Black Relationships : She said she can't find A GOOD MAN?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Metaverse, Jul 31, 2008.

  1. Metaverse

    Metaverse Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    She got a job making $85,000 a year, so she left the hood. She sacrificed, said to heck with it all and went to school to be a paralegal. Broke Brothas don't interest her anymore. But they show up anyway. "Aye shawtie what it do?" says a grown Man to a grown Woman. His crownrow braids drizzle from the back of his cap. He's got a grill, and nerve. But she's learned a new trick. Rolling her eyes and walking off.

    She leased herself a $40,000 ride. Because she deserved it. She moved way across town into a peaceful middle to upper class community. In a $400,000 4 bedroom house with a 2 car garage, full basement and an open bar. Because she deserved it. She's been in and out of abusive relationships since the age of 12. Now she's 32. Her Father lost his mind and left before she was born, and her Mother lost her right mind after the Father left.

    Up until now life has been a cruel paradise.

    She knows Men wait until she walks away to look at her behind. But she knows no Man is willing to deal with what lays dormant behind it, memories of pain.

    She re-did her entire wardrobe. Shoes to match every single outfit in her closet. Manicures and pedicures every Saturday. Sunday she attends the local Church. They don't worship like Black folks do, but maybe God doesn't notice.

    She has everything her young heart desires. All except a Good Man. Her Jewish neighbors comment about it from time to time. An old couple still together since Hitler and the holocaust. "You're too pretty to be single!" The old Wife would say. She would smile back at her and continue to water her precious pink roses in her front walkway.

    When she lived in less peaceful times, Men were falling from the ceiling. She couldn't find a good Man then either. But a broke Man was easy to find, a dog, a good for nothing and a heartbreaker. She had a thing for Men who bragged on the length of their penis. It seemed to be the only thing they mastered well. She had a harddrive full of penis shots Men had send over the years via the internet. It was her most secretive obsession, her most painful curse.

    At night she reads books about relationships. She found out what she was attracting "good" Men all along. The author suggested that Women attract Men that match their situations and mental condition but not their hearts, and when a Woman has a terrible mental condition best believe a terrible Man will follow suit the rob her of what little self worth she had left.

    A good Man is simply a good match.

    When she went to work on changing her mind her situation changed, and oddly enough the line that went around the corner three times filled with Men in wait praying to "tap her booty" was now non-existent. Now what?

    She got the big house in preparation for a Man that would deserve it. She hoped to fill every bedroom with an offspring one day. But she doesn't bet on it.

    When she was wagging her behind around the hood Men would trip over their own feet trying to get a long whiff of her perfume. Even some of the most intelligent and well spoken Brothas just had a different approach to the game, but he basically wanted the same thing.

    She didn't just go to school to be a paralegal, she went to school to become a realistic thinker- a void within the female collective. When she gave up the fantasies fed to her as a child, she started to see the world for what is was. _ucked up.

    Last week she worked on a case where a Man shot his Wife and his Girlfriend. He said he did it because they were both possessed by the devil. No matter how horrible the case, she can stomach it.

    After all, she's a Black Woman.

    So today she calls me up and says she can't find a good Man. I told her stop looking and start enjoying life. She told me her biological clock was ticking. I told her to pull out the batteries. She said it was solar powered. I told her to blot out the Sun.

    She said life doesn't work that way. She had a deep spiritual desire to be with a good Man, but no good Men or good matches are showing up. She mentions the looks she get from the White Men on her job and it scares her. She mentioned the looks she gets from the Women on her job and that scares her too.

    What, no Brothas at your job?

    She said two. "One gay and the other is married with 3 children, but still not my type either way."

    She goes to the gym 3 times a week in hopes that someone will notice the blessing she has in her sweat suit. Now she's re-thinking the whole physical attraction bit. At least it's a start.

    I asked her why was she looking for her equal?
    She said she needed a Man who was just as or more successful than she was.
    She dated a Brotha in the Military for awhile and he left her stating she was too attached to the memories of Men in her past.

    She claimed the Military made him insane.
    Black Men don't need the Military to make them insane. BET is enough.

