Black Relationships : OLDER MEN - YOUNGER WOMEN

[IntuitioninMD]

NO, YOU AREN'T BEING TOO PERSONAL. THERE WERE OTHER REASONS FOR BREAKING UP, HOWEVER THE CHILDREN ISSUE WAS SIGNIFICANT. LIKE I STATED BEFORE, I WOULD PREFER TO START FROM SCRATCH WHEN IT COMES TO FAMILY. MY GIRLFRIEND HAVE DISCUSSED THE POSSIBILITY OF CHILDREN, AND SHE WANTS TO HAVE KIDS WITHIN TWO TO THREE YEARS. THAT WORKS OUT PERFECTLY FOR ME ALSO. SO INTUITION, OUR RELATIONSHIP ISN'T SOME OLDER GUY LOOKING TO SCORE WITH A YOUNG HOTTIE. IT'S NOT AT ALL THAT SHALLOW. ALSO AS I STATED BEFORE, OUR AGE DIFFERENCE DOESN'T COME INTO PLAY AT ALL. NO ONE REALLY NOTICES, NOT EVEN US. BOTH OF HER PARENTS ARE 10 YEARS OLDER THAN MY PARENTS ( MY PARENTS ARE 60 HER PARENTS ARE 69 AND 70 )MAYBE THAT ATTRIBUTES TO HER MATURITY. THAT AND THE FACT THAT SHE HAD TO GROW UP QUICKLY. SHE TOLD ME THAT WHEN SHE DATED GUYS HER AGE, SHE FELT LIKE SHE WAS THERE OLDER SISTER AND THAT SHE WAS ALWAYS THE ONE WORKING THE HARDEST IN THE RELATIONSHIP.

Good Luck my Brother.. Loving someone is a special thing and it is not like any of us can package "love" up. It seems that you really do love her -- and in the end.. that is all that matters. :luvv:

 

[Monetary]

Okay. PLease remember... THE FOLLOWING IS ONLY MY OPINION.

I have been personally in situations where I have dated men anywhere between 1-2 years younger to almost twice my age. When I was younger (even in high school) I thought "the older MAN" was attracted to me because I was beautiful, had a great shape and WAS VERY MATURE. I thought it meant.. that I have it “going on”. Men, 12 - 15 years older, have proposed to me when I was a "spring chicken" (early 20s) and I said NO. I thought these men were not giving me the opportunity to live and experience my life like they did themselves. I felt like they had "fun" and now they want me before I get the chance to have "fun" too. Some of these men did not have any kids and they were ready to start a family and I would be the housewife in my 20s. To me they wanted someone that would not challenge them - mentally, emotionally, financially and spiritually. I wanted to live my life. I did not think they were trying to harm me - at all. Some of these guys were not on my level sexually either. They had many partners and I was still trying to figure out what I was doing. I thought their reasons for wanting me to marry them were more selfish than anything else. The ironic thing now... is that these men are the type of guys that I want to meet now - International Scientists, Doctors, Attorneys, Business Owners and etc -- but they are in my age group.

Some of these guys had issues with dealing with women their own ages and I could not ignore this because we are ALL getting older.

This one guy proposed to me(International Scientist) and I told him "you are trying to take 15 years of my life away". He was 15 years older than me. He was a really decent guy. I could not overlook the fact that he was "ATTRACKED TO MY YOUTHFULNESS". I told him - that I have to be fair with him and myself. I cannot ignore some of the things that he was going through - early signs of impotence due to back surgery and his strong attraction to me "being young". I asked him what is his age limit - When is young(er) too young. I told him, how am I suppose to be secure about the fact that you love my youth and I am getting older. What will be stopping you from dating someone that is younger as I get older?

Than for me as the YOUNGER woman... I decided to put more thought in what I was doing with these older men. I asked myself, what am I looking for in them? Was it the "daddy figure" - since I did not grow-up with my biological father? Was it because I was financially INSECURE - one offered to buy me a car and pay my rent... all the nine yards. Was it because I felt like I would really have the upper hand in the relationship because... I have YOUTH and them being older men (ready to settle down) that they would not be going anywhere.

They had their reasons and I had mine.

Now I try to be careful because I have a daughter - that is beautiful like her mother. And statistically stepfathers are more likely to molest their stepdaughters than their biological daughters. You hear about these horror stories all the time. You also hear about stories where the fathers are attracted to their daughters because of their YOUTHFULNESS. EEK So now - older men that are attacked to me.. I asked them... how do I know that one day you would not like my daughter???

Brother BIGTOWN - I am not saying any of those are the case for you and your situation.

ON the flip side - there is this new trend for Older Women to be dating younger men - for these guys I end up calling them the "Boy Toys". There are more guys that are younger than I am that are trying to be in a relationship with me and I am like "What are their intentions?"

Finding someone compatible is not easy. Good luck in your relationship. Everyone wants love and to be loved in return.

Have you asked her why does she want to be with you?

This guy that I am so in love with is always asking me how old am I and he is 5 years older than me. He constantly tells me that I look young – FOR MY AGE. That the sun is being nice to me. LOL He also says he is in love with someone that is 12 years younger than he is. IT SHOULD BE NO SURPRISE. Similar to your situation he looks younger than his age and so do I ... (it cuts like a knife)

you see... I am not so bad after all.

This is only my OPINION BIGTOWN and what I have experienced.

Good luck…

Looking at all my requirements in a mate... I might have to reconsider some of my earlier options.

I totally agree with everything you said in this post. I've had many conversations with women who have gotten married at a young age...some at 18 and 19 years of age. Some of them married in their 20s to a much older man. And they spoke of the pitfalls of getting married so young as you so eloquently stated MD.

If anyone is willing to go this route for love, beware and be prepared to deal with the wonderful times as well as the rainy days. You WILL face these situations.

GOD bless