Black Relationships : Women That Stay In ABUSIVE Relationships(WHY)?

[Kadijah]

With much love and respect to you, I thank you for your honesty and hope that at the end we can still understand that there are millions of women abused everyday and we can continue to pray that they can find the courage to help themselves before it is to late.

Which is why I wrote what I did. To try to bring clarity to the abused so they, hopefully, can make a change in their circumstance. You described the passion, the power; I described at least one solution. So it is with equal love and respect to you, as well as my condolences on the loss of your friend.

 

[FINDLOVEINME_RETURNS]

Which is why I wrote what I did. To try to bring clarity to the abused so they, hopefully, can make a change in their circumstance. You described the passion, the power; I described at least one solution. So it is with equal love and respect to you, as well as my condolences on the loss of your friend.

Thank you

 

[Kadijah]

I have read many discussion with Destee, where discussions turns into debates. I am not debating your opinion or your facts. What I am saying is that we are all different in our thought process. If my friend was still alive then I would have continue this discussion about the wording of the poem. But the poem was not posted for a debate of her belief in God or how she should have been more self reliant. I posted this because i thought snout her and my sister who is now in the same situation. My friend is deceased and out of respect for her and how she died I hope you do understand that I will talk about the original question on WHY WOMEN RETURN BACK TO THEIR ABUSER. Again your conviction is powerful and I have much respect in how passionate you are in what your beliefs. I will never disrespect or pass judgement on how you feel. Hopefully we have a mutual understanding as women that abuse no matter your religious belief, Abuse is wrong and no one deserves it.

I wasn't "debating" the poem. With its power and passion it stands alone. What I was trying to do was to find some "solutions" to the problem. The only way to find a solution is to first, acknowledge the problem, next, dissect the problem - it's easier to deal with chunks at a time, rather than the whole cloth - and then perhaps, something positive can come out of the pieces. That poem was a cry for help; I only answered the call.... as best as I know how.

 

[Kadijah]

Saw and "condense" this account of an abused woman in a magazine:

NOT LONG BEFORE she fled, Krystal Ryan had $650 to her name. Not his. Not theirs. Just hers. She’d been squirreling it away for a month, knowing he’d ask for it when the bills came. Make that demand it. If she didn’t have it, he’d know something was up.
She used it to buy bus tickets to Denver, even though the purchase ate up $585. It left the three of them—Krystal and her kids, 14-year-old Jay and 11-year-old Adara—with $65 to start a new life. For shelter. To eat. Of course it wasn’t enough; she couldn’t think about that or she’d turn back.

Don't know if God was in the mix (in her mind), but she stepped out on faith.

Every dozen or so seconds in the United States, a woman is beaten, assaulted, or strangled. Domestic violence is the top cause of injury for American women between the ages of 15 and 44. It wasn’t until the 1970s that many states finally agreed a wife could be raped by her husband. What seems intuitive now—that a wife and husband each have equal legal power over their bodies—was an ideological nuclear bomb in the ’70s.
The laws remain difficult to enforce, partly because the term “domestic violence” is a misnomer. Abusive relationships often are less about actual violence than about control and power. Domestic violence involves a warped dynamic that—whether or not a criminal act has been committed—is often misunderstood by people outside the relationship.
By the time Terrance [not his real name] landed in Krystal’s life, she wasn’t looking for a man. She was 27, raising her children, paying the bills, and getting a licensed practical nurse (LPN) degree. She worked as a night auditor at a Ramada Inn in Virginia. He was an engineer from Houston who stayed there a few months while on a job. He showed up, and he kept coming back, night after night.
She rarely dated and never brought anyone home to meet her children, but Terrance proved to be too good to ignore. At 6 feet 3 inches, with powerful arms that he’d wrap around her, he quickly convinced her he was wonderful. Safe. He wanted to meet her kids. After three months, she agreed. “I am going to be the father figure,” he told them. “I love you guys. We’re a family now.”
Krystal had one thought: “This is it.”

Prince Charming rode in, swept her off her feet, and was now going to "rescue" her.... she, who before she met him, was sufficient unto herself AND her children.

Maybe she saw a few warning signs. Terrance could be intensely protective. Didn’t like her stepping out without her man. Didn’t like men talking to her at clubs. But that’s because he was worried about her, right? He loved her and didn’t want to share her with anyone else.

He "rescued" her by locking her down. She, who had been taking care of herself all her life and her kids, too boot.
(He begins beating her. One woman sees her after a beatdown and she tells her she had a seizure.)

She couldn’t stop lying to herself, either. He was so different most of the time. That wasn’t the man she met. Every day wasn’t bad. Something had gone wrong those times, and it wasn’t his fault.

Now she's taking responsibility for HIS bad behavior.

There isn’t a definite predictor of why one person and not another becomes a victim. They don’t look or act a certain way. Some live paycheck to paycheck; others never worry about the rent. Some have Ph.D.s; others never made it through high school. Some are outspoken; others are wallflowers. Their one commonality: They gravitate toward men who want to control them. This is why falling in love can turn out to be the most dangerous thing a woman ever does.
There is one semi-reliable way to tell if someone might become a victim: Children who grow up around domestic violence are 15 times more likely to be abused themselves. Even worse, boys who witness abuse at home are twice as likely to become abusers because they’ve been rewired to think it’s normal.

And finally, those LIES ad nauseum.....

As many victims do, Krystal stayed. Because she loved him. Because she thought having this man as a dad to her kids was better than having them grow up without one. Because she was afraid. Because she thought he’d stop.

 

[BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE]

"She does not know thyself."

(Diary of a Black Man: Just An Illusion) Copyright 2014