    She asked me where is the Man for her? The perfect match.
    I used my psychic mind to find him.

    I said he was in Kenya playing football with his two Brothers.
    She said "I don't want no African, I want a Black Man here in America who will treat me as his African Princess- I'm not trying to be like Stella getting her groove back."

    I told her I found another one. He was a Sanitation worker who had already saved up $15,000 to start his own delivery service.

    She rejected that thought as well.

    She can't find a Good Man. She asked me why was that.
    I said "because you're still trying to find yourself- you can't match shoes with an outfit you haven't purchased yet."
     
  2. Knowledge Seed

    Knowledge Seed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I like that Bro. Meta!
     
  3. amazon1979

    amazon1979 Banned MEMBER

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    1. *Chortles* at this tragic oxymoron "I don't want no African, I want a Black Man here in America who will treat me as his African Princess". It is like that Playboy Playmate of the Year who has the word 'Respect' tattoed above her 'special place'.

    2. Is this a work of fiction or does it have elements of truth in it, because I would not mind knowing where to find my twin flame. Long as he thinks I am so great, that he firmly believes that my tears can cure cancer, I don't mind how he earns his way.

    3. Speaking of Kenya (my country of birth incidentally) a few days ago, I was listening to an interview on BBC world service radio featuring a certain tribe where women have taken to marrying other women. Not for sexual purposes, but for social and economic ones. I wonder if women in the West will one day consider this option. It is like living next to a fast food joint; you may grow fat, but you will never starve!

    4. I enjoyed this piece Mr. M.Science. You captured very well in written format what is a reality for alot of successful women (and men).

    Peace
    Amazon1979
     
  4. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    yo...even if this is fiction...
    it contains so much truth that it would be shelved in the non-fiction section...

    the part that struck me the most is that the lady in this piece was looking for a man just as successful as she is or more...i'm not mad at that at all...each person has their own preferences...the part that bothers me is that there is no mention of her dream mans morals or any mention of she is looking for a good husband and good father for her future children...

    she mentions BET but it seems to me that she is conditioned just the same as BET's regular audience...ah well...if you pulled this out of that deep brain of yours brother meta...major props

    one love
    khasm
     
  5. 4EVERLUV

    4EVERLUV Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Mr. Meta,
    You really are going to have to stop doing this.....I remember when my main purpose for visiting this site was to read and post poetry. Because I love it so and there are so many talent poets that frequent this site. I mean that was it for me. I would browse other forums but never really got into them. Your posts get my attention they make me think in ways I have never thought before. This post speaks volumes on so many levels, and yes I can very much relate. Although I do not believe I can't find a good man or that they are all gone. I happen to know a few. But I havent ran into the one for me yet. I'm not trippn' either....I know he's outs there and on his way home soon. Thanks for always moving my mind.

    Much Luv
     
  6. Metaverse

    Metaverse Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Yes her story is real, but I had to cut it down and erase some of the drama. Most successful Black Women do decided to date outside the race, I give her credit for not trying that yet.

    In Eddie Murphy's "Coming to America" A Prince leaves his homeland and goes all the way to Queens New York to find a Sistah working at McDowells?? Is that fiction, or is that true that very successful Brothas will still seek out Women based upon their quality and not their financial "quantity?"

    Of course a Man is expected to be the bread winner. But "winning the bread" isn't always about making the most money, it's about knowing what to do with it. Unfortunately most Women are not wise in this area, no matter how much money they have. Even Oprah has a financial advisor. It's not the fault of Women alone, the entire retail and fashion industry is tailored towards Women. Spend spend spend.

    Back in the 50s and 60s a working Man was known for going home and giving his Wife his entire check, she would ration out his allowance for the week, and the rest of money would go towards savings, bills, groceries, life insurance and other household items. Even after all that being a "HouseWife & Mother" aka "Home Maker" wasn't looked at as an actual job until a few decades later.

    We should always base our relationship on our strengths and our talents. And successful Women should hope for a Man who is strong in areas they are not. And actually, if you are making a good salary- that is a strength, you may not attract a Man with that same strength, but he might be very strong in areas you are weak and vice versa.

