Black Relationships : Your Relationship History

[CarrieMonet]

Do you think that past romantic defeats play a role in how you handle subsequent romantic relationships? I mean, for example, if you had your heart broken in your last relationship are you more conscious of how you treat your new mate for fear of hurting them as you were hurt?

Or, if you let a dying relationship drag on longer then was healthy are you quicker to sever romantic ties the second time around?

Or maybe you are the exact opposite and repeat the same "mistakes" over and over again?

 

[jazzymoonchild]

Hey, Sista Carrie

To my knowledge, I have only broken one heart. It was a painful thing to do, and he didn't understand my reasoning at first, until he calmed down and thought about what I was saying to him. Then he understood that we had to break up because we would have ended up hurting each other if we continued on the path we were on. We were talking English, but speaking in Chinese. We made no sense,...together.

Other than that, I am very respectful of other's feelings. I do however, tend to take the gloves off if they handle me in a disrespectful or harsh way. The moonchild in me will tighten my crablike vice around them with highly charged emotional words, and I don't have to yell or cuss, but he will remember what I said. Trust me.

I have noticed that I don't have much patience for bull after the stuff that I have been through, and that is something that I am working on. If I notice trouble, and its early on, I tend not to be too motivated to fix it. I'd rather be alone and let it die out. I don't particularly like that that has happened to me, but at the same time, I think, well, I know, that I was a victim of my own foolish heart over the years. Being in love with the thought of love and not completely using my head in all matters. I like to take my time and think now. Savor the moment.

 

[toylin]

Oh, the past will haunt you. For the rest of your life. The things we do for love.... In my past, I was quick things. Forget 3 strikes... one strike, eh, next! I got into my last relationship thinking that I'd take my time and stick around a little longer. *snort* Now I remember why I ended all those other relationships so quickly.

Besides. if you do not learn from your mistakes, you're doomed to repeat them. And repeat them. And repeat them.

 

[Angela22]

I don't think starting anew with someone else, without bringing in baggage of a past romance, is a risk of repeating the same mistakes again and again.

Considering it's someone new, you shouldn't treat them like they were the last person; however, that doesn't mean you can't use what you learned for the better, so long as you're not overdoing it, and again, treating them like they were the last person you were with.

One relationship might have dragged on unnecessarily, but sticking it out with another might actually bring rewards for you both. Just cutting it off because of your past experience, alone, seems rather immature, for lack of a better word. If you know they're worth it, don't just do to them what you WISH you had done to the last person, like that'll rectify the past, and justify your actions. It won't. Be there for them in that moment, and discern whether to stay of go based on that relationship, and not the past one.