Black People : Slave Parenting? Low Expectations? Codified Ignorance and Foolishness

[hiphopolx]

Wow. 27 views and no replies. Dang, I wanted people to just freestyle on it... but... since not.... here goes...

My thoughts on it is I think Black people are still suffering from the residue and environment of slavery. I think most of us can agree on that. I hope... Maybe? (crickets chirping....)

Well, not just that, but the residue and environment of slavery impacts every aspect of Black folks lives on a variety of levels. The machinations are very seductive and I think even those of us who believed we have overcome these challenges have another thing coming also. Which is the reason I don't like for others to lecture to me on Blackness and such or believe they have this superior position or commanding authority on "consciousness".

We are all in the same boat -145 years ( 7 generations) up from the physical representation of slavery, trying to fully know its impact on our beings and how and why we do the things we do, as well as, grasp a better more indepth understanding of its influences and consequences. Right now, we are all reaching, struggling to make sense of everything with our limited knowledge and awareness and there is nothing wrong with that. So on we go...

Parenting has been a very big focal point for me lately, as I try to gain a better knowledge and understanding of my personal self and understand how I developed certain debilitating behaviors that have plagued me since childhood. Essentially, parenting is what makes or breaks a child in life. Appropriate and adequate parenting will instill in a child the tools s/he needs to fully evolve into the "butterfly" they were meant to be; the child will be empowered to make changes, think rationally and reasonably, and be assertive and industrious. Inadequate or improper parenting will result in a much different child.

That said, I think many of us inherited inadequate and improper parenting due to our ancestors' past enslavement and it is evident in how we move, interact and decide in the world. Generally, we speak and do from a position of "want" and hopelessness. On average, we interact in a submissive posture in regards to others. We determine our futures in the most irrational terms. I remember one rapper saying, "Trouble follows me everywhere I go." Why is that? When Brer Rabbit had to introduce Brer Gator to Trouble and even then Brer Gator wouldn't have found Trouble if he didn't go looking for it.

I currently own and operate a mental health outpatient agency that provides individual and family therapy, community-based services, transitional living and hopefully, a new foster care component. The majority of my clients are Black children with serious mental and behavioral health issues. Their behaviors range anywhere from severe trust issues to sexually reactive. They came from the most part abused and neglected homes. They are used to less and have a tendency to hoard things due to the instability and uncertainty experienced in their formative years. All these kids, beautiful and bright kids, have been victims of poor or seriously negligble parenting.

My little brother has a son with a woman. This boy is the first born of his parents. My brother went on to have other children with another woman and my nephew's mother eventually had 5 more children. One day six years ago, my nephew came over to visit my mom and later that night around 9' oclock, my wife and I went to go drop him back off at home. We went got to his house, we noticed that there were no adults and the only people in the house were children, the oldest among them being I think 7 at the time. The 7 year girl was tending to a nine month old baby. The baby was crying and the girl was clearly frustrated. We asked where her parents were and she told us her mom was gone and her dad was in the backyard. We waited for the dad to come in. While we waited, my nephew, the oldest, asked if we could get them something to eat because they didn't have any food in the home. Earlier that day, he asked my mom to cook more food so he could take some home to share with his siblings. I left briefly to go buy some food for the kids. When I got back, the father still wasn't there. We couldn't wait all night and my wife, being a social worker and a court-mandated reporter, had to do what she didn't want to do. She had to call CPS. The police and CPS came and took the kids away.

Three days later, CPS decided to return the kids back to their parents and right before we left to go back to Vegas, my nephew's stepfather called. He was upset, threatened to either shoot or kick my wife's and my *****, and asked us why we called the "people". He said he was in the backyard the whole time we were there. He wasn't. We were at my nephew's house for 2+ hours - the only adults. My wife was especially hurt by the 7 year old girl - she was only a child but was expected to take care of a 9 month old baby. The girl was "parentified" and so was my nephew, the eldest; he was always looking out for his younger brothers and sisters in ways a 10 year old should not.

Needless to say, CPS was called to the home about 2 years ago, for basically the same reason they were 3 years before. My dad tried to defend the mother, saying she was trying to get their lights back on. Nothing justifies that behavior. The mother is trying to get the kids back - they are currently in kinship care living with their maternal grandfather. My brother's presence in all this has been very little although he is presently married and raising 3 kids of his own with his wife - one of which is not is biological child. He is now trying to see his son more and I got to see him, my nephew, this past Thanksgiving when I went back home. My nephew, I see, is well on his way to being a product of the streets; he was very disrespectful, rejected authority, was a bully to his smaller siblings and cousins, and was cursing. He reminded me of little J-Rock from the movie "South Central."

