- Aug 10, 2013
- 1,303
- 111
lol. Yeah it was meant to be funny but with a seriousness. But all things in my book is real and i'm in the editing phase now getting there. As far as love enigma??? lol yeah it be on my mind sometimes. i even tried that in one relationship cause i really wanted to let her know she was lying about me not being there in all so i amped up my presence all around her in every way i could. Then she started to complain about me being her head and like trying too much in the physical and i was like dang i can't be myself or even do like you want me too now you going backwards on me yo! I'm stopping and i'm out peace. Just like that...you shouldn't have too go through the games if it's serious on both ends and you see it's not for play anymore that something is actually up seriously. some people you can't talk too or even tell them a solution or ask of them about one. cause from my experience they have no solution and don't even want to flow...it's always questions after questions but no give back then turn around with excuses of how people don't listen to them and i'm like yo!! i got you on the tape recorder, then in my mind too, write poetry about how i'm feeling right then and later, talked to your peoples but you in denial all the way that you didn't say it or mentioned like this and that well i got your voice which sounds like this or that and etc. like i learned a long time fight fire with water so i would have my evidence ready without even talking. shut them up totally. and some people be like dang you took it that far well i had to cause once again when people be saying all this and that then you just shut them up with the real and that's there voice or words or recorded reel. and see the fairy tales stop then reality sets-in but some will say still that it ain't them regardless of the evidence and proof and it's like how crazy can you get on the real? then reality hits me like oh shoot she is crazy and i was actually trying to be real with her upfront and all that stuff and you be like wow i'm glad i caught it just in time. The last three relationships i had failed because of the internet! straight up...they would see my poetry posting up or me just making move trying to get into a spoken word, poetry or jazz club right? ok they would peep out my literature on my laptop to my journals i wrote right? now where their minds at when it comes time to get stuff right? the internet. they stuck in and stuck into straight gone so i can move through the internet then leave and keep going. it's just a network tool but some people get addicted on it like a drug you know and don't even know it. i be telling them in order for us to move forward we need to stop the internet seriously cause real life has to happen soon or later and those parts of the relationship never gets told so in the book i'm just being open and honest of what actually killed great relationships of mine and i would put myself into like i did something wrong to show them eh i'm in it too but they don't wanna look at that either. you just can't please people or even begin to treat someone with the proper healing so they can be a Queen or even acknowledge themselves...like how can you be a Queen or King by not participating in the real on-ground? it's like they don't wanna talk and walk but they still talking while i heard them speak continuously the same stuff over and over again i heard it all before just remix and reflipped and all that you know? but they insist on they different from other females and this and that and i'm like yeap you are. i just give up and be like i gotta protect myself now...i can't invest into her at all of no way or form kind of fashion and they still come in or keep calling back or keep emailing like nothing never happen and dare you to answer them if you thought what you said was true to you and offensive to them. it's like the nerve of them on the real you know? i deserve respect too and it's no way i'm respecting you no longer cause you ain't even trying to move on you still stuck on how much i love so tell you and asking questions that is already answered inside her mind so why answer or even give mine? it won't matter and see when you mirror them they get confused as ever like wait a minute that sounds like something i would say and you darn skippy too! a taste of your own medicine and how you like it? did it taste good to you cause to me it didn't and you couldn't see. and they always put sly stuff in there like oh you can just like forget about us like that? well think about this ms perception and sarastic you thought about us like that from the beginning and will not hesitate to drop me off in the toilet, now will you?? nope. cause you got your clique of friends or family members on the internet but see i'm real in the flesh and me and you seen each other way before the internet so why you can't get off of it and just claim your responsibilities as a Queen? oh i forgot you are unaccounted for so there is no way to even compute you in the wrong or fit you into the throne cause you ain't there but you there telling me i'm not there but indeed i am in realtime so you want me to play a scene out in front of everybody showing your power over me just for me to get embarassed about us cause you acting wild? you gotta grow up and if not then i gotta bounce cause what's love got to do with it when your heart at there with us but only on your terms and you act a different when we talk you know what im saying?? man that be confusing more than ever....like this is the longest i've been on the internet in like years and it's all because i gotta tighten down my focus and find all the correct paperwork plus laws and promote myself plus plan for anything else down the line so if i wake the next morning i just finished where i left off and keep building like that...if they don't wanna build with you and always passing the buck to you then they lazy about relationship as a whole and that is a tell-tale sign of no interest or just being there for the moment until somebody comes along "friend crippler" i still go through it even today but i don't let it phase me or slow me down like i use to just stop and find out what's going baby this and that and then i toke a step back and was like black woman is not a baby so i'm actually input words into her psyche treating her like one and even a treating her like a Queen which i rather see you be a Queen than treat you like one cause if i treat you like a Queen then i'm not really believing you are...it's just temporarily disposition. i want long term all the way and if you can't bring it then step aside cause you lying about everything from the jump and to your peoples straight up but you trying to make an impression out on everybody like you are while blaming me. Great move but no more blaming the King or the ninja or your brother or whatever...and vice versa too. and if you listen to her long enough she'll have you thinking and feeling like you did hurt her and all this and that but many muthas helped me out to include my own sister and they schooled me quickly cause they saw me crying like in an angry fashion where you emotionless on the face sorta but still dropping tears like all the pain is centered and you be focusing it into a place where it could be buried forever. cause in the back of my head i be like naw i can't take no more of the bs...i just can't cause i feel like exploding and she's a female pushing my buttons to the max so either i call my female members up and handle it or just leave her alone? i've always chose plan B. so i'm just in my world going further getting cloer to my dreams. i'm getting tired cause i've been up with family dosing off then coming back working. i just recovered from an accident and getting ready to work again then while working slow investing with my arts: music, literature (plays, poetry and etc)
