Black Parenting : Relationships between parents and children.

[rapunzal24]

I don't have children, but I do have parents. My mother and I were having a conversation, and she used the children are always suppose to respect their parents rule. I totally agree with that, but if you are doing or saying something that I don't like, then I will let you know...in the most respectful way possible. Sometimes I feel as if it doesn't matter what I say, if I disagree with her, then it is being disrespectful. How do you guys deal with this? Some of you have children, how do you allow your children to communicate with you? Where does disrespectful come in with you? Is there a difference with them being an adult or a child? When have they crossed the line, and how do you handle that situation? Has your relationship with your parents been a guiding light towards how you handle things?

 

[Kyooms]

For me it does have to do with age yes and also has to do with tone and being able to tell when your parents are open for discussion.

All the kids in my family kind of earned the right to voice their opinion with age, even as a child speaking to another child, the older child has more say.
I wasn't really expected to have an opinion when I was a kid, I grew up in a household where children were to be seen and not heard, you don't interrupt your parents when they are on a phone call, you don't speak in the middle of an adult conversation and you certainly don't disagree when you are told to do something, if you didn't like it then you can pout and hope not to get a slap, or just do as you're told.

As I got older, around maybe 15 my parents became more linient, and I am not sure how I was able to tell they were, I just knew, but I was always still very mindful of the tone I took when I said something, no pouting, no walking away as I spoke, no eye rolling Just simply take a nice calm demeanor ask if they could explain something, or say I disagree and here is why. I think if you speak to your parents or anyone else with respect, the way you would like to be treated that should be a good indication of whether you are being disrespectful or not.

 

[skuderjaymes]

I don't have children, but I do have parents. My mother and I were having a conversation, and she used the children are always suppose to respect their parents rule. I totally agree with that, but if you are doing or saying something that I don't like, then I will let you know...in the most respectful way possible. Sometimes I feel as if it doesn't matter what I say, if I disagree with her, then it is being disrespectful. How do you guys deal with this? Some of you have children, how do you allow your children to communicate with you? Where does disrespectful come in with you? Is there a difference with them being an adult or a child? When have they crossed the line, and how do you handle that situation? Has your relationship with your parents been a guiding light towards how you handle things?

Peace Rapunzal,

That line that says, "always respect your parents" is not a singular charge to the child. It's also a charge to the parents.. it says, "always conduct yourself respectably".. and it says to outsiders, "always respect the childs obligation to respect his/her parents".. and further, "always respect the parents obligation to be respectable for their children".. it comes with a charge for every level.. personal, familial, communal, institutional.. etc.. etc..

If your parent is a murdering bankrobber are you still supposed to respect them? The Bible says, "Honor thy mother and thy father".. skuderjaymes retorts, "Be they honorable!"

-my 2 cents..

 

[Each1teach1]

Peace Rapunzal,

That line that says, "always respect your parents" is not a singular charge to the child. It's also a charge to the parents.. it says, "always conduct yourself respectably".. and it says to outsiders, "always respect the childs obligation to respect his/her parents".. and further, "always respect the parents obligation to be respectable for their children".. it comes with a charge for every level.. personal, familial, communal, institutional.. etc.. etc..

If your parent is a murdering bankrobber are you still supposed to respect them? The Bible says, "Honor thy mother and thy father".. skuderjaymes retorts, "Be they honorable!"

-my 2 cents..

I totally agree. Respect is a two way street. My parents and grandparents were respectable people and I kind of grew up the way Kyooms spoke of except in some cases my grand parents (when I was at their home) expected me to be a part of certain conversations they talked alot about politics, history culture and of course the behavior of our people. Of course I didnt engage in grown folks private conversations even if it right out in the open (LOL). None the less parents have to act reasonable and respect their children's rights as individuals i.e the right to disagree with and ask questions about certain things. I have 2 children and I try not to come off as a bully because there is a difference between being a bully and a disciplinarian. When my 4 year old asks questions about certain things I explain why he has to do them the way I told him or why he cant have or do something, other wise he would have a limited understanding of things that he really should know about. Example, he might ask "why cant I have cake?" or "Why cant I watch tv right now?" I explain instead of just saying "because I said so" I hated being told that and was tired of hearing it as a kid, it made no sense then and it still doesnt today. Now of course I dont explain every single detail for everything because he obviously has a limited capacity to understand at his age. Even so, I believe in giving reasons for what I do and say because I have my reasons and not just because "I said so", how else are they gonna learn? This is why so many kids go to school with out a clue because no one took the time to explain anything they just tell em "cuz I said so" for everything. I had friends who had parents like that, just glad they werent mine lol.

 

[bitsy]

Respect is like an attitude, it's the way a child says something. I don't think it's disrespectful to disagree with someone, even if it's child to parents, but people have to learn tactful ways to say things . . . it's an art. If a message is coming from a place of love and value, then I think it's ok.