Black Relationships : I'm on a challenge to find a husband

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by JaylaMaria111, Apr 4, 2008.

  1. JaylaMaria111

    JaylaMaria111 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm going to be 24 and lately I have been reuniting with old friends from high school and I discovered that just about all of them are either married or in serious relationship that will result in marriage.

    I have yet to find the love of my life, and I have never been in love before. To making things worse, I am currently single. I feel as though I am a late bloomer, and defintely behind as a adult. To never been in love at almost 24 is unusual, and something that I am very insecure about. I often don't even think about love or like to watch movies discussing it too much..it triggers self doubt and depression for me.

    So I am on a quest to find a husband. I thought about just dating every guy that approaches me and see if it leads anywhere. I do not want to be that *friend* or *aunt* that never got married or never has a man. I also don't want to grow old alone.
     
  2. Keita Kenyatta

    Keita Kenyatta going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I love your honesty but don't allow social norms or peer pressure to get to you like that. A flower blossoms when it blossoms. Just as you see so many of your peers in a status that you are not in...are they really happy, secure, at peace with themselves and each other? How many got the baby but don't have the father? How many are dependent on welfare cause they didn't take the time to secure that aspect of their life? All my friends had babies when they was 17, 18 19, 20 22, 24,....I knew I was not ready to be a father and didn't become one till 27. However, being that I am a man this is just my side. possibly women feel a different type of pressure do I'm going to bow out and allow them to respond to you
    .
     
  3. Edward Williams

    Edward Williams Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    OK...so what is the first step?
     
  4. JaylaMaria111

    JaylaMaria111 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'll start at school or places I frequent. If a guy asks me out, I won't turn him down even if he isn't my type. This will be hard to do but I think I can accomplish this.
     
  5. JaylaMaria111

    JaylaMaria111 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I feel very isolated seeing my friends all coupled up. Now, that they are in serious relationships it leaves them less and less time to hang out because they enjoy being with their S/O. Right now, I have no friends really and the loneliness is getting to me. I might as well start looking for a husband now, while i still have a little bit of youth left in me. I'd hate to be in my 30s and be single/unmarried.
     
  6. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    these are all the wrong reasons for being with a man. it will not work.
    as you are presently constituted, it is not for you. give it a rest.
    enjoy life.
     
  7. JaylaMaria111

    JaylaMaria111 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    what do you mean by that?

    I don't think I am looking for a man for all the wrong reasons. It's natural for one to desire love and companionship. I am going into this with the right attitude and I am optimistic that I will finally find love and eventually get married. I've always wanted to know what it's like to experience true love..never thought I'd be almost 24 and not know what it's like. better late than never
     
  8. Edward Williams

    Edward Williams Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    OK...let's slow down. Give this some consideration...the first step, logically speaking, is to figure out what is important to you and, of course, what is best for you. I say both because you may find that some of the things you think are important are really not what is best for you. Or you may find that some of the things you think are best for you are really not on your "important for me" list.

    Above all you have got to tell yourself the truth, and you may not like the answers you give yourself but at least you will not end up playing games with yourself. Black males need all the help we can get and it really helps us to have a Black female partner who understands both what is important to her and can explain why and also what is best for her and can explain why. This gives us focus. And if you've been in any relationships with us you know that is not what is best for you...to be with someone that doesn't have focus. :)

    There are many other things along the way that we can discuss later but that's the best start you can make...self discovery. Keep in mind that you may have to change some of the things you come up with but all-in-all understanding you is paramount. So make two lists, one named "What Is Important To Me" and one that is named "What Is Best For Me". Don't analyze them...just make the lists first. Analyzing them comes later.
     
  9. Josh Wickett

    Josh Wickett Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Mr Williams,

    Do you suggest this same technique for males seeking a wife?

    Or is the list/s different for us?


    Josh
     
  10. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    you are, and the fact that you do not think so is part of your problem.

    get a pet.

    i how can you want something that you never felt? how do you know it will be good for you? your only motivation is the actions of your peer group.
    that is the wrong reason.

    you act as though 24 is old. it is not at all. this is another one of your errors in judgement.
     
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