This is a start to what I hope will be a serious, somber and frank discussion on what I perceive is a serious problem affecting our communities and on what we can do to elevate the us to a position to be poise to seize the day and capitalize on opportunities to be all that we wish to be. Because frankly as I see it now, without any real and sustainable intervention, anything anybody does will be stifled from its true potential.

Tuhwi

I see this dynamic alot with parents who for what ever reason can't devote enough of their time to their kids.

Sad you or your wife had to report them. But was their a Big Family meeting first?

The reason I ask is cause of this line

'they are currently in kinship care living with their maternal grandfather'

Please don't take this disrespectful, but could this step been done within the family & without outside asst.? I know I'm looking at this from the outside with 20/20 vision. I feel the need to add that I'm not perfect either and I've made mistakes too.

Appreciate the thread 4 real tho.

Hotep

 

[Blackbird]

I see this dynamic alot with parents who for what ever reason can't devote enough of their time to their kids.

Sad you or your wife had to report them. But was their a Big Family meeting first?

The reason I ask is cause of this line

'they are currently in kinship care living with their maternal grandfather'

Please don't take this disrespectful, but could this step been done within the family & without outside asst.? I know I'm looking at this from the outside with 20/20 vision. I feel the need to add that I'm not perfect either and I've made mistakes too.

Appreciate the thread 4 real tho.

Hotep

Possibly. Yes. There is a fine line to cross. If it ever came down that this happened and my wife knew, she would have been held liable legally. The state would have pursued her for neglect as a court-mandated reporter.

At the time, I tried to cajole my wife not to call and let's just stay until someone arrives. The only person we knew in that family was my nephew so we didn't know at first glance if there was someone else to contact. The rationale is if there was the kids wouldn't have been alone. My brother was out of pocket at the time. My mother isn't my nephew's biological grandmother since my brother is my half-brother, my dad's son. So at the spur of the moment, when you have kids in need and we have other things to do, the only recourse we could think at the time was CPS. However, with parents like this, a very blatant disregard for the safety of the children - it would only be a matter of time before something like it happened again - as evidenced three years later.

In regards to the kinship care situation, it's sad that it took this to happen before anyone in the family would take the children. So it took this CPS getting involved for a 2nd time before someone came to the plate.

 

[Ankhur]

Wow. 27 views and no replies. Dang, I wanted people to just freestyle on it... but... since not.... here goes...

My thoughts on it is I think Black people are still suffering from the residue and environment of slavery. I think most of us can agree on that. I hope... Maybe? (crickets chirping....)

Well, not just that, but the residue and environment of slavery impacts every aspect of Black folks lives on a variety of levels. The machinations are very seductive and I think even those of us who believed we have overcome these challenges have another thing coming also. Which is the reason I don't like for others to lecture to me on Blackness and such or believe they have this superior position or commanding authority on "consciousness".

We are all in the same boat -145 years ( 7 generations) up from the physical representation of slavery, trying to fully know its impact on our beings and how and why we do the things we do, as well as, grasp a better more indepth understanding of its influences and consequences. Right now, we are all reaching, struggling to make sense of everything with our limited knowledge and awareness and there is nothing wrong with that. So on we go...

Parenting has been a very big focal point for me lately, as I try to gain a better knowledge and understanding of my personal self and understand how I developed certain debilitating behaviors that have plagued me since childhood. Essentially, parenting is what makes or breaks a child in life. Appropriate and adequate parenting will instill in a child the tools s/he needs to fully evolve into the "butterfly" they were meant to be; the child will be empowered to make changes, think rationally and reasonably, and be assertive and industrious. Inadequate or improper parenting will result in a much different child.

That said, I think many of us inherited inadequate and improper parenting due to our ancestors' past enslavement and it is evident in how we move, interact and decide in the world. Generally, we speak and do from a position of "want" and hopelessness. On average, we interact in a submissive posture in regards to others. We determine our futures in the most irrational terms. I remember one rapper saying, "Trouble follows me everywhere I go." Why is that? When Brer Rabbit had to introduce Brer Gator to Trouble and even then Brer Gator wouldn't have found Trouble if he didn't go looking for it.

I currently own and operate a mental health outpatient agency that provides individual and family therapy, community-based services, transitional living and hopefully, a new foster care component. The majority of my clients are Black children with serious mental and behavioral health issues. Their behaviors range anywhere from severe trust issues to sexually reactive. They came from the most part abused and neglected homes. They are used to less and have a tendency to hoard things due to the instability and uncertainty experienced in their formative years. All these kids, beautiful and bright kids, have been victims of poor or seriously negligble parenting.

