Black Relationships : Can't find a GOOD Black man...or can't find you TYPE of Black man?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Dual Karnayn, Nov 21, 2005.

  1. Dual Karnayn

    Dual Karnayn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My mother used to say "won't nothing hurt you but your mouth".


    As a vulnerable people living among our open enemy we have to be careful about the terms and phrases we use in public and on the media.


    One such phrase I'd like to draw particular attention to is the oft-repeated phrase:


    "It's so hard to find a GOOD Black man."


    Now most of our sisters don't say this, only a few do and most do not actuall mean ill intent by using the phrase.
    But if we really examine this statement from a different angle; what we're really saying indirectly is MOST BLACK MEN ARE BAD.


    We are conditioning ourself to accept that most Black men are no good.
    If we are conditioned to accept this, then it's only a matter of time before our enemy uses this acceptance of our "moral inferiority" to thier advantage and act on it.




    Imagine if the white chief of police said there were no Blacks on his force because it's so hard to find a GOOD Black man he could trust. Then he began to lock up as many Black men as he could find because MOST of us were no good.

    But YOU bore witness to that "fact"....so how could you protest how the Black man is treated when you agree with him that most are no good?





    Imagine if the president came on television and said most Black men were no good and someting must be done about it.

    You said it....so if it's a fact why can't he?


    You're just TALKING and not watching how you word things, but they are THINKING and STUDYING every word you say and every move you make.
    If you say most of your men are no good.....they hear that as the go-ahead to do whatever.


    Now we know most of the sistaz who say this don't actually hate or even dislike Black men.
    What she really means is it's hard to find HER TYPE of Black man.

    Some like wealthy Black men...but there aren't enough wealthy Black men to go around.

    Some like great lovers....but there aren't enough of them to go around.

    Some like sweet gentle men.....but there aren't enough of them to go around.


    There are a lot of men around but you aren't attracted to most of them.
    But don't write them off as "bad" or "no good" just because there is no chemistry.
    It's hard for some people to find their TYPE, but you don't have to condemn them just because ou don't find them attractive.


    So rather than saying we can't find any GOOD men/women.....those of us who are in search should say we can't find OUR TYPE of man/woman.
     
  2. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    "It's so hard to find a GOOD Black man."

    When phrases like these are spewed in public, it reinforces the stereotype that it is the norm for Black men/women to be evil, and only 1% are half decent. BM&BW need to rebuild as is, so there's no sense in chopping away at a budding apple tree:sand:
     
  3. Blaklioness

    Blaklioness Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Dual K:

    I said it before, and I'll say it again...MOST Black people ain't taking care of business in one way or the other, because if we were, we wouldn't allow ourselves to live like we've been living. Black women and men are still way too superficial in selecting mates....gender differences determine the nature of those selections. We need to reclaim our self-respect fullscale and learn to be more patient with each other...then selecting a mate from among "we" will be a lot easier than it is now.
     
  4. Dual Karnayn

    Dual Karnayn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Spicy

    As usual, spot on point!

    It reminds me of how so many of us call eachother "n*gger" in public and on television.
    We are hearing one thing and understand what we mean when we say it, but those outside of our community actually hear it for the self hate that it is.

    We can't see how much we hate ourselves, it's ingrained in our culture...but others can.




    Blacklioness

    I agree with most of what you said because we certainly aren't performing on optimum levels.

    I'd just like to add that not doing your best doesn't necessarily mean you are "bad"...it just means your not as good as you could be.
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    word.......i hear ya on this note.

    {behind every good black man, is a strong black woman}

    when i hear the tearm, (( it's hard to find a good black man ))
    i often ask what is a good black man to you , define it in your own words
    because the places and who you seeking that is your type may not be in
    this group of men.

    i agree we our selves have to beware of what we saying and the message
    it's putting out , the more you hear it the more our youthful sistas rise to believe
    there is no good black men, this where we leave our hub of race and vent into
    another, looking for that so call good man or Mr. Right !

    this just me and no real truth behind it , but 93% of every good man have a deep
    strong black woman behind him , supporting him , i've sen the worse of men turn
    around to very good fatherly men with that positive strong woman on his side .

    beware what the tongue say and allow to come out , the tongue is mighty then
    the sword it can cut deep and help feed the consistency into the minds of women
    before she even give a brutha any kind of hope , we hurt ourselves more then any

    and i always come to this , we just in too deep still mentally enslaved
    we have to free our minds to get pass a lot we see and hear in today's society.
     
