To Spank or Not To Spank

[SayWord]

HerukhuMaat, I don't think adults should be spanked. If you do something wrong at work and your boss spanks you, you need to lay your boss out. You can call me up, I'll help you. But you are an adult, not a child. Some children need to feel it for them to understand. It's not always the parents lack of communication, but sometimes the child's lack of understanding. I work with kids, and I've been around kids that needed to be spanked and around kids that it just took words. Depends on the child. I'm all for spankings as long as the spanker doesn't cross the line into abuse. When I was a kid, I got spanked. I got spanked a couple of times. After a spanking, I never made that mistake again. As I got older, my parents discplined me differently. My mother would bring me into the kitchen and tell me to cook with her while she talked to me about what I did wrong. My father and I would clean together and talk about what I did. After a certain age, spankings weren't nessecary. When I have children, if I have to, I'll spank them. Not because I'm mad that my parents spanked me, but because I see the benefits of it and how it helped me. I'd like to think that I'm a pretty complete and decent person. My parents raised me well. I want to try to raise my children along the same lines that my parents raised me.

 

[HerukhuMaat]

As I got older, my parents discplined me differently. My mother would bring me into the kitchen and tell me to cook with her while she talked to me about what I did wrong. My father and I would clean together and talk about what I did. After a certain age, spankings weren't nessecary. When I have children, if I have to, I'll spank them. Not because I'm mad that my parents spanked me, but because I see the benefits of it and how it helped me. I'd like to think that I'm a pretty complete and decent person. My parents raised me well. I want to try to raise my children along the same lines that my parents raised me.

When you have children, you'll probably think differently.
Now... let's not be silly, I hypothetically made the reference to a boss because they signify an authority figure, not because my boss (I work for myself, by the way) has hit me. It just amazes me how one can hit an innocent defenseless child as a form of discipline. If you hit an adult, an adult would surely hit back, come back and kill you or inform some type of law enforcement authority. Regardless, if it were an adult, there would be some type of ramification.

My parents disciplined me too with the belt. Sometimes it was for things that were simple misunderstandings. When I got beatings I just found more creative ways to trick my parents. I can say beatings only taught me to become a better liar. I also developed some fear for them as well as resentment. Beating someone is usually used when you want to instill fear, to break them down through force. Make your will bend. Beatings also made me defiant to authority and authority figures. I grew up as a good kid. Never stole or been arrested, or in trouble with the law (never even a negative experience with law enforcement). Don't smoke or drink. Did well in school. Started my own business.
I didn't turn out too bad, but imagine what more I could have accomplished
with more understanding and positive reinforcement.

However, I attribute that to good family values,not beatings. In fact I can point to negative experiences and negative personality traits that are a direct cause of fear or defiancy that was a direct result of beatings. My father told me that if he had to do it all over again he wouldn't have administered beatings. He watches my son and I interact and even reminds me to not be so hard on him in some cases. Adults often put adult problems and situations on children.
The realm of the adult and the realm of the child are very different. We have to put ourselves back into the child realm sometimes when relating to our children.

Parents who are obsessive about perfection in children, are being abusive in a different way. They live their lives seeking the acceptance of their parents and burn out very early in life. So what kids need is love, support and attention. Not criticism and abuse.

 

[$$RICH$$]

but it's true some kids need it a little as a parent
it's our means for the best of the child or children
surely mostly everyone has a spanking in life or will
due to some badly acts sometime talking or the right
punishment can help like daydream stated no T.V , outside
or any fun things but sometime it really do help until you
but a belt to their behind .......it's not crul or taking self
anger out on them because i had a wonderful child hood
and i also one that had the teaching from the belt it made
me a better man a very great Father and a heart of goodness
it's all about what we spank our children about and most time
they already know why this spanking is taking place
talking to a child who is bad in school will not make them better
it go in one ear and out the next i know i was one of those kids
but that belt made me get into the books and learn that very
spanking that made me learn is today greatful
i learn to own my own business today
sometime a spanking can save a life ....this a fact
some kids are raised in nice hoods and better living but a
lot of blacks are not so lucky and have to come up in the
danger zones of Drugs , Guns , Gangs , and lot more crap
in the streets so we have to come down to keep our children
from falling by the waste side a spanking can't hurt and later will be thankful not saying beat a child but the belt is alright
for the right reasons .....
we all have different points of view but where i'm from and what
i know my children & grandchildren will know that respect and
learning is the key in life so when they go wrong i will lay the belt to them .....
surely one day they will thank me for it
for not that will run over you in time
peace

 

[CarrieMonet]

My daughter is now 16 years old and hasn't had a spanking since she was 12. She didn't really get spankings much before age 5 but got about 6 good ones between ages 5 and 12. I know for a fact that she fully understood WHY she recieved that type of discipline instead of her usual no tv or extras. I never BEAT my daughter because there was no need to do that. Many times she would be in check with a simple "showing"of the belt.
I have always been able to communicate well with her, and a choice to give her a spanking was more about consequences rather than my parental shortcomings. If she was deliberately disobedient...testing our boundaries, she would get a spanking. It worked wonders as I have not had to discipline her in that way for almost 5 years.
She has a good head on her shoulders, she is approaching womanhood beautifully and I'm proud of the person she is. She is in no rush to be an adult, she is not fast, she does not hang in the streets, and she is enjoying her last few years of childhood.

Some of her friends run away from home, slap and curse their parents, and skip school...and brag about how their parents never spank or discipline them. Those kids are far from INNOCENT and defenseless. Spanking does not equate criticism...and is far from abusive.

 

[$$RICH$$]

indeed very well said i truely agree and i too
didn't have to spank my kids like a daily meal
only when needed my son is 11 and had 3 spanking from
me in his young life but i will bare down when needed
so far he's a good child to be a boy growing up in the
heart of the Gangs & Drugs so i think the few spankings
did him good i just pray he continue his good ways and
stay on the path of GOD