Poetry Critiques : Fill Me

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by flo-real, Apr 7, 2005.

  1. flo-real

    flo-real Active Member MEMBER

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    Hey Baby
    You know I was thinking about how much I miss you
    And how good it felt last time we touched and…
    how I would love to feel that feeling again and more…See I really don’t know how to say this but …I want you to feed me…and be deep inside me-
    I mean to the point that I feel full… Full like – after eating a foot long Subway sandwich and some chips and a drink
    I mean full like I just had some Gumbo and some Greens
    Full like McDonalds Fries and a Wendy’s Frostie (Biggie Size)
    and some Dirty Rice from Popeye’s and a biscuit from Church’s chicken
    Full like a Twice Grilled Burrito, Macaroni and Cheese, and 2 Churros from El Pollo Loco
    Full like Chicken and Waffles form Roscoe’s
    Full like a Catfish dinner form Flowers Seafood and some cabbage
    I mean full to the point that I get “ittis”…you know what “ittis” is right…when you just get sleepy and want a good nap afterwards”
    …yeah like that
    Then after I wake up… I want you to hit it hard daddy…a lil harder…
    just a little bit harder…a little more… oow!. that’s good…now …

    BEAT IT UP…
    Beat it up like the bass line on a Dr.Dre beat
    Maybe even like an inmate beatin his meat
    Or like scrambled eggs before they hit the skillet
    Or Like batter for some cornbread muffins or pancakes
    I want you to beat it up like Ike did Anna Mae, when she said that all the songs sound the same…Scratch that, as a matter of truth
    I want you to beat it up like Ike did Anna Mae in the sound booth
    Beat it up like Tarver did Roy Jones in their last fight
    I mean like the symbols in a Neptune’s beat
    Or like…R. Kelly did them kids
    Beat it up like… the Ying Yang twins whispering through the whole song
    Or like DMX did that girl Keisha in “Belly”…
    Maybe even like Mr. Marcus did Precious in Jelly
    I’ll even settle for you to beat it up like Jodi did Evette…. And I’ll cook tacos

    But, baby if all that’s not possible …can u at least come over tonight?
     
  2. 1poetsought

    1poetsought Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Another real deal Happy Meal from, Flo-Real.

    I've got to hit this HARD with props, Baby. :hearts2:
     
  3. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

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    hahahahahahahahaha.....
    this is classic...i can't critique this
    you came for-real on this joint...
    u had my die'n with the assortment of refrences...:lol:
    keep flowin....

    one love
    khasm
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    the way u expressed it
    made it felt on a true deal
    this was real i feel
    great piece of emotion written.
     
  5. flo-real

    flo-real Active Member MEMBER

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