rest of the day...we are down to the wire now and it has been a struggle to say the least....mostly because he has nothing he wants to talk about...so we sit...for 45 mins...and i let him be were he is....he will engage for brief periods..yet today...had to deal with his anger cause he lost his insurance and I'm holding him accountable to OUR agreement...2 solid months THEN discharge...if he does not have insurance and misses days because of it..he has to make those days up. he has two young children...one "baby mama"...and the two of them have lots of drama...from what I can surmise from the tidbits he drops here and there....

    Anywho....he asked me a question this morning (can't remember now what it was) yet...I did say to him....."Everybody has "Baby Mama's and Baby Daddies"....what do the children have":?:
    That piqued his interest and I saw another part of him...ALIVE...and he started sharing a bit of his thoughts and feelings...he talked about how "nice" relationships are in the beginning..then...eveybody in his neighborhood are separated into the "baby mama and baby daddy" category and he wondered about the statistics...

    I thought to myself later in the day....ummmmmm...SOMEBODY is going to start a conversation about "baby mama's/baby daddies" today....

    and...
    HERE IT IS!!!!!:jump:

    Am I really Psychic:?:
    or just "coincidence"


    btw..the young brother.....while he states he is "happy" is "time" is almost up...8/27....he was moving reaaaalllll slow when leaving my office....today...

    Thanks for Sharing Brother MetaSaience!


    M.E.
    :hearts2:


     
  4. Metaverse

    Metaverse Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Very interesting Queen True, some of us here at Destee are always picking up on each other's vibes. The Brotha is right, things do start out nice in the beginning, and then life happens. The configuration between the Male and Female is offset by the child, perhaps because the relationship was based on more falsehood realities than actual truths. A bag of korean hair and a pair of tight denim Jeans could get any Woman in the neighborhood pregnant, but those materials cannot keep the relationship going.

    And while Black Men and Women can blame each other, the real problem is in our unwillingness to see the truth about ourselves. Relationships between Men and Women have never been easy. Ever. There is no culture on the planet that can brag about a 100% success rate between Men and Women. Even in the natural world, there is a Man right now being stoned half to death by an upset Wife, upset because perhaps he didn't bring home enough bamboo to finish building the roof.

    The thing is, here is America Black folks are blamed and accused of every terrible thing imaginable, but we are as natural to the world as rain and water.

    A marriage for us was never about just that one individual person bonding with another, a marriage bonds 2 families together. Something that is rarely noted when folks start reciting un-wed statics among Black people. America's wedding ceremony is not ours to begin with. But when the families marrying families concept is introduced, even polygamy can be understood at that point. It's not just about one Man having many Wifes, but many families marrying into a royal, wealthy of power family through that one Man.

    But we aren't building these kinds of generations anymore and this is key and why those systems that include polygamy for Africans in American do not make any sense.

    [​IMG]

    In the natural world, Jay-Z would have more than just Beyonce as a Wife. Why? Let's see here. As it stands this power couple has networth well over $1 billion. Which is nothing compared to the wealth of African Kings, but obviously alot of money to us right? Well, consider the family marrying families concept. How much do you think B&J's families are worth now? Obviously more than 1 billion. What if Jay-Z had Wives with families that had money in the millions? Then that would add to that $1 billion empire for both him AND Beyonce. See how that works? So polygamy was also about gaining wealth.

    Is that a system we can sustain today? Perhaps not. Even though the Co-Wife would save the household a great deal of money too especially if she knows how to do hair and nails.

    But I guess we'd rather stick with the drama we have. Baby Momma drama is nothing new in the world, not even historically. And it's not above or below anyone no matter how much money you have. Ask Eddie Murphy.

    [​IMG]
    Eddie's two Wives.

    [​IMG]
    Ask 50.

    But is this all because our "GrandMothers" you know, the strong Elder females that kept the keys to yoni on a chain are now too young, too busy, too tired to give a smack? But we know they exist, because Martin Lawrence and Tyler Perry talks about them all the time.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    And as much as I hate seeing Black Men in dresses, these females do have a point. Who is really looking after the self interests of Black Women besides Big Momma? She never said her daughters couldn't fall in love and make love and have babies, she just made sure the Males took care of them. Or else.

    In our tradition beyond America "or else" was some serious business. I mean, a Man could lose his life behind or else. He could be kicked out of the tribe all together. But a Man not taking care of his child was unheard of because why else would be working in the first place? How could he go hunting with his Father and Brothers and not bring food for their Brother/Sister or Father or Mother to the next generation to come?

    I also side with the Brothas who say but 32% of my income is too much. And that's precisely why she should be called your Wife and not just your Baby's Mother, what child needs 32% of your income? A Husband in the home isn't paying 32% of his income especially when both Parents are working and especially when the child becomes old enough to start earning their keep. But again child support is really alimony.

    In the natural world a Mother would never be forced to raise a child she didn't want to raise. Babies are communally raised anyway. Even breast feeding is a shared responsibly. Loop holes not just in the system but in society allows for a Man to walk away from a child and Mother never to provide for them again. The Gov't will never fix this problem because the Gov't earns wealthy interest off failed Black relationships, either through child support or prison time. Take your pick.

