Black People : Where is all the negativity coming from for the new year?

[Blackbird]

Ankhur,

I couldn't help but think this was a swipe:

"why would folks not be here for long periods of time and swoop in and say Black community development is a "party line" or someone's pet agenda, when all of the Black leaders are on the payroll and the community is like a hospital with no doctors or nurses?"

Hopefully, it's not especially on a thread discussing negativity. Please clarify if you can Black man.

Thanks in the spirit of Black community development.

Tuhwi

 

[skuderjaymes]

I understand you with that; however, some people take someone "not following the party line" or not taking the popular route as spreading the seeds of division and conflict.

Challenge to someone's thoughts and opinions is healthy. It becomes unhealthy once the challenge goes personal and attacks on personal integrity or sincerity come into play. In this thing, you can be neither friend or foe. Just be someone trying to make sense of how you personally view the world and make your contribution the best way you see it.

That's life. When I die, I could care less how the next person viewed me - my only concern is did I stay true to myself and live my life as the person I am rather than the classification people made me out to be. Too some - you will be a hater, an unconscious negro, a shucking and jiving coon, a race-traitor, an ignorant colored and to others - a revolutionary mind and advocate for change, a nation-builder, a self-sacrificing matyr. Yet, regardless of the definitions, you are only you.

Tuhwi

yeah.. but there's such a thing as tact.. and tact is invoked out of a general
sense of respect for others.. outside of whatever the issue or opinion is..
tactfulness is the difference between fighting and healthy conversation.
When I die, I won't care about anything either.. but I'm not dead yet, and I care
about the people I'm talking to.. even though I don't know them.. and they
may all be part of some giant computer simulation designed to keep me from
doing other stuff.. even with that conspiracy theory thrown in there, I still
care about the way I come across. It's not all about me. It's also about the
group.

I've been living for a while, so some of these things that may appear
to be new to some of the younger folks, are not at all new to me and some
of the older folks.. so, their is some perspective their..and their is a patience
there also.. and that patience allows me to listen.. and to respond in appropriate
ways.. I have an opinion about everything.. and there are conversations
going on all over the place where I disagree with the entire premise and everything
that every single person in the thread has said.. even people I like. So, what
I do is I stay out of those conversations. No words. No thankyous. No
subscriptions.. No reactionary threads.. Nothing. Just keep it moving. I go
on and do something different. Write a poem, skip to another topic, etc..
and later when that old topic has died down.. I may start a new thread that
frames the issue in, what I believe, is a more appropriate way.. And I do that
without ever mentioning the other thread. There's no need for the conflict.
And that's not because I'm against conflict.. It's because, it's not what I
come here for. and that's a key point..

the majority of the conflicts that I see occur between folks that
have come here for different reasons. To some it's purely entertainment..
to others it's to say what they gotta say.. to others it's to listen..
to lurk and say nothing.. and to others it's to interact with old friends
or to make new friends.. and still others.. to confront some
other side of an issue close to their heart.. and those folks get on here
just lash out at everybody and everything.. trying to make this thing do
stuff it wasn't made to do.. so, their are differing levels of intensity and
meaning.. that result in conflict.. I've been in a couple of conflicts myself,
but I have side-stepped a great deal many more conflicts than I have
participated in. So, if a thread is going and it's all handshakes and amens
all-around, why mess with it? Let them have their resonance and go find
your own. and by "you", I mean me. then we all can feel good even though
we don't agree. You and Astrologer are right, we don't have to agree, but
we don't have to disagree either..


blkbutterfly and I have had disagreements way before either of us
came to Destee.. but the respectful way we dealt with each other allowed
the clash to happen between our points of view and not our personal selves.
so there was no tension there. Through mutual respect we can go forward
with a better understanding of eachothers meanings and stylings, etc..
but, if you don't care about what anybody thinks or feels, then it would
be really difficult to build the kind of rapport that's necessary for real
dialogue. It's like the boy who cried wolf.. people just stopped listening to
him after a while.. and when he finally had something to say, everybody
was like.. whatever..​

 

[MRS. LADY]

Negativity depends on the interpreter.... I don't know why folks is crying in this thread about the negativity taking place here as if none of them themselves have ever been involved in negativity here at this site...LOL Serioulsy, if we learn to move on while having a few laughs, I don't see what would be negative about anything.

