Bisabee said:
Brother, I think words such as "listen" and "understand" are being used a lot when this topic is discussed, but obviously some women don't know exactly what you mean. It's certainly not that women have made a decision not to listen to men.
Perhaps, but you'd be surprised has to how that has become the case, even if unintentionally.
You guys seem to want a woman to "act" in a different way to show that she's listening, so I'm focusing on ACTIONS.
It's not just about "acting" different, but rather being different. When a person is truly listening, they become an entirely different creature, than when they're not.
Examples could be used to illustrate:
For ex. Do you mean by "listening" that the woman should be able to repeat back to you what you said?
Partially.
Do you mean you want her to make eye contact and nod at intervals to show that she's listening?
That's a start....
Do you want her to touch you while you're talking to show she's listening?
That'd be nice.....
Do you want her to ask you questions about what you said?
DEFINITELY.
If so, do you want her to question you while you're talking to get clarification about each statement that may not be clear?
MOST DEFINITELY.
Or do you want her to wait until you've finished talking and then ask questions?
It depends on the topic of discussion.......Also, if I ask her not to interrupt me until I'm finished, then this method is preferred.
Does the woman prove that she has listened by agreeing with you?
CERTAINLY NOT.
This is the thing that it seems that women cannot get past. LISTENING is not synonymous with AGREEING.
The goal of listening is not agreement, but understanding.
How on earth can you agree to something that you don't even understand?
If so, would her saying she agrees make you feel she has listened even if she doesn't agree?
OF COURSE NOT. Especially if it's apparent that she doesn't even understand what she is agreeing to.
That only makes her a fool, and thus makes a fool out of us both.
Do you talk to a woman to get her to "understand" you or do you just expect her to understand?
The purpose of communication, is to successfully convey the understanding of one person, to another.
This is a mutual street.
However, the only "expectations" to be had here, is I would expect to her to understand, only if she said that she understands.
Anyone who says they undertand, when they really don't, is only doing themselves a disservice, especially when they are being held to such an expectation.
Do you mean by "understanding" that you want her to feel what you feel and think what you think?
You're still confusing UNDERSTANDING with AGREEMENT.
The only want I would have, is to want her to know WHY I feel what I feel, and WHY I think what I think.
Do you expect for a woman to change in some way after you've finished talking? What kind of change do you expect?
As stated, understanding changes everyone and everything.
How do you feel, right after you learn something new? Is it the same as right before, when you didn't know it?
Have you ever had an epiphany of any sort in your life? If so, did that have any sort of effect on you?
If so, then
this is what is expected. Nothing more.
PEACE
