Black Relationships : What are your thoughts on interracial dating?

[morenaseis]

>>>>My cousin thinks the same way you do and she is single fair in complexion, long waist length hair.Can you beleive that all the wrong types of black men ask her out, they can't say her hair is fake as many of them claim they can't stand but she run into the ones that like to play with life and are not serious?>>>>>>>>>
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Luckily your cousin has figured it out in time. It took my enitre twenties before I figured it out. Many (not all) black men were with me because I was "close enough to white"!! It was inconceivable to me, that a man I perceived as so beautiful could actually look at me and see his reflection. Since I was a reflection of him (black), he could never give me what I needed since he hated his own reflection. I personally "feel" my race (unlike many of the new NEO biracials raised by these "self hating" men and their scared delusional white wives) and it knocks me out to see black men run over beautiful black women for a white woman. I have seen black men overseas, leave the side of stunning professional black women for the first bruised and skinny white prostitute they could find. Oh, and don't go to Canada with a group of black men, they lose their minds!!

I truly believe that the white woman is not the problem. She should be pitied since she (in many cases) is gaining an emtpy pit of a man that hates his own skin color. He is a man that is using her as a piece of status and as a tophy (I know, I can relate!).

I had an Asian friend ask me "why do I not see black men date black women??"....LOL. I was floored and didn't know what to say at first!!!

I was at an establishment not too long ago and a very nice looking black man sat next to me. He immediatley started telling me why he didn't like dating BLACK WOMEN!!! I guess he ASSUMED I was latin...lol....Assumption being the lowest form of intelligence, he was quickly dismissed and I had a bad taste in my mouth. If any of the white men I ever dated, would ever dog his entire race of women, he would have been dumped in a fat second.

Anyway, I don't believe in excluding black men, but black women NEED to open up their options!! Black men are not waiting for them.

Cya,

mseis

 

[auset]

I'd have to say that I don't like the idea of interracial relationship, though I am not in control of the men and women who indulge in this practice. I feel as though only a Black man is able to understand the strife that I face being on a daily. If I'm married to a White man and I have a hard day on my job due to some racial issues, I don't think that I could come home and my White husband understand totally what I am feeling. There is too much having to explain the situation there. On the other hand, if this were a Black man that I was married to he would need no breaking it down for him, for he already knows what I'm going through.

Although I would love to see more Black on Black love, I cannot control the masses...what a **** shame!

 

[Sista Steele]

I am a product of an interratial marriage. I don't look mixed, I look black. I don't have "good" hair, so for the most part people always say something when they see my white parent.

I love black men. I've tried being with a white man (two in fact) and it's definitely a different experience. White people don't smell the same as us because of the different types of foods they eat along with skin care, hair care, etc. They also haven't experienced the same issues so relating to us is a little difficult.

When I see people of different races together, it upsets me because they never think of the children they may have and how it will effect them. I choose to date within my race so that my children will not be confused about what they are nor will they be subject to critizisim that society will inflict.

People in interratial relationships need to get a grip and stop being so selfish. If you have children they will grow up with issues from not being accepted by either race.

 

[morenaseis]

An AOL website claims that most white females that make over 50K a year don't want to date black men. That's probably true, but I'm not particularly surprised or concerned. As a black woman, I'm more concerned with black men who refuse to date other black women.

Is love blind?

A few years ago, I met a very attractive, articulate, professional black man at a charity event. I was so excited to meet him that night that I even added a comment about him during the speech I gave later that evening.

Following the speech, I eagerly approached him at his table. He smiled and we talked for a moment before he politely introduced me to his girlfriend. I was disappointed that he was involved in a relationship, and to be honest, I was even more disappointed that his partner was a very, very average looking white woman.

Despite my disappointment, we exchanged business cards and agreed to stay in touch, which we did. Over the years, my new friend told me about the difficulties of his relationship. His girlfriend apparently had repeatedly cheated on him, which actually surprised me. From my perspective, the girlfrien definintley had the better end of the deal. She had no reason to be cheating on my friend.

For the life of me, I could not understand why my friend was so upset about the end of this relationship. From my narrow perspective, he should have been happy to be free to find a better partner. But love doesn't let go easily. My friend was heartbroken, and I was confused.

