Black Relationships : Marry because of a baby?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by MsInterpret, Apr 14, 2011.

  1. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Should two people who have a baby together while they are not married get married for the sake of the child?
     
  2. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    1. If they dont love each other, the marriage wont work

    2. The break up will build up a lot of resentment

    3. It will end up worse for the baby and them

    Bottom line:

    :deal:

    Marry someone you love 1st. Then have the kid(s). There is too much documentation on what goes wrong when you dont












    :em0200:


     
  3. Proverbs31Woman

    Proverbs31Woman Be kinder than necessary! MEMBER

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    No, I agree with Bro. Kemestry. To add, it's not a stretch to say that many couples don't court with the intention of exploring if their partner is marriage material,and much less if they would be a good parent; but rather date with immediate satisfaction in mind. So, if the relationship wasn't built on a long term foundation and a child is added..marriage could be a disaster with the pain handed down to the innocent.
     
  4. Amnat77

    Amnat77 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    That's what they did back in the olden days, and those folks stayed married for eons..besides arrange marriages are way more successful than this marrying for love illusion thing...
     
  5. ManicRaider

    ManicRaider Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    No way. I'm not getting married unless the person I'm with wants to get married. If we both feel the same way and have a baby, why would we all of a sudden want to get married? How does marriage help or save the child?
     
  6. Ikoro

    Ikoro Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If they are willing to sacrifice a whole lot, then yes.

    I loved my woman when she broke the news, and that was two days after we was just broke up. Of course I didn't take no for an answer when I said we had to give our family a try and move together.

    1 year and a few months later, we were done. Hella fights, crazy feelings and pain, and a lot of good times and laughs... It wasn't easy for either of us. But we are happy that we tried, we owed it to our son. Our time as a family was testing, but after it's all said and done we are just happy we can leave it behind with as few regrets as possible. We love ourselves and each other for giving it an honest effort.

    And it's only 3 months since we moved out of our house and started sharing custody, and although we catch feelings (guilt about splitting up our sons family) sometimes, we are still great friends and excellent parents. It's my biggest blessing that we managed to keep the communication lines open, be adults and love each other thru our son. Today it's relatively drama-free!

    IN SHORT, unless there are serious limitations (multiple baby mamas, too young, unstable financially), I think that two people who bring life to this planet should make an effort to get together either right there and then, or over a period of time. Forget about love, what a fickle thing. This ain't europe (oh, wait... it is), do it for the kid and always put it first. That's the only right and mature decision to make.*

    One,

    - Ikoro


    * of course, I say this isn't europe, but it is. This means that couples who get a child illegitimately might risk standing on their own, i.e. no community there to nurture and keep the couple in check. This is part of the reason me and my woman didn't make it. No marriage, no baptism etc. Too busy with work, arguing and such. There was never a time or a place to really integrate us into the community that would have put pressure on us to stay together, take care of us, call and check up etc. No elders (except for parents, and that was another drama issue) to give advice and support. So yeah, this IS europe, it is likely that the young ones might be totally on their own - which will be utterly detrimental.
     
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