My little brother has a son with a woman. This boy is the first born of his parents. My brother went on to have other children with another woman and my nephew's mother eventually had 5 more children. One day six years ago, my nephew came over to visit my mom and later that night around 9' oclock, my wife and I went to go drop him back off at home. We went got to his house, we noticed that there were no adults and the only people in the house were children, the oldest among them being I think 7 at the time. The 7 year girl was tending to a nine month old baby. The baby was crying and the girl was clearly frustrated. We asked where her parents were and she told us her mom was gone and her dad was in the backyard. We waited for the dad to come in. While we waited, my nephew, the oldest, asked if we could get them something to eat because they didn't have any food in the home. Earlier that day, he asked my mom to cook more food so he could take some home to share with his siblings. I left briefly to go buy some food for the kids. When I got back, the father still wasn't there. We couldn't wait all night and my wife, being a social worker and a court-mandated reporter, had to do what she didn't want to do. She had to call CPS. The police and CPS came and took the kids away.

Three days later, CPS decided to return the kids back to their parents and right before we left to go back to Vegas, my nephew's stepfather called. He was upset, threatened to either shoot or kick my wife's and my *****, and asked us why we called the "people". He said he was in the backyard the whole time we were there. He wasn't. We were at my nephew's house for 2+ hours - the only adults. My wife was especially hurt by the 7 year old girl - she was only a child but was expected to take care of a 9 month old baby. The girl was "parentified" and so was my nephew, the eldest; he was always looking out for his younger brothers and sisters in ways a 10 year old should not.

Needless to say, CPS was called to the home about 2 years ago, for basically the same reason they were 3 years before. My dad tried to defend the mother, saying she was trying to get their lights back on. Nothing justifies that behavior. The mother is trying to get the kids back - they are currently in kinship care living with their maternal grandfather. My brother's presence in all this has been very little although he is presently married and raising 3 kids of his own with his wife - one of which is not is biological child. He is now trying to see his son more and I got to see him, my nephew, this past Thanksgiving when I went back home. My nephew, I see, is well on his way to being a product of the streets; he was very disrespectful, rejected authority, was a bully to his smaller siblings and cousins, and was cursing. He reminded me of little J-Rock from the movie "South Central."

This is a start to what I hope will be a serious, somber and frank discussion on what I perceive is a serious problem affecting our communities and on what we can do to elevate the us to a position to be poise to seize the day and capitalize on opportunities to be all that we wish to be. Because frankly as I see it now, without any real and sustainable intervention, anything anybody does will be stifled from its true potential.

Tuhwi

In regards to the 800 billion we have here,

what is your view of a National Black children's Association, to disseminate materials regading wholistic nutrition, parenting skills, like those given in the FOI, and MGT, and home schooling curivulum, workbooks and software.

There seems to be a model that works, why not replicate it on a secular level, because those pathologies as mentioned are not seen in the NOI, and as the economy gets worse, this situation will get worse exponentially.

 

[hiphopolx]

Possibly. Yes. There is a fine line to cross. If it ever came down that this happened and my wife knew, she would have been held liable legally. The state would have pursued her for neglect as a court-mandated reporter.

At the time, I tried to cajole my wife not to call and let's just stay until someone arrives. The only person we knew in that family was my nephew so we didn't know at first glance if there was someone else to contact. The rationale is if there was the kids wouldn't have been alone. My brother was out of pocket at the time. My mother isn't my nephew's biological grandmother since my brother is my half-brother, my dad's son. So at the spur of the moment, when you have kids in need and we have other things to do, the only recourse we could think at the time was CPS. However, with parents like this, a very blatant disregard for the safety of the children - it would only be a matter of time before something like it happened again - as evidenced three years later.

In regards to the kinship care situation, it's sad that it took this to happen before anyone in the family would take the children. So it took this CPS getting involved for a 2nd time before someone came to the plate.

I see. I'm glad you did something about it. I know it probably wasn't easy.
Grown folks are all kids have for the most part. We can't expect them to harmonize with society if we don't teach them.

Hotep

 

[hiphopolx]

In regards to the 800 billion we have here,

what is your view of a National Black children's Association, to disseminate materials regading wholistic nutrition, parenting skills, like those given in the FOI, and MGT, and home schooling curivulum, workbooks and software.

There seems to be a model that works, why not replicate it on a secular level, because those pathologies as mentioned are not seen in the NOI, and as the economy gets worse, this situation will get worse exponentially.

Sounds good let me know when you set it up.

Hotep