Black Relationships : Pre-Relationship Expectations of Black Women

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by NyneElementz, Sep 24, 2011.

  1. NyneElementz

    NyneElementz Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Ladies, I would like to ask you a few questions that may be a bit personal. This thread is meant to offer the ladies a chance to express their core beliefs regarding men and to ofer the men a chance to inquire about those beliefs to be enlightened and a bit more empowered to be better partners in black relationships.

    All I ask is that the dialogue is honest, respectful, and as loving as possible. I think we can all agree that we all want black love to be better and held in higher regard. Here we go.

    1 - Name three qualities that a man must possess if he is interested in dating youand why those qualities are important to you.

    2 - What three wualities in a man would cause you to reject the idea of dating him?

    3 - Name three important things you expect to happen in a relationship (marital hopes not included) and why they are important.

    4 - Name two ways you can tell a man is a real man and how those two things tie into your belief of what a real man is.

    5 - What is your belief about relationships and money? Where did you learn that belief?

    6 - What is your belief about sex in relationships? Where did you learn that belief?

    7 - What is your idea of a good relationship? Where did you learn that idea?

    8 - What is your idea of a good marriage? Where did you learn that idea?

    9 - Under what conditions in a relationship would you expect marriage to become an upcoming reality?

    10 - What two negative traits would you consider overlooking for the outweighing positive traits or working with him to overcome? Why?

    11 - What two negative traits do you possess that you want a man to be able to acept or work with you to overcome? Why?

    Finally...

    12 - Name two things a man can do in a relationship and in a marriage to make you feel completely secure in them.

    Ladies, I am very interested in reading your answers and look forward to gaining much insight into the heart of my sisters.
     
  2. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    with all the questions women have asked about relationships, i'm surprised they haven't attacked this thread with a vengeance. what i've found is that a lot of women DO NOT KNOW how to express their desires, or expectations, when it comes to a serious relationship with a man. even during a one-on-one conversation, when asked what they would like for him to do, their response is sometimes: WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING IS FINE WITH ME. or, KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING. it's hard to get to know a woman, or to determine what is good for you both, when you--the woman--are unable to define your wants, desires, or needs.

    KNOW THY SELF.
     
  3. NyneElementz

    NyneElementz Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    As much as I agree, baller, let's give the ladies a fair chance to search themselves and then express themselves. It takes more than a few days for us men to really define and express ourselves sometimes. And in all truth, it would be unfair to our sistas to judge them over the lack of responses. Besides, judgmental statements will kill the opportunity for the sistas to voice themselves because of offense. Give 'em a chance, bro, give 'em a chance.
     
  4. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    again, i am surprised that this questionnaire didn't receive any attention from the ladies. not to be too judgmental, but if a thread is posted concerning men, women will sometimes beat it to death if men don't respond...saying that men are too afraid to step up. yet, here is an opportunity for men and women to talk about relationship issues and the women are refusing to step up.

    i'm just surprised.
     
  5. NyneElementz

    NyneElementz Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    WOW!!!

    Disappointing.

    :(
     
  6. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Dont be. The facts are, there are very good reasons that so many females will end up alone. Moreover, that many will NEVER marry. If you ask a bunch of sisters, what is it about them that will draw Mr. Right or even Mr RightNow to them and make him stay. ~90% cant give an answer. It is said that the female of the species are the communicators. I havent seen any evidence of this on such a basic level. Now granted, it just may be this bunch of females dont see the need. But I doubt thats it





    ..
     
  7. NyneElementz

    NyneElementz Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I can't help but to feel a little disappointment. The truth is that I have always loved my sisters. I've watched them take on ideas from others, cosign with ideas and concepts that have been introduced to them in many ways. I've heard the many complaints and cries that they are not heard. So when I present a question like this where my sisters are given the chance to be heard, I'm looking forward to the answers with excitement and wonder, because these are our sisters, the mothers of our children, the ones we look to as possible wives, etc. And the silence is heart-breaking-ly deafening!! What else can I feel but disappointment?
     
  8. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Keep coming up with topics. Maybe one day, the light will come on







    ..
     
  9. bobbie

    bobbie Member MEMBER

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    to many questions to answer :(
     
  10. Yaminah

    Yaminah Member MEMBER

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    I am going to answer these questions based on MY opinions and how I feel.

    1. (a) A man must know who he is. (b) Be confident in himself (c) Able to admit when he is wrong
    The reason I chose these attributes is because a man who has no Knowledge of who he is, shows a lack of character. How can you be the head if you don't know your position? Confidence was chosen because a self-confident man will walk with his head up. His presence will be felt when he walks into a room. The last was chosen because in every relationship there will be some form of strife. If a person cannot admit when they are wrong, then they have declares themselves as perfection, which does not exist a person.
    2. (a) Arrogance (b) lack of intelligence (c) Sloppy (d) Liar (e) A cheater (f) A man who jokes too much. Oh sorry, you said only 3...lol
    3. What I would expect in a relationship is to see growth. If two people cannot elevate within the relationship, then it has become stagnated.
    4. What makes a man a man? WOW okay, let's see if I can answer this. A real man knows when to be quiet and listen. There are times when a woman needs to vent and requires a listening ear. A real man knows how to cook (yeah i figured I would throw that one in there..lol) A real man knows how to be vulnerable and not allow it to challenge his manhood. Also, a real man knows how to make his Queen feel as if she is the only woman in existence.
    5. Money and relationships can be controversial. Especially if the two, intertwine too quickly. In a marriage, everything should be shared. In a relationship outside of marriage, the couple has to do what they think fits them. Whether separate accounts and one joint for the bills or just join mutually. It all depends on the circumstances.
    6. A relationship should be founded on a friendship before sex even comes in the equation. Too many times, brothers and sisters mistake lust for love and once the lust has been fulfilled then the relationship usually comes to an end.
    7. My idea of a good relationship is where he is my best friend. A person that I can tell everything to, without judgement or backlash. A person who I can share not just my bed with but can pal around and watch a JETS game together. A good relationship requires a lot of give and take.
    8. A good marriage stands the test of time.
    9. There is no right or wrong time for marriage. Two people can meet and a month later get married and stay committed for years. Whereas a couple can meet and date for years and as soon as marriage happens, the relationship is ruined. Once again, it all depends on the people.
    10. This is not a fair question, let me tell you why. I cannot say what I would accept until I am in a situation that needs to be evaluated.
    11. Me? Negative traits? I don't have any...lol. Seriously, I can be a bit demanding and I know that about myself. Now when I say demanding, I don't mean bossy. What I am eluding to is, I look for things to be done in decency and order. There is a time and place for everything. When things are out of sorts, I will make sure that it is put how it should be. I can also be very vocal. No I don't have all the answers but you can bet that my opinion will be heard. And sometimes, not quietly.
    12. Predictability, for me, creates stability. A little spontaneity is good once in a while but I like to know things are on an even keel. With that, a man who confesses his love often.

    Now, I have answered all of the questions and my beliefs are based on what I was taught by my mother and my aunts growing up. I hope these answers create a dialog among brothers and sisters.
     
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