Skuderjames, you can start with re befriending Cherryblossom and I can start with trying to be friends with Mrs. Lady but I tell you this, although I am open to befriending her, it don't mean that I agree with the stuff she be running around here saying. And, it don't mean that we may never have it out with each other again either. If anyone around here thinks that this site being positive means that no one should argue or disagree, they are sadly mistaken. Negativity depends on the interpeter. If anyone is holding grudges against anyone, there is bound to be negativity in a negative way. And yes, there is a such thing as negativity in a positive way.





Astrologer4U

First and foremost let me tell you that I hold and harbour no grudges because it is not productive to the building of myself

Secondly my Kulture is my Kulture, and my faith is my faith, and my spiritual family is my spiritual family

I am free to say what I say without your consent or not, it doesn't make or break me

I define "friend" in my own way, and you don't even like me, so why even make a public fraud of your own intentions

I don't like it when people and that's anyone takes cheap shots at MY teacha and future husband, and truly if we really were "friends" the immature me (past me) would have already puched you in ur face

I am beyond that now, and have grown, and I'm not going to pretend that I like you or have any desire to be your friend when I don't

that is not negative persay

it's called being honest with myself, and transferring the essence of my being, which is love, to what I love, and that is KRS and Hiphop, and since I can find myself in anything my love is always unconditional

and truthfully if you wasn't stuck on me you wouldn't be bringing me into a thread that has nothing to do with me

much peace and love to you

I don't make nice nice with those who seek to destroy

Now, if you would keep my name out your mouth, as it is too much to swallow I will respect your space, and please respect mine

and please don't take this personal cause it's not, just keeping it real with how I feel about you, and I'm just not feeling you

and maybe u can understand this... i'm a flakey pices, and will switch up on u quick if u keep talking about Kris....

I have no shame in my "game", and no doubts about my reality or myself or what I am capable of

Your lil anger and jealousy just makes u vibrate at a human rate, so I don't expect that you understand me, nor do I even really care about what you think of me

I wish you nothing but happiness and love on your journey, but i don't do fake sorry

now my apologies to Destee if this commentary is more then deemed necessary by this site

 

[MRS. LADY]

yeah.. but there's such a thing as tact.. and tact is invoked out of a general
sense of respect for others.. outside of whatever the issue or opinion is..
tactfulness is the difference between fighting and healthy conversation.
When I die, I won't care about anything either.. but I'm not dead yet, and I care
about the people I'm talking to.. even though I don't know them.. and they
may all be part of some giant computer simulation designed to keep me from
doing other stuff.. even with that conspiracy theory thrown in there, I still
care about the way I come across. It's not all about me. It's also about the
group.

I've been living for a while, so some of these things that may appear
to be new to some of the younger folks, are not at all new to me and some
of the older folks.. so, their is some perspective their..and their is a patience
there also.. and that patience allows me to listen.. and to respond in appropriate
ways.. I have an opinion about everything.. and there are conversations
going on all over the place where I disagree with the entire premise and everything
that every single person in the thread has said.. even people I like. So, what
I do is I stay out of those conversations. No words. No thankyous. No
subscriptions.. No reactionary threads.. Nothing. Just keep it moving. I go
on and do something different. Write a poem, skip to another topic, etc..
and later when that old topic has died down.. I may start a new thread that
frames the issue in, what I believe, is a more appropriate way.. And I do that
without ever mentioning the other thread. There's no need for the conflict.
And that's not because I'm against conflict.. It's because, it's not what I
come here for. and that's a key point..

the majority of the conflicts that I see occur between folks that
have come here for different reasons. To some it's purely entertainment..
to others it's to say what they gotta say.. to others it's to listen..
to lurk and say nothing.. and to others it's to interact with old friends
or to make new friends.. and still others.. to confront some
other side of an issue close to their heart.. and those folks get on here
just lash out at everybody and everything.. trying to make this thing do
stuff it wasn't made to do.. so, their are differing levels of intensity and
meaning.. that result in conflict.. I've been in a couple of conflicts myself,
but I have side-stepped a great deal many more conflicts than I have
participated in. So, if a thread is going and it's all handshakes and amens
all-around, why mess with it? Let them have their resonance and go find
your own. and by "you", I mean me. then we all can feel good even though
we don't agree. You and Astrologer are right, we don't have to agree, but
we don't have to disagree either..