I had tried to make my friend into something he wasn't. I had wanted him to date black women also, like himself, but he seemed so uninterested. I had learned something new about interracial dating. Some black men simply aren't interested in other black women.

Another friend, a successful black professional, often complained to me that he could not find black women of his "caliber." Black women, he said, were often loud and difficult and uneducated with 2 or 3 children. After searching for a year or two, he settled down in a relationship with a white woman who worked as a nurses assistant. It seems my friend was actually less interested in his partner's caliber than in his race.

Why couldn't he just tell the truth? He did not want to date a black women!! He wanted a white woman instead. To catch his eye, a black woman would have to be twice as gorgeous and twice as successful as an average white woman!!!

A sensitive issue

Although some would prefer to sweep the issue under the rug, interracial dating is still a very controversial subject in the black community. Yet anyone who dares to question almost any form of interracial dating is immediately challenged, criticized and dismissed by the "PC police." Those involved in interracial relationships are often the most sensitive about the issue when questions are raised.

For the record, I think adults should be free to date whoever they want. I have dated a virtual rainbow coalition of men in my life, including blacks, whites, Latinos and Asian-Americans. Today I prefer white men, but I would not entirely rule out the possibility of dating someone of my own race.

Interracial dating doesn't bother me. Nor am I bothered by segregated dating, as when whites prefer other whites or blacks prefer other blacks. I think this is a natural extension of our comfort levels with people like ourselves. Nevertheless, such preferences — particularly when they become absolute exclusions — could reflect some level of sel loathing.

Why do we exclude our own?

What does concern me is when black men consciously choose not to date other black women. I can understand when a black man dates outside of his race. I cannot understand when a black man refuses to date within his race. Such exclusion, it seems to me, is rooted in deep self hatred.

A few years ago I met an attractive black man in Los Angeles. "I usually don't date black women," he told me, "but I find you intriguing." I guess he thought I should be flattered, but instead I was disturbed. Rather than see me as his equal, he saw me as some sort of scientific oddity.

Of course there are intelligent black women out there. Anear black men announce they've "given up on black women!!!" after an unsuccessful relationship. "Black men have too many issues," one white woman told me.

All relationships have issues. In fact, interracial relationships must often navigate through difficult questions of racial comfort and sincerity that don't appear in most same-race relationships. In interracial dating, we often find ourselves asking, "Does this person see beyond my race or will he show his true colors when the chips are down?"

Whatever issues white men face, self hatred is not one of them when it comes to their racial identity. That's why I'm more concerned about black men excluding other blacks than I am about white men excluding other whites from their respective dating pools.

In a culture that devalues black males and elevates white males, it is not likely that white male racial self-exclusion is rooted in self hatred than it would be with black males. After all, white men have no reason to hate themselves in a society that reinforces their privilege. Black men, on the other hand, are repeatedly assaulted by messages that communicate our alleged inferiority.

Let's face it — why should I chase somebody who doesn't want me? I have no interest in spending my time trying to get a prejudiced black man to look at me in a bar . I'd rather spend my time talking to that cute, intelligent white man. A man that doesn't see my color as a stepping stone to ill perceived status!!

 

[Abisha]

you are dropping so much knowleged sister you need to write a book, why should we as black females be punished by our own men, and their insecurities, by remaining unchosen and pick over by them, if we are not picture perfect, they are gone out of the picture of our lives.

monesis you said:In a culture that devalues black males and elevates white males, it is not likely that white male racial self-exclusion is rooted in self hatred than it would be with black males. After all, white men have no reason to hate themselves in a society that reinforces their privilege. Black men, on the other hand, are repeatedly assaulted by messages that communicate our alleged inferiority.

Let's face it — why should I chase somebody who doesn't want me? I say AMEN

I have no interest in spending my time trying to get a prejudiced black man to look at me in a bar . AMEN!!

I'd rather spend my time talking to that cute, intelligent white man. If the black man don't want black,black have to get back and find someone who does...

A man that doesn't see my color as a stepping stone to ill perceived status!! Wow that would be very sad, and sounds like usery and they really would not love you, but love what they think you can accomplish.

Girl you need to publish QUICK!!!