  6. Sodwn2earth

    Sodwn2earth Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Originally posted by Dual Karnayn
    I'll agree with this point made, but in the defense of females, I would like to think that they mean that enough black men aren't meeting their potential. This then ties back to what Blaklioness said.
     
  7. Omowale Jabali

    Omowale Jabali The Cosmic Journeyman PREMIUM MEMBER

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    What about Black men who are "meeting their potential" and are still not recognized and respected as such?
     
  8. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    SMH.......................

    Dual Karnayn: "We can't see how much we hate ourselves, it's ingrained in our culture...but others can"

    If I had a dollar for how many times a day I hear US degrading each other, especially in public, I would never need to buy another lotto ticket.LOL
    I especially can't stand it when I see a Black child in public 'just being a kid', and the mother reminds him/her constantly to 'behave' when in the presence of whites. From my observations, TOO MANY of US tend to put on a show in public, and tend to say 'wise' things aloud, then turn around and look for reactions from the surrounding 'spectators'. I know i'm in Cali, but there's not some agent scouting for actors every second of the day:rolleyes: ..LMAO.

    For instance: I was grocery shopping with a family friend a couple of years ago, and she was describing LOUDLY how a girl nearby had been kidnapped. As her story came to an end, she tapped my shoulder, (almost knocked my sturdy frame over) and screamed: "I can't believe that monster (SE)DUCTED HER!!!!"(mispronunciation of ABDUCTED). A group of white men started chuckling so hard that it made me laugh. My friend had the nerve to say aloud: "What the #ell dese peckawoods laughin at...shoooooot!" This type of ignorance gives 'others' the opportunity to degrade us. I don't suggest we stand at attention for others. Just have a little bit of class.:idea:
     
  9. Dual Karnayn

    Dual Karnayn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Spicy

    Yeah I hate that sh*t....

    It's so embarrasing as if so many of our people lack common sense and how to carry themselves in public.

    Talking loud on cell phones putting all thier business out in the street and talking about sexual or violent encounters...confirming EVERY stereotype other people ever had about us.

    I don't mind a woman disciplining her children in public, but it's HOW so many do it.

    There seems to be no love, just anger and hatred.

    To see women cussing at their little children in gruff deep voices is very unnatural and borders on disgusting.

    "Get yo stupid *** over hurr LeShawn!"

    "I'm go beat the shi7 out yo *** from ear to ear when we get home!"


    Other folks are looking in amazement at how such a short little package can be so angry and powerful.

    Giving their kids all kind of immature and foolish nick-names like:

    Boody, and DoDoJuan....

    "Come on Lil' PeePee....let's go!"

    Like you said, it's a matter of class.

    It's not about showing of or trying to apologize to whites and others for our behavior, it's about common sense.
    We shouldn't behave like that no matter who's around to see.
     
  10. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My Wife found a good Black Man in myself, when she decided too open herself to my fallacies.

    I believe that Black Women and Black Men always miss out on good relationships because they are focused on the wrong things. For example:

    My Wife dumped me a year ago for not having a job.

    A year later she took me back while I was staying in a homeless shelter.

    I took her back after getting gainful employment.

    Most women would have never taken back a man whom they dumped for lack of employment while he was in a homeless shelter, and most men would not have taken the woman back who dumped them in their time of need.

    The reasons why we took each other back were because we saw spiritual growth in each other, that far surpassed what he had in the beginning. The real results were not me buying a new home and getting a high paying job, nor were they her becoming more tolerable. We simply saw that we were more mature than our previous states, and we both realized that materialism has nothing to do with humanity. Moreover, we started our own love movement which each other, that encouraged, and supported us as two beings. We dropped the negativity that so many black people have for each other, and once we dropped this negativity we grew as individuals.

    So in the end, my wife ended up with a 5 time felon, Homeless man, who was definitely not her type. I ended up with a wife who was stuck up, all about the bread and stuck in fantasy. But the reality of the situation is that we both realized that we have flaws, and we ended up with a person who can accept those flaws.

    In conclusion, I believe that some Black Men and Women are so stuck on tree of fantasy that they miss out on the beautiful forest of reality. I hope that more people can look past these simple differences and move forward.
     
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