Black Men : The Better Father

Discussion in 'Black Men - Fathers - Brothers - Sons' started by Ledda, Apr 8, 2005.

  1. Ledda

    Ledda Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    There's always been a lot of talk about absent fathers and dead beat dads, but more and more men are stepping up to another man's responsibility and becoming fathers to children who aren't theirs biologically. I don't care for talk shows, but now and again on the one with paternity tests proving the man who thought he had a kid for two or three years discovers he's not the daddy and still says, "I don't care. I'm still the daddy." I think it takes a big man to do that. Then there are men who love the women they're with and love her kids as well. When talking negatively about black men, I hear a lot about fathers not being around, but we don't recongnize there are more and more good brothers stepping up to someone else's plate. :welldone:
     
  2. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    I agree. And there are A LOT of those situations featured on Maury.

    It's amazing how they can still love the children and the mothers considering the kids were conceived by an affair!
     
  3. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree there are many men that step up and take responsibility for another man's child. I guess that's an honerable thing to do, and these men are obviously doing it out of love. I would not advise it though. If a child is not yours, it's not you responsibility to "step up to the plate", because once that marriage ends, you'll still be stepping up to the plate until that kid is 18 years old. It's a nice thought, but there are drawbacks if things go sour. If you are stepping up after years of thinking this child was yours, then you're a fool. If you're stepping up because you're in love with a single mother and you're taking on her child (that you already know is not yours) because you love them both, then that cool. There's nothing admirable about taking care of a child that was conceived out of an affair. Nothing. That's foolishness.
     
  4. Ledda

    Ledda Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree with you. I was thinking if I were a man and found out the child I thought was mine wasn't, I would be done with the mother and the child. That's why I commend those men who were able to think of the child's welfare. It's probably easier said than done when you think about it. Loving a child is different from loving a partner and just letting go is likely more than difficult. I just pointed this out because I'm tired of all the brother bashing (the sister bashing too) out there.
     
  5. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    I would do the same thing if I were a man. The thing that really gets me is not necessarily that the child isn't from the father's bloodline (as it is possible to love children you're not related to), but that the kids were made from an affair. How could you ever trust the woman again? Every time you see the kid you'd be reminded of her infidelity.
     
  6. Ralfa'il

    Ralfa'il Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Maximum respect for any man willing to take on another man's responsibility.

    But it has to be done in the right way.
    There has to be a clear understanding between the man, woman, and her children that HE is now their father and has control over them.

    He can't just be mamma's boyfriend and expect to get respect.

    He don't need to hear all that:

    ...."You ain't nunna my daddy" from them
    or
    ....."Don't be talking to my keeeds like dat..you ain't they daddy"...from her.


    But this was common in Islam and through out the east for a man who was able to take the responsibility of his brother or neighbor's wife and children if he died.
     
  7. karmashines

    karmashines Banned MEMBER

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    That is so true, but in many of these cases the child previously thought the man was their father. So, I don't think they're going to pull the 'you're not my daddy,' crap, unless they were really unruly. And the woman... she'd better be down on her hands and knees thanking God the man loved her enough to take her back... so one would hope she wouldn't be STUPID enough to lay the 'you're not their daddy' line on him.
     
  8. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Ledda ... true true true ... enough is not said about these wonderful men!

    Thanks for posting this, having it here, so we can wallow in the wonderfulness of it!

    Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  9. NyneElementz

    NyneElementz Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Or the ones who step up to handle the responsibility they created.

    I may not get applause or appreciation for taking care of my biological son from any other person but my son, but that's all I really need.
     
  10. NyneElementz

    NyneElementz Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    ...or those that stepped up to their own plate for that matter. Negative talk is catchy, especially when black men are the topic. Its even funnier how we are not mentioned often among positive topics in the social circles of our neighborhoods, on radio and TV, etc. But one thing I've been learning from my experience as a single father is that the loss isn't mine if they don't recognize responsible, honorable, and caring black men like me. The loss belongs to the ones accepting the programming of misunderstanding and bitterness being drilled into and accepted by then.

    Recently I've written my son's mom who's looking to be released soon. To see her vindicating written apology to me was the hardest hitting recognition I've seen to date. One of my old neighbors keeps telling me how much she appreciates seeing a black father doing his job. I keep telling her that there are more of us than she thinks. I go to church with them. I go to work with them. Some of them are my friends. We're out there. But some cling to the bitterness and disillusionment handed to them and repeat those negative false platitudes. We need more acknowledgment because we do hold a special importance to our collective community.
     
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