Black Relationships : Men Who Lie

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by river, Jul 29, 2005.

  1. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    One day I was riding along with my cousin Miraculous (that's his real name). He had just helped his mother put his bedridden father into a wheelchair to get some excercise before we headed off to Georgetown. It occurred to him to turn around so he could help his mother put his father back into bed. He called her on his cell and told her to wait that we were right around the corner. After hanging up he leaned over and informed me that actually we were like 45 minutes away but he didn't want to tell his mother that because she would go on and try to lift his father by herself and injure her fibroids.

    I said "Mrac, what should I do if a man is lying and I know he's lying but it's for a good cause?" He said "Let him lie if it's for a good cause. Now if it's not for a good cause tell him he's a horrible liar. It's not working for him and he should start telling the truth." Then I said "You know if more women listened to their male cousins maybe there wouldn't be so much divorce." He said "You're probably right."

    After he put his father back into the bed we headed back for Georgetown. Presently he leaned over and said "We're almost there." I said "Sure, right, um hm, tell me anything."

    My pastor also advised my sister to be more understanding when her husband lied about paying the bills.

    What say you, family? Is there a double standard? Do the responsibilities and pressures of being a man justify lying when it's for a good cause?
     
  2. anAfrican

    anAfrican Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm always "out there": if it is not true, then it is not true. Folks talk about "shades of gray". To me it makes as much sense as "a little bit pregnant".

    I'll just keep watching and shaking my head. One of these days, Mother Earth is gonna slap allus up-side the head ... but folks'll just keep on keepin on and wonderin if they'll ever get out of it/over it/out from under it.

    I don't like lyin; I won't lie ... I'm sure that it has "cost me" "friends". But I won't lie. Even if it costs me! "To save my life"? Firstly, I won't put myself in a position to be stuck like that. Secondly; where is the honor in living a lie? But "the west" doesn't know anything about "honor" anyway, so I'll be called "stupid", "naive" and/or whatever.

    There may or may not be a Book to Answer to on Judgement Day, but I have to answer to my heart everyday: I won't lie.
     
  3. Radical Faith

    Radical Faith Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    There is not Justification for lying no matter the cause. Nothing good can be built on a foundation of lies. Why could not your cousin have waited until he until he was literally around the corner before he called his mom? I know he didn't want his mother to try to lift his father by herself and tell her the truth would have caused her to take action on her own. If your cousin knows how his mother is why not plan to stay with his parents until his father's physical therapy was over. A lie is the worst way to cover up poor planning. I'm not saying your cousin is a bad person. I'm just saying that maybe he should plan better or make better decisions. As for the pastor telling your sister to be understanding of her husband lying about paying the bills! WHAT!!!! Is this the church that you left sister? Because if so I can understand why. Why do we try to put a bandaid on a severed limb to try to stop the bleeding? Maybe what she should understand is that her husband has a problem. Maybe that's what the pastor means.(Hopefully) I don't know what's worse, a man so out of control that he is jeopardizing the well being of his family or someone that would advise a woman to condone such behavior and be understanding, meanwhile the lights and gas are being cutoff and the sherriff is putting their stuff out on the street. Lying does nothing but damage. All that is done in darkness shall be reveal by the light.


    Peace......
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Truth set you free always if not out of some spot it do free your mind .
    A lie is a lie no matter the cause or reason, something that the tongue
    say and do seem like at will but theirs no justice to it and it will be revealed

    I know growing up i told them and got a really nice back side blast more then
    i like and it have departed me from past relationships when i was younger
    i learn the hard way to lie is devilish be true to your self and real without a lie
    so i deem not to just lie to change any situation.

    The responsibility of being a man under any pressure do not justify lying
    for any cause or reason.
     
  5. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    smh

    Leviticus 19:11 - "Do not deceive one another."

    There are several things that the Lord says HE hates. A lying tongue...and A false witness that speaketh lies.

    It is also stated in the Bible that liars will NOT enter thru the gates of Heaven.

    The tongue is a powerful thing. If we use our tongues to speak lies no matter how small we think they may be, we are allowing the devil to use us. A lie is the language of the devil and the devil is the Father of lies. No good can ever come from lies. These days you have to beware of who you can trust and that shouldn't be. People have so many schemes trying to take advantage of people. There was a story on the news a few days ago. This woman would dress up like a bag lady and sit at this corner all day. She was caught on camera getting in her Mercedes Benz at the end of the day after scamming hundres of folks who believed she was homeless and down on her luck. There she was getting money she probably didn't need while a real homeless person a corner away from her who was really in need, got lQQked over because the thief took the last of peoples change.


    The lengths people go thru to get a dollar or a pretty woman or that high from drugs....My Lord...smh
     
  6. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Is this really a male issue?
     
  7. Lloyd

    Lloyd Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    What do you mean by "the good cause"?Is it the one serving the interest of the liar or the one serving the interest of the person who is listening?In both case itz a lie!!!Lie removes trust,lie brings confusion!!!Will you be okay if u know that someone in who u've confidence have lied u one time?If he has done it once,he can do it twice and so on and so forth!!!
    We should do our best to avoid lying because itz not good for the liar -who will regret when he'll be alone- and for the one who believe in it -he'll no more see the person like in the past-.But its SO HARD to live without lying and we'll make do with
     
  8. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    IMO it's not a good idea to get in the habit of lying about anything. I can understand when people want to protect others from hearing bad news or trying to prevent them from being disappointed, however it all boils down to misleading people, and nobody wants to be misled.
     
  9. Nubian One

    Nubian One Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Panafrica, no this isn't a male issue.

    Funny how females are always ao quick so 'Men lie' .. 'Men cheat' yada yada.. None of us were born w/o sin. Women lie just as much, if not more than men.. lying has no boundries and shows no repsect of person.. Humans lie.. flat out..

    James 3rd Chapter:

    5 Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!
    6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.
    7 For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind:
    8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.

    I know I could quite quote this word for word..I know bits and pieces...but Google helped me out...
     
  10. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Of course it's not a male issue. Those are just the scenarios I started with because of this idea proported by my cousin and my pastor that men almost have a duty to lie in order to protect and shield women from the realities of life.

    In the case of my sister's husband he just didn't know how to handle money and was ashamed to admit it. My sister is better at managing monay but rather than have a situation where the woman is in control of such things the pastor opted to tell her to just bear with her husband until he learned how to do better.

    Far be it from me, Brotha Pan to suggest that men are the only clprits. Nobody likes to have a finger pointed at them but focusing on the merits of the finger rather than the merits of the issue will not lead us to grow. That too is a part of human nature that it is easier to defend ourselves than to examine ourselves. In no way do I exclude myself from the foibles of human nature.