Thank you so much
I am not that hurt over the person from whom this post is initiated. More agitated and a little confused.
If I am hurt, it is over what someone has said in this post after it was started. But I am letting that go.
If I misunderstand, misconstrue things, or take them out of context it's usually not on purpose and I make an effort to correct those misunderstandings. But my way of writing or communication leaves a lot to be desired for some folks, and may not go over well. I am just hopeful that either they ignore me entirely (and let me know that so I don't respond to them) or they keep an open mind enough to see the bigger picture and not that get that offended by what I write or say.
I had not meant to come fussin. And what you say is true. I had a problem with a member before I had premmem and was not able to use the the 'ignore' feature. I had forgot about that, but what did I do then?
Well after she brought her issue with me to another thread, I tried to address the issue in that thread and in the original thread. I did apologize and said I was no longer going to respond to her posts. Even tho I was not rude or disrespectful in her original post where the issue started, my cynicism and somewhat negative response in a thread she initiated and that was suppose to be about positivity and good hope was not well recieved by her.
I liked reading her up to that point, but I figured if she can't handle differences of opinions in whatever she had intended when started the thread... then best for me to make my amends and bow out responding at all. When I respond to threads I go with my first instinctual reaction and that may or may not be in line with the intended tone or purpose of the thread. If I percieve that's a problem, then I'm out.
It's not that easy to concede or apologize to anyone in real life or on online. I've seen how animosities can get dragged on and on because people refuse to concede and always want the last word... and it drags from thread to thread with the bickering back and forth.
I found two things that help in trying curve that and let it go... apologizing and the 'ignore' feature. The 'ignore' features helps because you no longer have to read the person you have an issue with. If you don't read them, you don't feel compelled to respond. Being the prolific poster/writer that I am... you can well imagine that I just about always responded and carried out any type of mess or issue. At times it was in an attempt to clarify a misjudgement. When that went awry... well I need not go further than that.
Apologies help because it is the absolute very last thing you can do, and that's the point when you give it all up. You're saying 'I apologize, I'm sorry, so whatever issues you have now is all on you, not me.' That's why apologizine is sooooo hard for folks in real life and online.... because nobody wants to concede or give up. They think it makes them look weak, and everyone wants to stand their ground.
As I said, my miserable-ness doesn't like company. I'm an introvert who values her space, solitude, solitary refinement, silence, and being left alone. I do carry grudges over unresolved issues, and I don't like or want to bring that into my solitary space. It's a poison that eats away at me with depression and fatique. Offering you the chance to forgive me... no matter what you do with it or if you accept it or not.... helps me overcome grudges and allows me to let it go. My space is clear. Air flow is unblocked. Depression is somewhat lifted.
In real life I got one major grudge right now... and it's because neither of us have made amends to each other. No amends were made to me, and I do not feel comfortable enough to offer my amends to that person. We pretend like whatever problem we had doesn't exist and we don't talk about it.... but that's not enough for me so I just really keep my distance. I think that why folks say a lot of introverts are 'aloof' or 'distant' - they are really just trying to stay out trouble and not bring unwanted negative feelings into their space.
And being a sagittarius on top on it... candid and untact is what I'm reading and I find that to be true about me.... well a lotta times it helps to just be observant and not talk. Be aloof. Cause when I open my mouth I'm bound to piss somebody off and it's not always intended. I got kicked out the License Practical Nursing program for pissing off the teacher and I'm currently fighting my way back into that.
I ain't mad at pissing her off tho. She is abusing her authority and this has been a lesson for both of us. But I hope the end result is that I get back in. and graduate so I can finally get some kinda career off the ground.
Please note - introvert doesn't exactly mean shy. I know the difference and I'm not shy anymore, but I do like and value being introverted.
True, but the most debilitating part about that is that people don't realize they are on a journey of self-knowledge and self-discovery and not just one of survival. When folks don't understand what they do and why do it.... and many times outside circumstances and people are to help you find that out.... then all folks tend to do is REACT and blame other folks.
Then they cry about things happening to them - 'why did so-and-so leave me? I have these (outside material things) and they left.'
'How come people are always reacting to me this way? Must be their fault, they are just jealous.'
'Why does this person keep doing that and getting on my friggin nerves? I can't stand it and one day I'm gonna tell them off.'
'Why do folks always treat me this way? I'm the nicest person in the world, and people always take advantage of me. There is nothing wrong with me, it just that people are always opportunistic and trying to take advantage of me. I can't trust anyone.'
These are all instances you can use for SELF-DISCOVERY. But everyone thinks they are so perfect, so nice, so sweet, with no problems.... that they completely fail to use these instances for self-discovery and think it be everyone who has a problem.
I've met some of the most sweetest and and most giving people in the world. Guess what? They get taken advantage of because they are so 'giving' and they say it's other people's fault because they all want a free ride. But their real problem? They don't know how to say 'no' and are afraid of saying it. They are afraid of getting people mad at them and making enemies or advasaries. Instead of them learning to be assertive and say 'no' - they resent people for asking them for help or to give them stuff. They are not using this experience for self-knowledge and self-discovery.
So you can be nice, sweet, the most generious... and you still got issues you need to be aware of.
As my family were once fond of saying - better to be crazy and know it than to be crazy and not know it. If you know you crazy, then you can go about the business of self-correction and self-improving. But if you don't know you crazy or YOU have issues that need to be corrected... then you won't do a thang about it and continue to think it's everyone that has the problem.
I am not use to this type of attention nor do I seek it... I don't want folks to feel left out and thinking i am fishing for complements..... but I appreciate this. Thanks a lot.
I hope this be a lesson everyone and anyone can find useful.
Sister ... you've said some good stuff above, thanks for it all.
First ... aint nuth'n wrong with fuss'n every now and then ...
Second ... it is easy for all of us to misunderstand, misconstrue, etc., the words of another. If we keep this in mind, leave a little room for that, we'll be well on our way to respectfully engaging each other.
Third ... last, but not least ... Sister, there is no way ANYONE could think you were fishing for compliments, with your behavior ...
... no Sister, don't even think that! In fact, that is why your love means so very much to me, moves my heart so ... because it is so genuine ... those were real emotions and desires that preceded the warnings and suspension ... real effort to adjust yourself to our rules / policies ... real money that you sent to help keep the very same community that warned and suspended you, alive. Gurl, please, I could go on and on ... it really does mean a lot to me and i want you to know it ... i don't care what others think ... i only care that you know, i'm honored. Thank You.Sister ... while it is a challenge to get Members to financially help that seem to enjoy this community, that have never violated, can you imagine the challenge of getting those to help, that have violated, been warned, suspended, etc.?! That is a much tougher mountain to climb. You are a great piece of evidence for me, my heart, and my hope. You really are. Thank You.
Yes, you're kinda wild ...
... opinionated ... an outside the box thinker ... my Sister ... and i love you! 
Destee