    So if we are waiting for the Gov't or Obama to fix these problems, something is wrong with us too.

     
  5. truetothecause

    truetothecause Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    And ALWAYS Ignoring the FACT that THEY taught Us a lot of these B.S. Behaviors....HERE...in amerikkka and abroad......through their social/emotional societal parenting of US....

    now...We have them Judges like this

    sitting in Judgment...AS IF!!!!

    As I listened to this "Judge"...I thought about the atrocious BEHAVIORS of their ancestors here and what they DID to Ours.

    And...because we are largely beat down when we attempt to TALK ABOUT IT...
    Ask Questions of each other...on all levels.....Express the RAGE WE FEEL about the ISH they( and now we) put into...each other...with our WORDS.

    It is known in some circles, that when raising children, "you get out what you put in". I believe, rather, have come to know, through direct interaction and personal communications from others, that people have "put in" some awful ish....behaviorally speaking...Demonstrating huge and gross Inconsistencies in word and deed. thought and action, thinking and behaving....

    ignoring the FEELINGS.....which is for me ..the SPIRIT....that Energy which is in constant Motion....

    When one is blind and they are working their way somewhere...in motion... they MUST rely on FEELINGS ...tap tap this way...tap tap that way..use their SENSES.....if someone is close by them..they are likely to ASK QUESTIONS...in order to get from point A to point B.

    Ironically, the use of Substances supports the suppression of FEELINGS....that is typically the primary purpose. When one "feels good" and goes out to celebrate, they are often ALSO "fearful" of losing that "good feeling", and, this fear is what is being suppressed and a big up to the "good feeling"....the drink gives.

    Probably 100% of the M.A.D. I work with have had some legal involvement. I'd estimate at least 40% of the M.A.D. have. For all of them, drug seeking behaviors were the precipitant of legal woes. Some will even THANK THE LEGAL SYSTEM..cause it "sat them down" and they were able to get and keep a grip on the desire to suppress feelings using or dealing drugs.

    Asking questions however, is likely to stir up some FEELINGS....
    and we CAN'T have that...so...."I don't Care".....underlying message...."I won't let you know how it FEELS".


    M.E.
    :hearts2:
     
  6. Jazzytude

    Jazzytude Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Peace and Bless

    Guuuurlll you better quit trying to have mental sex with my baby daddy (MetaSaience)...............LOL................just kidding.

    But since I went there......Meta you gonna mess around and be all our baby's daddy..................we can roll play for power!:zipit:
     
  7. Jazzytude

    Jazzytude Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hotep!!!!!!!!!!!!


    ":teach:I smell smooooooooooooooooookkkkeeee":dance1:
     
  8. YungMiss

    YungMiss Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Yeah I agree but they call them baby mama's because they usually don't have feelings for them. Just because you got someone pregnant doesn't mean you tried to or wanted it to happen. If a male is willingly sending her money to care for the child then they usually would call her the mother of their child oppose to baby mama. A baby mama is just a woman who had a kid by you other then that you dont really have a deep connection with her. A wife is different because that person is committed to them and you are with them emotionally and physically. This is not always the case because you do have some males who will continue to see various "baby mama's" at the same time but we won't even get into that. Point is when they are not with them most women are reduced to baby mama's status. This is just somethings I have witnessed.
     
  9. Metaverse

    Metaverse Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Queen True is setting the thread on fire and Queen JazzyTude is trying to get me thrown out the house.

    As far as Black relationships go, I say find someone just as crazy as you are you'll be fine.


    A healthy marriage.

    YungMiss you are so very right. Good point of view. The term "Baby Momma" was used for years in Jamaica and then it crossed over into Black American culture. Since then the term was been divorced from it's true parent which is Rastafarian Caribbean culture that in most cases created the social term as a "majestic" way to recognize the Mother of a Man's child.

    Following the Rastafarian interpretation of the Bible (St Mark, chapter 12, verses 19–25), Rastafarians do not perform any formal marriage ceremony, but a man and a woman who cohabit are automatically treated as husband and wife by the community, and fidelity is considered very important .

    THIS RASTA SISTER EXPLAINS POLYGAMY
    http://yeyeolade.wordpress.com/2007/01/20/let-good-sisters-share-the-good-black-men/

    The terms themselves aren't really the problem actually. It's our construct and how it works along with the ideas that flow along in our heads. The main point however is for us to realize the difference between what is instinctively natural between a Man and Woman, and what is based in laws of the land. Too often we treat certain laws as if they are natural when obviously as time goes on, laws change to fit those who control the gold.

    And since Men complain about the power the Mothers of the children have over them, why not call her a Wife? She might as well be.

    Can you stomach this one? What type of marriages is he talking about here?

     
  10. phynxofkemet

    phynxofkemet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Head Shake

    I think there is something wrong with everyone who believes that wedding vows make a child "legitimate". Why does it seem to me that the Black Nations keep arguing with one another using different measuring rods / values that belong to others? I do agree that the rate of men not paying child support and not taking pregnancy as a serious transition whereby one ought to be a Father and not a sperm donor is an issue. But for the love of us all, why is there so much screaming, finger pointing and ARGUING?

    I would really like to see the Nations wear the same hat for a few rounds, then maybe we can get something accomplished. This debating ain't fostering answers.
     
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