    The illusion is successful Women might think they have it all together, but if your instincts are crying our for a relationship with a Man- it might be a sign that you don't. Same with Men. Some of us think we have it together too. Sometimes successful Men, on purpose- seek out Women they can possess and control with their money. A sure sign that money and success can be used to cover up insecurities.

    Our personal successes should never be used to calibrate our relationships.

    Have you ever worked with someone who had a supervisory position and was over you in the company, and then if you did run into that person on the street in the supermarket or store that person still acted like a supervisor? That's because that person is crazy. Not able to divide their job position from their life position. They'll stand over you evaluating what you have in your shopping cart as if the milk, cheese and cereal has anything to do with that report due on Monday morning.

    We are also crazy when our personal jobs become the navigators for our relationships and when we define ourselves based up what we do from 9am to 5pm and not during the other full 16 hours. Essentially who we really are takes places within those 16 hours- work is just an acting job.

    A Woman whether in the hood or the highrise Condo, if she wishes to find a good match for her mental situation must first find out what that situation is- beyond work and school and training of the physical mind and body.
    Men are fixers, therefore a "perfect Woman" will never find a Man that will stick around as long as she needs him too. Ever. Men come either to take something away or give something in return. Even the heartbreaker is a fixer.

    A Man comes into a Woman's life just like any other worker seeking employment, if she has a job for him to do he will do it. A successful Woman is like a job that has no employment opportunities really, but she continues to put ads in the paper- seeking someone for the position. She might be looking for a gender that does not exist.

    In all this she forgets the successful Black Men she is seeking are too busy fighting off the hundreds of Women who are eager to please him and have his children. Why should he settle with someone who will not stroke his ego? But he might, overlooking his own flaws as well as her own.

    She can wait. Or she can rest assured that Men will seek out those who really need them, and perhaps she will never find the Man she is looking for- until she really understands why she needs a Man to begin with.
     
  7. asafo87

    asafo87 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Does any one have a picture of this woman?
     
  8. Metaverse

    Metaverse Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    She would kick me in the back of the neck if I posted her photo online. She is beautiful, but the story overall is about successful Black Women and Men that share her views.

    Does this Brotha here speak the truth?

     
  9. Jaisolovely

    Jaisolovely Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Wow!! Could you use your psychic mind to help me find my perfect match?
    Concentrate Meta, concentrate :SuN044: LOL!!!

    When you had met your Queen, how did you know for sure that she was the perfect match for you? Are you sure she's the perfect match. From this story it seems that there is a possiblitity to having more then one soul mate.
    What exactly is a soul mate, a soul twin? Are they the same?
     
  10. Metaverse

    Metaverse Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sis. Jai, it took me a great deal of trial and error. I considered my Queen one of those successful Sistahs too. She admitted to me that while she was strong enough to do everything herself, she really didn't want to. She knew she had to learn to "delicate" as they say in corporate America. As far as knowing if she was the perfect match, you know when you stick a key in a lock if it opens up the door it's a perfect match. My Queen has opened up doors for me as I have for her.

    That is the "key" to knowing who your match is. Now, I know there are people in relationship right now that feel trapped, yet they might still love that person and feel that person is the match for them. It's only my personal view that love for self is worth more than your love for anyone or anything else, and if being in a relationship compromises your love for self- ie feeling trapped, possessed, controlled, or "watched" then- the relationship is not really opening up doors- instead it's closing them.

    Some successful Women are in some cases afraid that Men who don't earn as much as they do will try to control them or stop them from being career minded. In this case they try to find someone within their same earning bracket. That still doesn't keep the drama down either. Couples with money still fight over money, they may fight over how it should be spent, invested or saved. Meanwhile couples without enough money blame each other for not having enough, yet they met each other that way. Go figure.

    If I had to take a wild educated guess Sis Jai, I'd say you have many soulmates too. We all do. But there are only handful that can really blend with our cycles of change. I'd say that Man who will sweep you off your feet will be musically inclined, a deep poet and a very "generous" person all around. You've already met some who fit this description, but it will take you more time to appreciate them and how they function in your life.

    A soul twin is your duplicate soul similar to a soul double which is usually someone of the same sex.
     
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