Women aren't blind when it comes to choosing a man. We are diverse creatures who crave different types of stimulation at different stages in our lives. For the most part, we choose men who we are attracted to, men who have some qualities that we find acceptable at the time we interact with them. Some men and relationships turn out all right, be they physical, mental or emotional; others turn out wrong.
The one thing we do that the brothers need to understand is that when we choose, we step out on faith by taking a chance, giving the brother the benefit of the doubt. Some men step up to the plate and joyous time can be had by all; some talk the talk, but really can't walk the walk.
But ever the nurturers of our race, we give them a chance. Yes there are times that we are fortunate enough to fall in love for however long it lasts, then there are times that some of us just fall.
Back in the day's there wasn't a female in the tri-state area with a - and I'll use some of the gentlemen's terms - "mackette" as strong as mine. Banging body, beautiful mind, I dated characters from the projects to the white house and enjoyed every minute of it.
Some of my relationships were physical -- only a select few had the mentality and stamina to keep me interested. I slept with a good number of people, protecting myself along the way, because I was in it for my gratification and dismissed them, telling them I would call them when I wanted to hook up again. Some of the guys became attached, some knew it would be futile to attempt anything further.
I didn't do what I did for lack of self esteem, I did it because it was what I wanted to do. The difference between the way it was done then and the way these want to be "players" are doing it now, is that I disclosed to all parties that I wasn't looking for anything serious up front. If you fell, it would be because you wanted more from me than I was willing to give, and that would be something you would have to deal with on your own.
I handled it that way because I wanted to be a woman about mine. Not playing games and toying with anyone's emotions. I had my bad boys who I could go to and get my freak on any time of day or night, then I would get up and leave and hang out with my girls without worrying about any messy drama.
I had my intermediates, who were almost relationship material, but lacked what was necessary to take the relationship to the next level. Those were the gentlemen I chose to attend dinners and theater with.
Then I had my, "when I slow down", you would be the type of guy I would settle down with and enjoy family dinners, weekends on the Cape, hiking in the mountains, and bed and breakfasts in quaint little New England towns.
I met my husband after returning from the military, we dated - no sex was involved because I was feeling him and wanted to make sure he was feeling me before I gave myself to him - otherwise, nothing would have come of it. He was kind, patient, and attentive. We had absolutely none of the same interests in common, but for some strange reason it worked. We clicked, made our future plans and settled down.
We've been married 20 years this past August and still light up when we see each other. We have a 19 year old daughter who is working on her Masters Degree in International Relations and are enjoying growing old together.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, people go through what they want to go through and when the time is right, the match will be made. The trick is to tune into yourself and find out what it is you really want. I went through a bunch of duds, and I was blessed to have spent time with some real kings, they just weren't meant to be my king.
Practice disclosure people, plain and simple. If she's looking good to you and you only want to get your freak on, tell her that. Let her decide if she want's to get down.
Ladies, if you're looking to settle down or want a serious relationship, handle yourself accordingly and tell that brother who is whispering sweet nothings in your ear such, and show it by keeping your goodies to yourself. If he's not into it, he'll run like the wind, before you take your clothes off. That way, you haven't lost anything.
And if you feel like sleeping around, do just that, but don't go looking for him to say I love you after you've done all those freaky things with him and he hasnt' earned it.
. yet you jump at any chance to bash black women?..no matter.. it's your world
