Black Relationships : Take The Pre-Marital Challenge!

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Mike Ramey, Aug 23, 2002.

  1. Mike Ramey

    Mike Ramey Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Jul 26, 2002
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    Hey fam! On one of my other writing groups, Felicia Pinkney came up with her own 'list' of questions that women need to ask WELL before they say 'I DO!' Figured that it would be great to have it brought here...


    Many of us grew up believing that Cinderella and Prince Charming lived ``happily ever after.'' However, many don't realize what goes on after AFTER. Anyway, as married folks, a friend and I tossed around a lot of things that we just hadto share with folks who may be contemplating marriage. These need to be discussed long before you say ''I do.'' NOTE: Some of these things may or may not be covered in premarital counseling. Also, for the married folks who receive this e-mail, I'm sure we didn't cover all the bases. If you'd need to add a few, feel free.

    (1) If you're Baptist and he's a Jehovah's Witness, what religion will you practice?

    (2) Which place of worship will you attend?

    (3) How does each of you handle bill-paying?

    (4) If she makes more money than you, is that going to deflate your ego or make you feel less manly?

    (5) Do you like to save money for a rainy day while it burns a hole in her pocket?

    (6) How will we buy a house if we both have bad credit?

    (7) Am I willing to please my man sexually or do I let him know (AFTER we get married) that I don't particularly care for sex?

    (8) He likes this, this and this ---- all of which are things I can'tSTAND!!!!! My mama ain't never got involved with such things as doin' whatever HE enjoys. Therefore, I won't. He gon' have to accept ME for ME! (keep in mind, mama been divorced twice and is STILL single, tryin' to play the field, or play God, one of the two)

    (9) Yes, I can wash dishes and cook. Yes, I can wash the clothes. Those are all important (to me). But am I strong enough spiritually to understand that those may not be at the top of HIS list of priorities for us?

    (10)I know the Bible says women are to OBEY their husbands. But frankly, I don't think that's fair. He don't do this and he don't do that. Therefore, until he changes FIRST, then I'm gonna do whatever I want, whenever I want.

    (11)I wanna have a child. Everybody else has children except me.

    (12) I love this part of the country. But he loves another part of the country. He's ready to move, but I wanna stay. I may leave with him, but I'ma fight him tooth and nail!!

    (13) How do you handle disagreements? Do you blow up and start a ruckus, or do you just sit quietly until things just kinda blow over?

    (14) Do you thinks disagreements/problem go away if you just ignore them, or do you discuss them with your mate and try to find a solution?

    (15) Are you willing to compromise on some things, or do you pout till you get your way?

    (16) What do you do when your spouse locks you outta the hizzouse? Do you rip the door off the hinges? Do you send a foreign object crashing through the window? Do you just sit back and pray and fall asleep in the car until the next morning? Do you file for a divorce?

    (17) What do you do when YOU'VE said all YOU'RE gonna say about a
    disagreement, but your spouse is all up in your face, invading your space and doin' everything humanly AND immortally possible to make you step outside of the Spirit to handle matters as the average person would in the flesh?

    (18) What do you do when your spouse asks you: "How would you like it if 'I' did that?" or "How would you like it if 'I' just went somewhere and left you?"

    (19) What do you do when you pray for a "change in (your spouse's) heart" and nothing happens?

    (20) What do you do when you're in the mood for intimacy and "knowing," and your spouse totally ignores you? Do you get indignant? Do you reminisce about the times (before marriage) when you NEVER had these issues? Do you yield to temptation and accept an offer from elsewhere to meet that need you wanted met at home? What do you do? Do you pray? Look for a lawyer?

    (21) What if you want children and she doesn't?

    Some good stuff to think about, brothers...whether you are married or single. That's why we have friends...they 'fill in the blanks' where there are question marks. Felicia was kind enough to pass this on to me, and my group...and I wanted to pass it on to you.

    Brothers, WE aren't the only ones with questions before popping the question. Our future wives have a lot of questions, too.

    Mike Ramey:heart: :love: