Black Relationships : Pre-Relationship Expectations of Black Men

[Kemetstry]

Fellas, I would like to ask you a few questions that may be a bit personal. This thread is meant to offer us men a chance to express their core beliefs regarding women and to offer the ladies a chance to inquire about those beliefs to be enlightened and a bit more empowered to be better partners in black relationships.

All I ask is that the dialogue is honest, respectful, and as loving as possible. I think we can all agree that we all want black love to be better and held in higher regard. Here we go.

1 - Name three qualities that a woman must possess if he is interested in dating you and why those qualities are important to you.

2 - What three qualities in a woman would cause you to reject the idea of dating him?

3 - Name three important things you expect to happen in a relationship (marital hopes not included) and why they are important.

4 - Name two ways you can tell a woman is a real woman and how those two things tie into your belief of what a real woman is.

5 - What is your belief about relationships and money? Where did you learn that belief?

6 - What is your belief about sex in relationships? Where did you learn that belief?

7 - What is your idea of a good relationship? Where did you learn that idea?

8 - What is your idea of a good marriage? Where did you learn that idea?

9 - Under what conditions in a relationship would you expect marriage to become an upcoming reality?

10 - What two negative traits would you consider overlooking for the outweighing positive traits or working with a sista to overcome? Why?

11 - What two negative traits do you possess that you want a woman to be able to acept or work with you to overcome? Why?

Finally...

12 - Name two things a woman can do in a relationship and in a marriage to make you feel completely secure in them.

Brothas, I know that your answers will be interesting and I look forward to us giving much insight to our sisters.

1. She must have a strong sense of self security. An insecure female comes with a lot of issues and drama. She must have a moral code. ( Know GOD, etc. I'm not into anything goes babe ) She must be able to cook. If she cant feed herself or me, she is no more than a dependent or spendthrift. She has a have a sense of humor. Especially about herself. Been with a female that couldnt laugh. It was unnerving. She must have both common sense and decency. This should be self explanatory.

2. Skanky-read: loud, ignorant, no class, etc and proud of it. Stubborn about it. Substance abuse!

3. She has to care about me. Honesty. Give me a reason to care about her

4. Her honesty and her moral code

5. We both should have some. In this economy, that may be tough. But she cant be lazy/triffling. Mom

6. I prefer hot and heavy. Myself over the years ;- p

7. When I start planning my life with her in mind. Little to no drama. Fun. I learned this from my family and life experiences

8. When we start planning our lives with each other in mind. Little to no drama. Fun. See #7

9. When I cant see my future without her

10. Foot in mouth disease and being bad with money. But only if they have shown a willingness to admit they are wrong and follow sound advice.

11. I cant iron to save my life. I will drop my clothes and shoes anywhere and expect them to be there when I go back looking for them. I know. Mom couldnt beat it out of me

12. Inspire me to be better than I am for their sake. Make me proud. Cook like granny

 

[NyneElementz]

I just want to take this opportunity to thank the brothers who have responded. I appreciate that you were not afraid to speak your mind and your heart.

For those of you who have not answered yet, or are pondering the questions before you answer, I thank you and encourage you to speak what it really on your heart. Many need to hear what your voices sould like again, brothers.

 

[baller]

i like this. i think it could have become a very good tool in discussing the why's of our responses but it didn't go there. what we have to take into account is that every time we discuss the male likes/dislikes, there are some out there listening...taking into account the things being said. and we should answer honestly...and not how we would want others to view us. if we don't like how we answer a question, then we should look at ourselves...and try to make some changes...'til we like the answer we give. none of us are perfect...and shouldn't be held to that measuring stick. WE HAVE FLAWS. ALL OF US. the question should be, "can i deal with this individual...with the flaws he/she have?" but they won't know, if we're not honest about who we are. if we go into relationships with false impressions, when the REAL comes out, no one is going to be happy.

me...i have issues. i know that.

fortunately, i have someone who accepts me...knowing my issues. and we're happy.

 

[Corvo]

1 - Name three qualities that a woman must possess if she is interested in dating you and why those qualities are important to you. Attractive, likes to dance, good sense of herself, loves to make love, intelligent and aware of their communications skills.

2 - What three qualities in a woman would cause you to reject the idea of dating him? Unattractive, overweight, not very aware of how she presents herself, Lacks any interest, has no idea of what she wants. A liar.

3 - Name three important things you expect to happen in a relationship (marital hopes not included) and why they are important. An honest give and take approach, Great lovemaking, a compatible awareness of politics.

4 - Name two ways you can tell a woman is a real woman and how those two things tie into your belief of what a real woman is. All women are real, It’s all a matter of if I like what is before me. I don't like negative over dramatic people.

5 - What is your belief about relationships and money? Where did you learn that belief? I do my money, you do your money till and if we get married and have children. From practical experience.

6 - What is your belief about sex in relationships? Where did you learn that belief?
Making love is a natural extension of being in an intimate relationship, With out it, there is not much point to being in one. Unless one has committed to a marriage and children….. Practical experience..

7 - What is your idea of a good relationship? Where did you learn that idea?
A couple who share many things in common, share many views and goals. Are comfortable being together in the thick and thin of what life throws at you.

8 - What is your idea of a good marriage? Where did you learn that idea? Same as above, plus having a good roll model for my children…..

9 - Under what conditions in a relationship would you expect marriage to become an upcoming reality? If we both felt it was working and we wanted to have children.

10 - What two negative traits would you consider overlooking for the outweighing positive traits or working with a sister to overcome? Why? Wow, it would all depended on the woman. If the negative is a small matter and they can be easaly overlooked.

11 - What two negative traits do you possess that you want a woman to be able to accept or work with you to overcome? Why? I snore loudly, and am forgetful of little things at times.

Finally...

12 - Name two things a woman can do in a relationship and in a marriage to make you feel completely secure in them. Being honest of who she is, knowing her limitations, and not expecting me to be perfect in all situations.

I wanted to add, cause I’m not your average man. I have bean a wild man (adventurous in the wilderness). I'm not a conformist to the ways of mainstream Amerikkka. I’m a self thought man for the most part. I denounced the god of the middle east when I was nine. A woman would have to be very adventurous to want to be with me….

 

[Kemetstry]

i like this. i think it could have become a very good tool in discussing the why's of our responses but it didn't go there. what we have to take into account is that every time we discuss the male likes/dislikes, there are some out there listening...taking into account the things being said. and we should answer honestly...and not how we would want others to view us. if we don't like how we answer a question, then we should look at ourselves...and try to make some changes...'til we like the answer we give. none of us are perfect...and shouldn't be held to that measuring stick. WE HAVE FLAWS. ALL OF US. the question should be, "can i deal with this individual...with the flaws he/she have?" but they won't know, if we're not honest about who we are. if we go into relationships with false impressions, when the REAL comes out, no one is going to be happy.

me...i have issues. i know that.

fortunately, i have someone who accepts me...knowing my issues. and we're happy.

I dont she or any of them want to know the whys. They are looking for a reference point to shag a mate


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