blkbutterfly and I have had disagreements way before either of us
came to Destee.. but the respectful way we dealt with each other allowed
the clash to happen between our points of view and not our personal selves.
so there was no tension there. Through mutual respect we can go forward
with a better understanding of eachothers meanings and stylings, etc..
but, if you don't care about what anybody thinks or feels, then it would
be really difficult to build the kind of rapport that's necessary for real
dialogue. It's like the boy who cried wolf.. people just stopped listening to
him after a while.. and when he finally had something to say, everybody
was like.. whatever..​

Much Respect

I would love to hear your views on the origin of forgive and forget because I have a feeling we proly share in those views

In my time I've learned that respect is no different then give and receive, you get what you give

I view every altercation as you (me) battling you (myself)

when I see a reflection of the me that I will never be, I confront it, I bind it and I grow, and so long as I am growing I am in harmony with the purpose of the universe

I'm really glad that your here

 

[Astrologer4U]

good intentions duly noted..

I'm a firm believer that life teaches you the same lessons again and again
until you learn em.. until you learn them... the idea that one should just
forgive for forgiveness's sake, is, to my way of thinking, twisted.. but listen
my way of thinking has been custom made from my own experiences in life.
And it works for me.. and I think if we each trust each other to do what
works for them, we'll all be fine..

I have a conversational style and general outlook that naturally conflicts
with certain folks.. once, I realize who those folks are, I steer clear of
them.. that's what my life has taught me to do. And that's not a grudge..
that's the application of learning.. and is effective.

I could go into where I believe that whole forgive and forget notion of
forgiveness comes from.. and I could go into what I think it's for, but I think
we all know.. My memory is my primary asset and I never forget anything..
never.. reconcile--yes.. forget--no.. never. I don't call that holding a
grudge, I call it being responsible.

Oh no, that is not what I meant at all. I would never insist that anyone forgive and forget. I am a black woman, a real black woman so I am a living witness on how important it is to never forget. Forgiving is another thing for me though, because even if I forgive, it doesn't mean that I trust the individual that I am forgiving, it just means that I forgive the person for not knowing how to control themselves but from now on, I will control how I deal with them, because I now have the upper hand in knowing what they are about.

There was a thread here some time back where we talked about letting certain things go amongst each other as black people because if we didn't, we would not be able to be friends, assistants, associates and so forth with each other at all. Honestly speaking, there is not one person in my life that I can think of that does not get on my nerves. Can you think of anyone in your life that does not get on your nerves? Here is the thing, what can we tolerate and not tolerate in each other? I can't tolerate anyone questioning and testing my intelligence which is most important to me if I am going to have respect for anyone. So, anyone who tries to do that to me, I will keep my eye out on them but that doesn't mean that I harbor anything against them, it just means that I will control how I deal with them. To some people, that method is a method which may be a waste of time, to some people, they feel as though anyone who has to be watched out for just needs to be cut loose. I say that cutting people loose, especially our own people is admitting to failurer, that black people are not willing to invest in each other enough time to try and get back or get to the way that things should be when it comes to black families, associates, friends or what have you. Here is another question to ponder though, can you think of anyone outside of your child perhaps that you don't have to watch for??? Heck, I even have to watch out for my own mother.

I hope that from showing how I am in control of how I deal with people, that those black people I invest time in, will learn from me. They don't have to learn right away but at least I am planting the seeds, investing the time in the fact that someday, they will get it and I will also get something from them. After all, when one plants a seed and the seed grows, one gets back all that one put into planting that seed, when the seed gets to harvest.


SkuderJaymes, I think that you are a nice person and I respect the way that you present and handle yourself. To be honest, I can't see why anyone would have a problem with you, particularly on line... go figure. Quite honestly, a lot of the stuff that happens here at Destee.com is comedy at best and is something that we should learn from, but never see as a complete reality when it comes to black people. From what I have seen in real life and from time to time here at Destee.com, is, for the most part, black people do stick together. If only we could see that instead of only seeing the negative aspects.



Astrologer4U